INTERVIEW WITH SYRIAN OPPOSITION LEADER HALIT HOCA (KHAALID KHOJA); MERCURY NEWS SERVICE SCORES AGAIN!

Brunhilde Liebesbombe, our Wurlitzer Prize winning journalist, reporting exclusively for the Mercury News Service.  Ogden Orffe, Howitzer Prize winning investigative photographer, accompanied her to the home of Turkish leader of the NATIONAL COALITION OF SYRIAN REVOLTING AND ODOROUS FEET (NACOSROF) in the city of Izmir.

BRUNHILDE FOR MNS:  Thank you for having us so soon after your election as head of the umm,…..um…..NACOSROF.

HOJA:  We refer to it as the SNC for short.  Only Robert Ford could come up with a name like the other one.

MNS:  What does SNC stand for?

HOJA:  Snorting Nubile Cats.

MNS:  In reading background information about you, I was amazed to learn you are born of pure Turkish parents.

HOJA:  Actually, there’s no such thing as a pure Turkish parent.  If they were pure, my parents would look like Toshiro Mifune and Sesu Hayakawa in drag.  But, I am a Turk only in the sense that I’m not a Syrian Arab, if you know what I mean.

MNS:  How did a Turk, like you, become head of the SNC?

HOJA:  Uncle Hakan Fidan wanted it so.

MNS:  Oh, my God! That’s the feared head of the MIT.  Isn’t that Turkey’s spy agency?

HOJA:  Well, it’s not the Massachusetts Institute of Technology.  My uncle wouldn’t know how to attach toilet paper to the roller on the wall.

Mr. Fidan puts on his best face for this iconic photograph taken just before he ordered Sakine Cansiz assassinated.

 

MNS:  You are now elected for an unprecedented one year as head of the SNC.  How did that happen?

HOJA:  I don’t really know.  Nobody does.  My mother says the tooth fairy did it.

MNS:   Do you think it will have an impact on anything?

HOJA:  No.

MNS:  Did you come to this office with a list of priorities and can we explore what they are?

HOJA:  My first priority is to make sure the organization is properly funded to keep our members in the best European hotels.  This was a serious problem with former leaders.  Al-Khateeb was a cleric of some kind and insisted that members sleep at some mosque in Gaziantep that didn’t have running water. Ghassaan Hitto was fond of his nephew’s condo in Kurdistan.  That was not a hit with our members.  And we have new problems with that Christian Commie, George Sabra.  The government here keeps putting him up in some flophouse in Istanbul and he’s always complaining.

MNS:  Surely, you have other priorities besides your members’ hotel accommodations.

HOJA:  Like what?

MNS:  What about influence on the battlefield?

HOJA:  It doesn’t appear that’s gonna happen soon.  I just received a note from the Caliph Abu Bakr Al-Baghdaadi. Would you like me to read it to you?

MNS:  (Startled and excited)  Well, yes, of course. Please.

HOJA:  Here, let me find it in my pocket. Oh, there it is…… Okay.  “Dear Apostate, it will be my most sincere pleasure to skin you alive and stuff your pelt with straw and then hang it outside the walls of Nineveh, just like my ancestor Assur-Nasser-Pal. After that, I’m going to take your shivering Turk remains and dry them like Armenian basturma.  Conduct yourself accordingly.”  He signed it, Caliph Yusuf the Iraqi.  It doesn’t look like he’s interested in combining forces.

MNS:  Well, what about Abu Muhammad Al-Jawlaani, the leader of the Jabhat Al-Nusra?

HOJA:  He also sent me a congratulatory note.  Here, let’s see where I put it.  Here it is.  “You miserable blaspheming Turk.  Accept radical, nihilistic, militant, overly violent and retrograde Islam as your salvation or we’ll find you in your squalid Turk brothel and cut your head off with a  baker’s spatula.  Our regards to your uncle and brother Recep.”  I mean, what can I do with that?

MNS:  Well, besides keeping away from the so-called “freedom fighters”, do you have any other priorities?

HOJA:  Just keep seeing my patients.  I’m a doctor, you know.

MNS:   You mean, you treat wounded rebels who come back to Turkey after fighting the Syrian Army?

HOJA:  You must be joking.  They don’t pay for treatment and they have no insurance.  They’re also usually a bit ripe, if you know what I mean.  Anyways, I’m not a trauma physician.  I’m a chiropractor specializing in massage and aroma therapies.  When they find out I don’t know how to surgically remove a bullet, they’ll behead me.

In this exclusive photo generously given to us by Mr. Hoja, a nurse in his clinic applies aromarama to his uncle’s favorite pooch, Dweezil.  The potion contains a nice dose of opium.  This photo was sent to the ASPCA.

 

MNS:  We read about your experience inside Syrian prisons when you were only 15 years old.  What was that like?

HOJA:  (Picks up notes from folder titled Human Rights Watch and begins to read)  “There were butcher hooks hung from the ceiling that were stained with blood.  It was the best of times. It was the worst of times. I could hear them torturing my father next door as I was beaten fifteen times a day to the music of Lawrence Welk.  It was horrible. When they weren’t beating me with the Abercrombie and Fitch suspenders, they forced me to eat and chew hog bones before swallowing them.  Call me Ishmael.  Call me irresponsible.  Call me Mr. Tibbs. I was only able to escape to Turkey after I was forced to have sex with this smelly Circassian turnkey who kept pouring this terrible American aftershave on me called “Aqua Velva”.  I screamed at the top of my lungs.  When he fell asleep, I snuck out through the elevator shaft.  You see, we were kept 20 stories below ground in cells no wider than 2 feet and a height of no more than 8 inches.”  By the way, amazingly, my story was found to be consistent with everybody else’s.

MNS:  I don’t know. Your story sounds a bit unmooglich…..I mean…..improbable.

HOJA:  I heard that.  You’re German, aren’t you?

MNS:  Oh, I’m so tired of this. No…..(sigh)  I’m from Austria.

HOJA:  Yeah. Everybody says that.  You’re just worried about some Nuremberg thing.  Nothing wrong with being German. We liked the way you took care of your Jewish problem.  We did the same thing with about 2 million of those Armenian scum.  Should have done a better job.  So should you.  Don’t tell any one I said that.

MNS:  (Standing up)  I am appalled by your statements.  How dare you!

HOJA:  You’re not married are you?  I like zaftig dames. You remind me of this German opera singer I used to date in Hamburg.  Come on, get with it for some gemutlichkeit, Turkish style.  Hey, come on. Why leave when were just getting to know one another.  In any case, I don’t mind getting it on with your photographer. Hey, come back!

 

Brunhilde and Ogden immediately left his home never to return.

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Tariq Jabal
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Brunhilde Liebesbombe, our Wurlitzer Prize winning journalist, reporting exclusively for the Mercury News Service.
Ziad, Thank for this, I really needed a good laugh.

Henrik Svendsen
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Truth, again, has shone its brilliant light on this dirty turkish opportunist. Thanks Ziad 😀

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Hilarious, a master piece, one of your..uuppsss, Mercury News Service best “interview” ever, will remember for long time, thank you Ziad for this piece.

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iraqi kurds do turkey shoot on “Islamic State” http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=d79_1420994345

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“MNS: Do you think [NACROSOF] will have an impact on anything? “HOJA: No.” The best satire is that which is closest to the truth. Hoja himself admitted the impotence and irrelevance of his organisation in an interview with Al-Monitor (January 8). Basically he said he had three priorities which I summarise as: 1. They have to make themselves relevant to the internal opposition in Syria. (conceding irrelevance currently) 2. They have to make themselves relevant to the international community once again. Even the ‘Friends’ of Syria now ignore them, he concedes. 3. They have to take the political initiative (by… Read more »

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At UN, Call to Cancel Syria Photos, on Day of Charlie Hebdo Attack – By Matthew Russell Lee http://www.innercitypress.com/ban2syriaphotos010715.html UNITED NATIONS, January 7 — On a day when officials around the world and at the UN after the attack on Charlie Hebdo in Paris spoke about the right to freedom of expression and to display unpopular views, the UN received a protest to a photo exhibit about Syria set to begin the next day, January 8. The Syrian National Coalition — “the moderate opposition”, in Washingtonese — wrote to UN Management official Yukio Takasu: “It has come to my attention… Read more »

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Censorship in Turkey & Kuwait Raised at UN by Free UN Coalition for Access – By Matthew Russell Lee

http://www.innercitypress.com/funca1turkuwait010615.html

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On Syria Complaint Against Galbraith, Conflicting Reports of AFP & Reuters – By Matthew Russell Lee

http://www.innercitypress.com/syriagal1afpreuters010615.html

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Syria Coalition in Egypt, Dissing De Mistura, Slouching to Moscow? – By Matthew Russell Lee

http://www.innercitypress.com/syria1misturaegypt122814.html

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News Analysis: After Paris attack, U.S. could have a motivated ally in fight against terrorism

http://news.xinhuanet.com/english/indepth/2015-01/11/c_133911125.htm

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Fuck Syrian Opposition! Fuck Francois hollande and Fuck France!

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Dweezil.. hilarious.

P.s. the stunning vamp ( and ex austrian olympic power lifter ) is still rebuffing my romantic overtures.

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Syria says Paris attack underlines threat of radical Islamism http://www.todayszaman.com/latest-news_syria-says-paris-attack-underlines-threat-of-radical-islamism_369252.html The Syrian government said on Thursday the deadly attack on a magazine in Paris showed the danger of the kind of Islamist militancy espoused by insurgent groups fighting in the Syrian civil war. A government statement blamed “short-sighted European policies” for such incidents in Europe and bloodshed in Syria. Western states including France have backed the rebellion against President Bashar al-Assad. “This terrorist act makes clear without doubt the dangers posed by the spread of the phenomenon of takfiri terrorism, which poses a threat to stability and security across the… Read more »

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SMYRNA DISASTER Smyrna was one of the main business and cultural centers of Asia Minor. The Armenians had settled there since ancient times and were living in Getezerk, Karap, Haynots Armenian districts. The books and periodicals published in the publishing houses of Smyrna had a significant role in the cultural, public and political life of the Armenians. In Smyrna Mesropian School founded in 1799, Hripsimyan Girl’s School, and a number of private schools were working. There were four Armenian churches (the famous one was St. Stephanos church), a hospital and a theatre in Smyrna. The Armenian merchants of Smyrna had… Read more »

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Called a slut, forced to marry… Syrian refugees in Jordan tell their story

http://www.thetimes.co.uk/tto/arts/article4319043.ece

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Ziad, Leith reports that ISIS has established mandatory military conscription of males 15-25 in occupied Ar-Raqqa, Deir Essor, and Al-Haackah. This will net them thousands of recruits performing their “Islamic duty.” Do you think this is a game changer?

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Experts cast doubt on Spiegel claim of Syrian nuclear facility

http://www.adn.com/article/20150111/experts-cast-doubt-spiegel-claim-syrian-nuclear-facility

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Welcome new SNC guy! I hope Captain Kangaroo and the Prime Minister of Poop will make your transition as smooth as possible. An Eyes Wide Shut style party complete with sexy goats and sheep at al Khatibs house. Last one there’s a rotten egg!

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LOL I WOULD REALLY LIKE TO SEE THIS DUDE BE STUFFED WITH STRAW

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Turkish PM says ready to cooperate against terror threats http://news.xinhuanet.com/english/europe/europe/2015-01/11/c_133911497.htm ANKARA, Jan. 11 (Xinhua) — Turkish Prime Minister Ahmet Davutoglu on Sunday stressed his country’s readiness to cooperate with the international community to face terror threats. “Turkey has always showed its eagerness to cooperate with other states to deal with risks of terrorist attacks. Our close cooperation with other countries will continue on this issue,” Davutoglu told reporters at Ankara Esenboga Airport before leaving for Paris to join a rally there against extremism. On whether Turkey’s National Intelligence Agency has informed the French authorities about the terror suspect, Hayat Boumeddiene,… Read more »

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Western mercenaries waging all-out war on Muslim nations – analyst Mark Glen A political commentator says that Western mercenary forces have been killing Muslims in the Middle East and elsewhere in recent decades, Press TV reports. Mark Glenn, a writer and co-founder of the Crescent and Cross Solidarity Movement, an interfaith forum dedicated to uniting Muslims and Christians against Zionists, made the remarks in an interview with Press TV on Saturday. http://www.panorama.am/en/interviews/2015/01/12/mark-glenn/ The analyst said that the US-led Western countries have launched a drawn-out war against the Muslim nations through proxy terrorist groups across the Mideast and other parts of… Read more »

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Former French PM calls ISIS “deformed child of Western arrogant policy”
Reinforcement for the restive Hollande, under the vicious yoke of Zio-Washington false flag terrorism —
http://www.habilian.ir/en/201501122198/News/former-french-pm-calls-isis-deformed-child-of-western-arrogant-policy.html

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ISIS blitzkrieg mirrors tactics of those before them http://www.fltimes.com/opinion/article_bc5a300a-9943-11e4-ae3a-4337bd48de73.html ISIS will only be defeated when confronted by an army on the ground working in tandem with airpower. For the moment, neither the United States nor the major regional powers in the Middle East have any intention of fielding land armies, the proverbial “boots on the ground.” But in time they will and one suspects the colors the soldiers will be wearing will not be that of the United States, the NATO powers, or Washington’s current allies in the region. Once ISIS consolidates its hold on Iraq, Iran will move to… Read more »

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Appears like Syrian War have come to a stalemate? Is anybody significantly advancing anymore?

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Is there a list or picture of how many Syrian Journalists and Syrian TV and newspaper Moderators have been killed by the Rebels?

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TURKEY a welcoming safe harbor and passage for death squads mercenary terrorists heading to Syria is under the microscope now 😎 Turkey says woman wanted in Paris attacks entered Syria on Jan. 8 http://news.xinhuanet.com/english/europe/europe/2015-01/12/c_133913717.htm ANKARA, Jan. 12 (Xinhua) — Turkish Foreign Minister Mevlut Cavusoglu said on Monday that the woman wanted in the recent Paris terror attacks entered Syria from Turkey on Jan. 8, state media reported. Hayat Boumeddiene, wife of Amedy Coulibaly, who killed four hostages at a supermarket in Paris, arrived in Turkey from Madrid on Jan. 2, stayed at a hotel in Istanbul and went to Syria… Read more »

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New World Order Karma: Road Blocks are Going Up All Over France! 😎

France mobilises 10,000 security forces after attacks

http://www.todayonline.com/world/europe/france-mobilises-10000-security-forces-after-attacks

PARIS — France’s defence minister said today (Jan 12) the country is mobilising 10,000 security forces to protect the population. Mr Jean-Yves Le Drian said the deployment will begin tomorrow, and will focus on the most sensitive locations.

[…]

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SAUDI ARABIA silence is deafening!

Pope urges Muslim leaders to condemn religious-based violence

https://uk.news.yahoo.com/pope-urges-muslim-leaders-condemn-religious-based-violence-111928079.html#bn7vTbT

“Violence is always the product of a falsification of religion, its use a pretext for ideological schemes whose only goal is power over others,” the pope said.

“I express my hope that religious, political and intellectual leaders, especially those of the Muslim community, will condemn all fundamentalist and extremist interpretations of religion which attempt to justify such acts of violence,” the pope said in a section about the Middle East.

[…]

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Russian citizen [Chechen] identified as suicide bomber in Turkey’s Istanbul

http://news.xinhuanet.com/english/world/2015-01/08/c_133906282.htm

“Foreign phone numbers” were found in the cell phone of the assailant, named Diana Ramazova, who spoke Russian with a taxi driver before the attack, Daily News said, adding that the clues reportedly led the police to believe that the woman might be a Chechen.

[…]

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The Syrian Foreign Ministry is reading Syrian Perspective 😉 Syria accuses Turkey of terrorism growth in the region DAMASCUS, Jan. 12 (Xinhua) — The Syrian Foreign Ministry said on Monday that Turkey’s statement about the entry through Turkey into Syria of a suspected female accomplice of extremist militants behind the recent Paris attacks indicates Ankara’s involvement in facilitating the flow of terrorists into the conflict-stricken country, state news agency SANA reported. The Syrian statement came shortly after Turkish Foreign Minister Mevlut Cavusoglu said early Monday that the 26-year-old Hayat Boumeddiene, suspected of links to the recent Paris terror attacks, entered… Read more »

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German intelligence chief urges Turkey to prevent extremist travel

http://townhall.com/news/world/2015/01/12/german-intel-chief-urges-turkey-to-prevent-extremist-travel-n1941756

BERLIN (AP) — Germany’s domestic intelligence chief on Monday urged Turkey to do more to prevent extremists crossing into Syria to join the Islamic State group and other terrorist organizations.

Hans-Georg Maassen, the head of Germany’s domestic intelligence agency, said Turkey is a “key country” because well over 90 percent of the radicals traveled via Turkey.

“so it is all the more necessary that the Turks take further measures,” Maassen told ARD television.

[…]

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Lavrov feels Western leaders wish to resume cooperation with Russia on counter terrorism http://rbth.com/news/2015/01/12/lavrov_feels_western_leaders_wish_to_resume_cooperation_with_russia_on_c_42812.html Russian Foreign Minister Sergei Lavrov, who took part in the march in Paris on Sunday, said he had felt during contacts with the Western leaders that they are ready to change the situation in which cooperation on counterterrorism between Russia and the Western countries was frozen. “I felt, including in yesterday’s brief conversation with French President Francois Hollande before the ceremony, a wish to change this unhealthy situation,” Lavrov told a press conference. Lavrov also said the two terrorists who broke into the editorial office of… Read more »

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Man! You have to love Ron Paul! 😀 😀 Ron Paul: Lessons From Paris FREE SPEECH IS UNDER ATTACK … IN AMERICA http://www.fitsnews.com/2015/01/12/ron-paul-lessons-paris/#jZoOQA5GLzlmvUwq.99 After the tragic shooting at a provocative magazine in Paris last week, I pointed out that given the foreign policy positions of France we must consider blowback as a factor. Those who do not understand blowback made the ridiculous claim that I was excusing the attack or even blaming the victims. Not at all, as I abhor the initiation of force. The police blaming victims when they search for the motive of a criminal. The mainstream media… Read more »

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Germany weighs measures to combat terrorism following Paris attacks

http://news.xinhuanet.com/english/europe/europe/2015-01/13/c_127380623.htm

The minister told Germany’s Bild newspaper that he would create laws to more SEVERELY PUNISH FINANCIAL BACKERS OF TERRORIST GROUPS, as well as radical islamists traveling to conflict zones.

Too funny! 😀 😀 😀

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Syria denies nuke plant report

http://news.iafrica.com/worldnews/978048.html

Syria on Monday denied a report that President Bashar al-Assad’s government is building a secret underground plant with the aim of developing nuclear weapons, state news agency SANA said.

“Syria denies these allegations,” said SANA.

It accused German news magazine Der Spiegel of publishing “lies and ridiculous allegations, like the idea that Syria is building a nuclear plant.”

[…]

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No shit! 😎 Shiite political bloc claims US ‘cultivated’ Islamic State Al-Ahrar’s criticism comes as Iraqi PM says that US-led support for country’s army has been ‘slow’ http://www.middleeasteye.net/news/shiite-political-bloc-claims-us-cultivated-islamic-state-1683814058 The US administration “gave rise to IS, cultivated it and used it as a tool to terrorise the masses,” a spokesperson for the al-Ahrar bloc, a group of politicians following the teachings of Shiite preacher Muqtada al-Sadr, told Anadolu Agency. “The US supported IS (in the beginning). But it rebelled later on and started to expand,” said Hussein al-Awadi, al-Ahrar’s spokesperson. “That’s when the US resorted to remedying its image as if… Read more »

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I am not sure if it was on LBC or i think MTV but they had an interview with an imam not sure if iranina but he made great points and they had that idiot anjem choudary on as well