IDLIB: We are delighted to report the deaths of 98 rodents confirmed by aerial and ground reconnaissance as the SAAF is beginning a major “softening up” of the area before the Syrian Army assault on Jisr Al-Shughoor. Reports from our family and sources in Latakia prove that a huge offensive is about to start. Even areas like Slinfeh, Qardaaha, Al-Hiffa and Al-Rawdha are now filled with over 40,000 troops and volunteers champing at the bit to exterminate the vile, syphilitic filth infesting the Syrian homeland.
Al-Majaass: Syrian Air Force has battered a grouping of Nusra vultures as local residents act as spotters for our bombers. Many locals are positioning homers for the guided missiles with which the air force has been equipped generously by the Russian Federation. After the rats were annihilated, a unit of the SAA-Mi went in and collected data on the carcasses. They counted 29 of whom only these were Syrians with valid papers:
Habeeb Sa’ad-Al-Deen Al-Saani’
Hishaam Muhsin Haaroon
Muhammad ‘Ali Raa`if Sillu
Muraad ‘Abdullah Al-‘Abdullah
Abu-Dhuhoor: The SAAF went into the air again based on perfect Intel and slaughtered the teeming rats once again trying to mount some pathetic attack on the Abu-Dhuhoor AB.. No assessments have been accomplished as the area is rife with vermin.
Ihsim: In the Jabal Al-Zaawiya area where more and more SAA and volunteers are massing for the assault on Jisr Al-Shughoor. SAAF hurled fire and brimstone at the cowering hyenas as SAA spotters gave perfect coordinates to kill 19 of the mercenaries. No names.
Shannaan Village: Also in the Jabal Al-Zaawiya area, SAAF dropped a thermobaric bomb on an area strictly inhabited by the rodents, who, using their etiquette, evicted the legal owners. Over 30 rodents were killed who belonged to Alqaeda/Nusra.
Jannat Al-Quraa: An artillery barrage with mixed Howitzer and FROG missiles struck a bull’s eye here with dozens of casualties reported by the rats on their Turk-Zionist-supplied cellphones. They could not get any help as the SAA had surrounded the area snuffing out the life of the stinking, malodorous, purulent, diseased hyenas.
Tal Salmu: Nusra took a beating here at the hands of SAA SF in an ambush described as “perfect” by our source. However, it is extremely difficult to obtain details from SF operations.
Umm Jareen: SAA crushed 3 packs of rodents belonging to Nusra and Jaysh Al-Fath here:
Hassan Muhammad Zu’aynu
Jameel Khudhr Al-Nujoom
‘Alaa’-Al-Deen Mahmoud ‘Atwa
Shafeeq Khaalid Zammaar
Layth ‘Abdul-Quddoos Rahhaala
Saamir Muhammad Mabrook
The rest were all foreigners. The total number of dead rats was 20.