HAMA:  My. My. With all the talk about the Geneva negotiations falling apart you’d think there would be many disappointed faces in Damascus.  In actuality, nobody cares.  Yeah. Yeah. Articles do appear in state media extolling Dr. Al-Ja’fari’s noble positions in the face of preposterous demands from the Saudi-financed pimps and procurers who infest the ranks of the exiled “opposition”, but, in the final analysis nobody is reading the articles because everybody knows this is another fool’s errand and we’d just as soon see Dr. Al-Ja’fari back in NYC fighting the good fight in the hallowed halls of the United Nations.


As all this is going on – the rancorous debate – the ying and yang of diplomacy – the execrable expostulations of Saudi catamite, Muhammad ‘Alloosh, the dynastic heir to the leadership of the simian Jaysh Al-Islam, whose previous leader, Zahraan, his brother, was unceremoniously and rudely extracted from this world (courtesy of the Syrian Air Force), blown into a google gluons,  and sent to the depths of Erebus to spend Eternity with none other than his favorite deity, Mephistopheles,  the American-armed and Saudi financed and Turk-enabled rodents of Alqaeda, Ahraar Al-Shaam and the avatar of their symbiosis:  Jaysh Al-Fath, declared their intent to embark on a new offensive called (and I’m trying to keep a straight face):  “Campaign for the Retaliation of Grievances”…..or something stupid like that.  Anyways, they have announced something they’ve been doing, anyhow,  for the last 4 years, to wit: attacking Christian villages.


Khirbat Naaqqoos (The Ancient Hamlet of the Church Bell):    They came out of Idlib armed with 6 armored trucks, 10 Toyota pickups bedecked with the usual Croatian-manufactured 23mm cannons, several Chinese-made and Saudi-provided FN6 MANPADs, a suicide truck driven by some syphilis-plagued Turkmenistani and about 200 armed rodents.  They hurtled down a largely unpaved road from Highway 56 toward this Christian town just north of Hakoora Village which was conveniently evacuated by the Syrian Army to insure no civilian casualties or the taking of Christian hostages.  The few civilians left were most cooperative in departing.

The attack plan was hilariously routine.  All my readers know the drill.  A truck, loaded with the finest NATO military-grade explosives and a dash of Semtex (C-4), barrels down a road in plain sight and blows up at the Syrian Army’s strongest perimeter point thus enabling the bumbling rodents to the rear to break through the lines in order to massacre the Christian population, kill all Syrian Army soldiers in a typically gruesome orgy of cruelty and declare the area under Islamic rule (yawn).

Well, when you know they’re coming, shame on you if you don’t take precautions.   As always, the SAA posted several RPG and Kornet operators backed by a unit of roving infantrymen who are classified as “marksmen”.  As the truck, which was driven by “Abu Mus’ab Al-Jazraawi” was speeding down the road, the operators opened fire blasting rockets at the moving armored truck.  The Kornets are guided visually and are remarkably accurate, but, requiring nerves of steel.  The RPGs, on the other hand, are like bazookas.  Just stay out of the rear barrel or you’ll be dry roasted.  But, in the hands of a seasoned operator, these RPGs can be accurate also.  The truck took 3 hits which, given the amount of explosives, resulted in a great ball of smoke and fire.  Needless to say, the driver, whose identity has not been precisely established other than his Turkman ethnicity and fake-Saudi nom de guerre, was quickly merged into the world of mist and vapor. 

Once the truck was detonated in this way, the SAA commander on the ground ordered his troops to redeploy for their own safety to the south of the hamlet a few kms north of Hakoora, right in the middle of the Al-Ghaab Plain.  Why did he do this?  Well, it allowed the rodents to enter the hamlet with the belief in their soon-to-be-announced victory over the blaspheming Syrian Army.  Sadly, – for the rodents, I mean, – such was not to be the case.  You see, Captain Mahmoud, as I’ll call him, knew something was coming.  He was right.  The Syrian Army was alerted to the right time when the maximum number of rodents were inside Khirbat Naaqoos.  At that point, SAAF Hind helicopter gunships armed with anti-MANPAD technology appeared on the horizon and unleashed a torrent of medium-range air-to-ground rockets forcing the rodents to take cover behind several houses.  But, better yet, SAA commanders ordered the town obliterated with a SCUD B missile which struck the rats just as they were screaming “Allahu Akbar” at the top of their lungs.  The blast was so massive, many terrorist websites thought it had to be a “barrel bomb”.  You see, according to the terrorists, the Syrian military only uses barrel bombs on civilians.  But it wasn’t a barrel bomb.  And there were no civilians.

The rodents were astonished by the size of the explosion and you could see them rushing from the scene haphazardly amidst the incessant fire of our army from the ditches and trenches in this totally agricultural flatland.  Bad day for terrorism and Obama.   Good day for the forces of right and Dr. Assad.



Our soldiers firing at rats in the Ghouta would look exactly like this. (From an archive photograph).




Ziad flanked to his left by Richard Solomon, a/k/a Richard Muldoon, one of America’s foremost anti-trust and franchise law attorneys, and to his right by Mark “the Brit” Ranulph Thistlethwaite-Fiddlesticks at the Cardone’s Bar in lovely Detroit.   I reacted to being told there was no more Kessler Whiskey. 

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