SYRPER’S AWARDS TO SYRIAN OPPOSITION’S MILITARY LEADERS; JACQUES CLOUSEAU PRIZE NOMINEES ANNOUNCED!

 

We are winding our way down to the end of the year and that means the awards will start coming with increasing frequency.  Today, the Board of Governors of Syrian Perspective and the Arts Council of the Mercury News Service announced the finalists in the competition for the “Jacques Clouseau Prize”.  This much-desired award goes to those members of the Syrian Opposition Military whose exploits and military accomplishments have captured the imagination of a large segment of the Comedy Writers Union headquartered in Tijuana, Mexico.  Here is the first nominee:

 

1.  ZAHRAAN ‘ALLOOSH:  ‘Alloosh has proven that one can conduct a military campaign even while huddling under a blanket in a spider hole somewhere around Damascus – specifically: Doumaa.  The blanket which he has kept for over 38 years was one with which his mother used to swaddle him as a baby.  He has been seen issuing draconian instructions to his lieutenants while clutching feverishly at the blanket seeking inspiration and assurance from it. ‘Alloosh normally denounces Shi’is and ‘Alawis only when the blanket is within sight.  He calls it “Hanoonti”, which is what his mother used to call him.

‘Alloosh’s genius in battle cannot be underestimated.  It’s not easy to command a force of over 50,000 Islamist murderers and riffraff only to lose 45,000 of them to the Syrian Army, ISIS, Nusra, AIDS, Captagon, whooping cough, desertion, sinus congestion,  Amnesty Program, leprosy, acne and heartburn.  ‘Alloosh recently delivered an inspiring speech from his favorite culvert in Al-Ibb Farms to his troops, on his Facebook page,  excoriating “apostates” and “unclean devil worshipers” for the fall of the Ma`rib Dam in Yemen, not to mention the short-lived Umayyad Dynasty, the death of Joan Rivers and the Ebola virus.

In happier days, ‘Alloosh is seen here screaming: “On to Samarqand!”.  (Unfortunately, Samarqand was in the other direction.) The one seated to his right is a former Dearborn, Michigan resident by the name of Hassan “The Raghead” Kawchookji who is evading an arrest warrant in the U.S. for running a numbers racket for jihadists in Brooklyn, N.Y. (See United States v. “Chingachkook” a/k/a “Kawchookji”, 18 S.Ct. 2098, 456 U.S.1462, 30 L.Ed.2d 11)

 

2.  RIYAADH AL-AS’AD:  People in the U.S. used to say of JFK, “Gosh, we never knew you”.  And so it is said also of the great former Syrian Air Force Colonel Riyaadh Al-As’ad.  Al-As’ad, (honest to God!), is a founder of the notional grouping called the Free Syrian Army.  This is the military the U.S. and its allies wanted to lead the revolt against the Syrian government in order to replace it with a brown-nosing, arse-licking, line-toeing, sycophantish, servile oligarchy of obsequious oafs.  As it turned out for the genii in D.C., they would have been luckier to get the Salvation Army.

Al-As’ad spent his adult life in the Syrian Air Force.  He eventually reached the rank of colonel, but, was pitilessly relegated to tasks involving keeping runways clear of sand and ice cream wrappers.  Although he claims to be an engineer, the only accomplishment he ever “engineered” were some Romanian male orphans gifted to the Ameer of Qatar by Ahmad Jarbaa when he was running his laureled “Hasaka Hookers and Hookas, Inc.”.  Al-As’ad’s role was in directing the Tupolev aircraft to an isolated runway near Al-Qaa`im.  When the Syrian government closed down the brothel run by Jarbaa, Al-As’ad did not get his “bakhsheesh” for the event and vowed “eternal revenge” against Assad.

Al-As’ad, seen here in this iconic photograph, entertains bizarre ideas about the origins of the planets.  He claims to be descended from aliens on the Planet Zontar to which he was about to visit by “folding space” once he donned his signature magical cape.  Robert Ford’s hands can be seen helping the colonel to prepare for his departure.

 

Al-As’ad came to his position with many deficits, one of which was a tendency to attract disaster, not unlike the fictional character whose eponymous award he is trying to win.  The colonel has a tendency to lose limbs in combat and in failed assassinations.  Why, he even loses sons as he did last year when some nasty person tried to blow up his car in Turkey killing his son who, like his papa, deserted and joined the ranks of the nihilists financed by the Arabian monkeys.

“Look Ma, no feet”.  Al-As’ad seen after his leg-wrenching mishap in Mayaadeen in March 2013.  He was to get another crack at death in Turkey which took the life of his son. 

 

3.  SALEEM IDREES:  Martinet, Miles Gloriosus, Mengele look-alike, muffin-head.  Such words immediately come to mind when talking about this symbol of the down-curve in American foreign policy.  He succeeded Al-As’ad to the leadership of the amorphous body called the FSA.  Unlike Al-As’ad who was a mere colonel responsible for sweeping airbase runways and procuring preteen boy-toys for Arabian pederasts, Idrees was a full general tasked with inspecting toilet facilities and detecting foot fungus sufferers at the Aleppo Infantry Academy.   He was later seconded to the Television Repair Directorate overseeing the replacement of television sets at the Ba’ath Party Regional Command Branch Office -Aleppo.   You see, the general is an East German-trained electrician.

The resemblance to Dr. Josef Mengele is uncanny, as I’ve said before.  Here, in this photo, circa 2010, Idrees is tempted with a visa to Darwin, Australia,  and a life of chasing flying crocodiles.  

 

Idrees was unceremoniously dumped by his loyalists after he was caught hording weapons sent by the United States through its various surrogates in Turkey.  He was accused of preferring certain units to others in an alleged whitewash, drain-and-starve scheme to sell the weapons to the Boko Haram in Nigeria.  One FSA unit, calling itself the “Fighting Fairies of Falluja”, was on the receiving end of most of his largesse, (that’s pronounced lar-jess – although he has that other one also), and flaunted the new weapons in scandalous ribald poses with Turkish officers at the border crossing near Reyhanli.  When confronted by members of the “Battle of Badr Barking Butterball Brigades” about the insufferable disgrace brought to their organization, Idrees calmly retorted: “Oh, that’s just R & R.  They’ll be back in action soon.  Here, take a Captagon pill.”

Idrees, ever the Syrian patriot, now lives in Doha, Qatar.  He has been hired by the Al-Thaani family to light the Christmas tree at the “John Wayne Gacy International Airport” in the capital.  After all, he is an electrician.

 

4. ‘ABDUL-ILAAH AL-BASHEER AL-NU’AYMI.  This bamboozling rodent spends most of his time learning Yiddish in a school in Safad and visiting injured Nusra terrorists in the nearby hospital.  He reached the rank of Brigadier General because of his tribal affiliations.  Any look at this ding-dong’s face tells you he’s definitely tribal.  He has managed to do the impossible:  He has turned a sow’s ear into another sow’s ear.  When he succeeded the illustrious Saleem Idrees as the “Chief of Staff of the Free Syrian Army”, he vowed to expand the horizons of his team of traitors, deviants, derelicts, spooks and ne’er-do-wells.  What he has wrought instead is a bag of gas; another pretentious sounding acronym made to order for the John McCains of this world.  For, as you will see, this wanker has defaulted and abdicated his role in favor of the only effective American-created fighting forces in Syria: ISIS and Nusra.

 

 

Would you buy a used car from this dude?  We think not.  But, Obama is asking for more money to insure this former SAA officer lives in luxury for the rest of his miserable life.  That may not be too long away what with the fine young cannibals hovering around him.

 

Al-Basheer can now proudly order a “corned beef sandwich on the lean side”; “bagel lox and creamed cheese sandwich”; “fragles”; “old dills”; “Gefilte Fish without the schkudda”; “matzo ball soup”; “pickled herring” and all the other delicacies Eastern European Jews brought to Palestine.  Why, he’s reportedly begun mispronouncing his Arabic: “Khummus”, “Khalva” and “Khagha!”.  It’s even gotten worse as he now mispronounces English words to sound like he’s a Jew: “Let’s go togezzare to my muzzare’s viz my brozzare”, for example.  All the while, as he polishes his image to erase vestiges of his yokel origins, he remains, nonetheless, in the eyes of his beholders, nothing more than a cheap Syrian imitation of Jed Clampett. Or, maybe worse, Pa Kettle.

Al-Basheer has no field command experience and that’s because nobody in his right mind would put the lives of innocent Syrian soldiers in his trust.  The Zionists nurture him for the reason that they like to isolate the traits they most prefer in Arabs – traits that when multiplied beget innocuous, sterile, impotent, monochromatic, Manichean, bibulous buffoons who leave behind a society of nothing more than blackened stools.  How can Zionism not prosper in such an environment?

 

5.  ABU MUHAMMAD AL-JAWLAANI:  Nobody can have carte blanche with the lives of tens of thousands of committed airheads unless he works for Mephistopheles himself.   This is one rat, a King Rat, who also herds the flies of this earth.  It must be a nightmare to receive the kind of casualty reports he daily peruses to see his Empire of Fly Afterbirths shrivel by the truckload.  Like Satan, he is at war with existence – he needs to end it by reversing creation which he does by warring with the Syrian Army, ISIS and everybody else who steps on the spent merd hill he calls his home.  His nihilism is further enhanced by those who support him: Erdoghan and the Qatari primates.  Obama and Cameron.  The Zionist Abomination.

Al-Jawlaani’s name is like that of the Hebrew G-d – it cannot be known.  Or, it’s like the 100th name of Allah for Muslims.  It is known only to God.  His nom de guerre suggests he’s from the Golan Heights although the toponymics here might be to confuse those who would like to do him in.  But, SyrPer has his name on file.  We can now reveal it to our readership with the understanding that it is not to be uttered. It must be kept within you.  Do not speak it lest ye be turned into a pile of Jacqueline Susann novels.  For he is the one and only, HERSCHEL BARUCH BLAHUNGSTEIN.                

It is hard to conceive of anyone who has done more to strengthen the Zionist Ghetto State than this Satan worshiper.  No one has done more to distract the eyes of the world from the grim reality of Palestinian life under the heels of the Nazi- Khazar SS “Einsatzgruppen”.  Nobody has claimed to be for Syrian Muslims while he contributes mightily to the demolition of their homes, sanctuaries and antiquities.  Do not believe, even for one moment, that there is some good in everyone.  This son of a fly came straight from Hell. He was already dead and sent to our world from the cesspool that is Arabia; from the swamp that’s Erdoghan’s mind; from the bubbling sewer that is Washington D.C.  ZAF

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gamejoe
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Ziad…What about the zionist/ McCain ass licking Abu Bakr al Baghdadi. Not on the list ?

Interesting article how the US needed IS as a trojan horse for their objective to topple Assad. With a Syria friendly Irak the objectives will not be reached.

Close the route from Iran to Syria…is why US militairy intervention in Irak is needed. IS is the smokescreen to make it happen
http://www.globalresearch.ca/the-endgame-of-the-us-islamic-state-strategy/5413399

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This is an incredibly tough contest, almost impossible. My vote goes to Zahraan Alloosh, his false flag chemical attack in Ghouta will be remembered for eternity.
Ziad, the “Hasaka Hookers and Hookas, Inc.” was beyond hilarious, I just can not stop laughing.
Great piece my friend.

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So, regarding the Aleppo ceasefire proposal. If it is based on the Homs arrangement as outlined in Al Masdar News article, what’s the downside for SAA?

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Hey Arklight, will this be happening this time ? Hard to know, but 3 F16s by December seems too good to be true, they say delivery will end by May next yr.

http://www.iraqinews.com/iraq-war/us-deliver-f-16-fighter-jets-iraq/

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If Assad agrees to the cease fire proposal in Aleppo then he will have committed treason. The whole idea behind this proposal is to save the Erdogan regime’s illegitimate interests in northern Syria, and just like favours done for mafia buddies, Erdogan has enlisted the Putin regime to be an active proponent of the idea. These ‘powers’ as they are so called (in reality they are just mafia gangs) are merely traders in Syrian blood, they look on Syria as an arena where scores are settled and battles made, they make all the warring sides dependent on them and then… Read more »

cru
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Excellent commentary and very funny stuff unlike the dry mindbending attempted by western lamestream media

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Ziad can I have your thoughts on this interview with Fisk on ABC Australia? Do you know from when this is’ http://www.abc.net.au/lateline/content/2014/s4125600.htm

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Professor Hall: US Created ISIL to Extend So-Called War on Terror – See more at: http://en.alalam.ir/news/1648019#sthash.OOs7CigP.ZXPYl1zj.dpuf.. http://en.alalam.ir/news/1648019#sthash.OOs7CigP.uxfs ..

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Isis in Syria: The story of the martyred soldiers who fought ‘to the last bullet’ to avoid the fate of captured comrades beheaded by militants..an article from the independend.co.uk news…

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Iraq News article about the formation of an all female combat unit in Anbar. I think the dudes there should get used to the idea of the ladies in jeans and workshirts, good boots and a trail bandana on their faces to preserve modesty.
Link: http://www.iraqinews.com/iraq-war/daughters-right-first-female-force-fight-isis-anbar/

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This old decrepit slave hag does not mind working with Israel!!

Merkel Aide Rules Out Working With Assad Despite Rise of IS Group

http://www.voanews.com/content/merkel-aid-rules-out-working-with-assad-despite-rise-of-is-group/2515918.html

[…]

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November 11, in Eastern Guta units of the Army broke the defense line and led to positions previously occupied by Dzhesh al-Islam militants in the eastern part of the country Zebdin. At the same time, the positions of the enemy inside are subjected to massive attack by artillery, missile troops and aviation Zebdine and Deir Asafire.. conflicts continued on the plantations of Vafiden, as well as in the vicinity of Hosh al-Fara and Meydan.. Plantations Reyhan, militants tried unsuccessfully to attack the strongholds of the Army..In Zamalka in the first line of contact forces of the Army, through a tunnel… Read more »

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White House details new $5.6B war request, billions for O&M http://www.marinecorpstimes.com/story/military/capitol-hill/2014/11/11/white-house-details-war-request/18853935/ WASHINGTON — The White House’s new $5.6 billion request for additional funding to fight the military advances of the Islamic State group in Iraq and Syria contains specific provisions that begin to detail the scope of the missions launched so far and how expensive it will be to station US ground troops in Iraq in the coming months. The request comes along with the Obama administration’s Friday announcement that it is sending an additional 1,500 troops to Iraq to bolster the 1,600 already authorized to help train, advise and… Read more »

dudleydoright911
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Remarkable and hilarious. Thanks for clearing up aloosh’s case of severe arrested emotional development. It explains his fascination with hello kitty.

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Seven Charged For Aiding Islamic State http://www.malaysiandigest.com/news/527516-seven-charged-for-aiding-islamic-state.html SEPANG: Seven people were today charged in three different courts for providing support to the Islamic State (IS) militant group. Those charged were a bakery worker, a financial consultant, a car salesman, a nursery operator and three shop assistants. Bakery worker Mohammd Na’im Abd Rashid, 26, was charged in the Sepang sessions court for providing support to IS. He is alleged to have entered Syria through a Qatar Airways flight from KL International Airport 2 (klia2) via Istanbul in Turkey for the purpose. The accused is alleged to have committed the offence at… Read more »

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2 policemen injured in shooting in Saudi city Qatif

http://news.xinhuanet.com/english/world/2014-11/12/c_133782601.htm

Qatif, a high Shiite population city, has been witnessing protests for more rights in Saudi Arabia with Majority Sunnis.

[…]

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Australian Newspaper Questions Authenticity Of Viral Syrian Girl Rescue Video, Suggests It Is A Hoax Was it a daring rescue by a brave boy or an Internet hoax perpetuated to gain global sympathy for the Islamic State extremists? http://au.ibtimes.com/articles/572463/20141112/australian-newspaper-questions-authenticity-viral-syrian-girl.htm The Australian questioned on Wednesday the authenticity of that 1-minute, 6-second video which had became viral with more than 500,000 hits in one day. The doubt was because the uploader of the clip which showed “an extraordinary moment of bravery” is the Shaam News Network. To rescue a young girl, the boy-hero in the clip pretended to have been hit by… Read more »

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Colonel Riyaadh Al-As’ad’s Audition for SyrPer’s Jacques Clouseau Award …
* * * * *
“What do we know?
ONE.. That the professor and his daughter have been kidnap-ped,
TWO… That someone has kid-nap-ped them and,
THREE….. MY LEG, IT IS GONE!!!”
— Do you know what kind of a bomb it was?
Al-As’ad: “Yes, the exploding kind…”
“I suggest you count my legs, you may find that one of them is missing…”

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Abu Muhammad al-Jawlaani’s Morning Prayer, a.k.a., EXHORTATION TO PAZUZU “Pazuzu lord of the Southwest wind I summon thee (swat, swat) Pazuzu Oh brother of Humwawa I summon thee (slap, swat) Oh grinning dark angel I summon thee. Oh horned double-winged demon I summon thee (swipe, smack, swat) Pazuzu sink your teeth into Ziad Abu Amin Fadel (swat, slap) Pazuzu may your howl destroy his/her soul (swat, sting, –Ouch!) Oh Pazuzu who lays hold upon your victim until death (swipe, swat, buzz, buzz) Kill Ziad my tormentor (buzz, smack, swat) Before two cycles of the moon (buzz, buzz, slap) For this… Read more »

E
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Is it true that various SAA positions south of Hasakah (particularly the town of Sab’a) have fallen to ISIS? A little worrying, as they’d held out for so long.

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Whats the deal with the ceasefire in Aleppo? The rebels are getting their ass-kicked royally and Assad OK’s a potential ceasefire? Something smells fishy. Is their some deal made somewhere with someone we don’t know about? These ceasefire makes absolutely no sense, someone shed some light on why this is even being considered?

It’s like USA making a deal with Adolph Hitler as they are surrounding Berlin.

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http://davidstockmanscontracorner.com/tuesdays-bad-news-invader-in-chief-mccain-will-head-senate-war-committee/

Is that good news or bad news?
Sure he will try to solve all problems by force, on the other hand there is a huge chance his [olicies nothing but a suicide. So , mad old jester with a hand granade, good or bad ?

Roger
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” Mengele look-alike, muffin-head”

Mengele had a double doctorate (in medicine and anthrophology) and probably mostly wrongfully accused of doing this and that. Just like Assad and Syrian leadership is accused today (barrel bombs civilians, gas attacks etc.) . Mengele denied personally harming anyone until the end of his days.

I’m pretty sure western media has called Assad a new Hitler, also.

http://en.metapedia.org/wiki/Josef_Mengele

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Worth reading article about the backstage negotiations for a political solution, see how Russia and Egypt is leading this possible mid term solution, interesting concept of a new transitional “Legislative” group led by a “unprovocative” figure, consensus name probably, why keeping the “Executive” powers with Dr Assad, meaning Army among other things.
Have not see any more details, would love to hear Syrpers’ readers take on.

http://www.electronicresistance.net/2014/11/russia-proposes-formation-of-syrian-transitional-government/

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ZIAD: Ref: ‘Four Months Into Iraq War 3.0, the Cracks Are Showing’ (Published in our comments section on November 10, 2014 by Anonymous and approved for publication on SyrPer… ‘Real nice article’) Forgive me if I’m wrong (I admit I frequently am) but I am under the impression from the wording that this ‘nice’ article was submitted and WRITTEN by ‘Anonymous.I read this article myself yesterday, BEFORE it appeared on SyPer. I even considered posting it (with a link.) When I saw it on SyPer, I knew it was somehow familiar. Here’s the opening lines of the original article with… Read more »

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Laughs apart, here’s the new Robert Fisk from the SAA in Qamishli.
It’s a very useful article, I will use it on Google+ this evening.
Can you find any fault in it ?
http://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/middle-east/isis-in-syria-the-story-of-the-martyred-soldiers-who-fought-to-the-last-bullet-to-avoid-the-fate-of-captured-comrades-beheaded-by-militants-9854693.html

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Laugh of the week! First, the NOT funny bit…….. Three young activists have been found beheaded in Derna, in eastern Libya. The three – Mohamed al-Mesmari, Siraj Ghatish and Mohamed Battu – used social media to report on the plight of their city. Derna is now reportedly under the control of the Islamic Youth Shura Council, which has imposed strict Sharia Law across the city. Public executions, floggings and separation of men and women have all been reported in recent days. http://www.ibtimes.co.uk/3-libyan-activists-beheaded-by-suspected-islamist-militants-linked-isis-1474340 Now for the FUNNY part…… A Human Rights Group is asking the UN Human Rights Council (YAWN) to… Read more »

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Very large SAA force in the direction of the southern front, not much detail of it but it seems a game change force from east ghouta, it may reflect a change in strategy in the south to cut rat in pieces and finally secure this front.
Source: syria24, shaamtimes.net

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Building a transitional government including unarmed opposition home and to some degree abroad in exchange for government and military control of Aleppo isn’t a bad thing. Such a proposal should at least be considered, as President Assad already has said. The thing is bringing Iran on board and for them this is a question related with lifting the sanctions of western countries against Syria and especially Iran itself for sure. This is a strategic move by Russia to bring movement in a somewhat deadlocked situation in the whole middle east. Consider this as a call-up for contstructive politics. I’d like… Read more »

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Government and military control of Aleppo must of course include control of Tal Rifaat. If the opposition is unable or unwilling to separate itself from the terrorists then there can be self-evidently no claim for them to be representing at least in part the syrian people but terrorists.

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Any Law and Order viewers wonder what happened to Christopher Meloni? Looks like he and Golani are one in the same! Picture him without the beard and look at this:

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/a/a8/Elliot_Stabler_-_SVU.png

giulio larosa Pescara Italy - twosicilies
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canthama you really great! you have always very interesting news and based on fact, not propaganda. I would to tank you for that