WATERLOO IN DER’AH: SYRIAN ARMY SMASHES RATS AFTER BLASTING THEIR RANKS; 48 RODENTS DEAD

الجيش السوري يسقط منطاد تجسس تركي في ريف اللاذقية

DER’AH:  The little village of Jadiyya lies on the Old International Highway and is considered strategically important because it connects whole rural areas from Quanytra to Damascus to Der’ah.  For months, the rodents have been mounting one failed campaign after another to take the village from the legal authorities of the Syrian government.  This time, they got serious and put together a force of over 3,000 rodents cobbled together from 17 different terrorist factions and called it cleverly: “Battle to Liberate Jadiyya”.  Oh, you know how they do these things by now.  They started out with the usual lamb of sacrifice, usually some intellectually stunted Pakistani yearning for a whiff of Paradise by way of self-sacrificial stunts like blowing himself up before he reaches his destination.  That’s what happened yesterday in an event which had our soldiers struggling to keep from guffawing rudely in the presence of field commanders.  Needless to say, SAA infantrymen waylaid the truck with a perfectly shot Kornet and rendered it nothing more than useless metal shards.  A field assessment was performed and the following rodents were identified with valid identification.  The foreign rodents were cremated with white phosphorous:

Khaalid Ibraaheem Al-Waadi

Husaam Ahmad Al-‘Uqla

Iyaad Fahd Al-Khateeb

Badee’ Muhammad ‘Ayaada

Muhammad Saleem Al-Shar’iy

‘Uday Hakeem Rizq Fandi

‘Abdul-Majeed Naassir Al-Jaahid

Baasil Khaalid ‘Awadh Al-Matar

Wissaam ‘Adnaan Al-Farrookh

Muhammad Fahd Al-Nassaar

‘Abdul-Rahmaan Anwar Al-Kanaakiri

Muhammad ‘Imaad Al-‘Abbaas

Khayruddeen ‘Ali Abu-Talaal

Hassan Al-Nazzaal Al-Nu’aymi

Saamir Yunus Al-‘Umar

Muhannad ‘Ali Al-Rifaa’iy

Usaamaa Muhammad ‘Awda Al-Rifaa’iy

Our congratulations to the Al-Rifaa’iy family for sending us its lunatic fringe elements who constantly increase the demographics of Hell.  Jolly good.  Keep up the good work.

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