ROBERT DENIRO’S SYRIAN SNAFU BEHIND ERIC HOLDER RESIGNATION; EXCLUSIVE MNS REPORT

(New York City, N.Y., MNS reporter Brunhilde Liebesbombe with staff photographer Ogden Orffe):  The well-kept secret behind the sudden departure of Attorney General Eric Holder from his post has been leaked by officials at the White House in a seemingly orchestrated effort to embarrass the president. MNS has learned that an “obsession” with Robert DeNiro forced the president’s hand in demanding Holder’s resignation before his alleged “psychosis” became public.  It appears that Mr. Holder believes strongly that Syrian terrorist leader, Zahran Alloush of the “Army of Islam” is, in fact, Robert DeNiro (one of the world’s most laurelled actors) and that Mr. DeNiro’ absence from the Hollywood scene for four years is explained by his leadership of the anti-Assad, Saudi-supported terrorist organization.

We spoke to former head of Syria’s General Security Directorate, Lt. General Ali Mamlouk, about this over the telephone.  General Mamlouk now advises the Syrian president about internal security matters.  We asked him to discuss the whereabouts of Zahran Alloush who is believed by some very prestigious news sources, especially Syrian Perspective, to be holed up in the farm areas around Douma.  General Mamlouk was quick to dismiss such speculation as “the fantasies of wine-addled derelicts” and asserted that Syrian military intelligence sources continue to be puzzled by Alloush’s disappearance.  “I doubt he could be Mr. DeNiro.  Although, they do resemble each other, ”  he remarked.  “We may have to put out our first warrant for the arrest of an American actor.  Our only other one is for Danny the Syrian from England.  He was a terrible actor.  And, don’t worry, we don’t sell people to ISIS. Ha,ha, ha.” 

 

“……they do resemble each other,” remarked Lt. General Ali Mamlouk

 

 

It is common knowledge that Attorney General, Eric Holder, suffered from periods of what Hortense Snifter, a former aide, called “creepy behavior”.  Holder reportedly launched a fan club for the Gabor sisters recently after bedizened actress Zsa Zsa Gabor, legendary Hungarian tart, polyandrist, nonagenarian and shameless gold digger,  announced that Joan Rivers “deserved to die”.  Rivers, herself, an obnoxious New York Jewess with the mannerisms of a chimpanzee suffering alcoholic withdrawal, constantly hectored Madame Gabor with references to her record number of facelifts.  Rivers once suggested that when Gabor fainted, the EMS didn’t know whether to take Gabor to hospital or a polyurethane factory.   

After and Before.  Zsa Zsa, besides marrying fatalistic and perennially constipated British actor, George Sanders, inter alia, introduced many American expressions that will survive her 93 years: “Air head”, “Space Cadet”, “Ditzy Blonde”, “Dumbuffski”, “Hunkie Whore” and so many others which made her the “daahling” of all millionaires who were despised, frustrated and marginalized weasels in high school.   On the right, Zsa Zsa can be seen involved in her favorite activity.  

 

The Gabor Sisters fan club event was reported to Mr. Obama who, reportedly, consulted with the First Lady.  Michelle Obama immediately suggested that Mr. Holder be “quietly sent to Coventry”, so to speak.  But, there was more to this.  Prior to the eruption of the the scandal concerning the Gabor Sisters Fan Club, the President was told about Holder’s idee fixe regarding Robert De Niro being a notorious Syrian terrorist.  The Prez brushed off all recommendations that Mr. Holder be fired and opted for “benign neglect”, as Ms. Snifter called it.  The situation turned much worse.  FBI Director, James Comey, told MNS that he started to get calls from Mr. Holder,every day, asking him: “ ‘Did you arrest De Niro yet?’  Of course, we couldn’t because Mr. De Niro hadn’t done anything.  The resemblance to Alloush is uncanny, though.  Some of our field agents started to look for forensic evidence that would prove Alloush was De Niro.”  

Our Investigative Team was directed to the only man who might be able to explain this serpentine narrative.  Only Martin Scorsese, De Niro’s longtime director and mentor, could unravel it all.  What he told us was shocking!

We met up with Mr. Scorsese as he was involved in his beloved avocation: talking endlessly.  In Central Park, we discovered him confabulating with pigeons while holding a bag of bread crumbs which he refused to share with the notorious avian predators:

 

MNS:  Hello, Mr. Scorsese. What an honor. I love your movies.  Could I talk to you about Robert De Niro?

SCORSESE:  Yeah. Bobby. Sure. Yeah.  Good actor.  No personality dough.

MNS:  What do you mean by that?

SCORSESE:  Bobby, he’s like da guy in da script.  You give him a script and he becomes dat person until he gets anudda script.  Remember, Jake LaMotta?  “Raging Bull”.  He became a boxah for weeks till we shook him out with anudda script.

Martin Scorsese tormented pigeons by pretending to feed them.  He kept his bag of bread crumbs for himself 

 

MNS: So,what is the problem now?

SCORSESE:  ‘Bout four yeahs ago, we gat dis idea for a new flick ‘bout terrorists.  A yeee afta dat, right? we get da script from dis Yid from Brooklyn, right?, ‘about a guy named Balabaan Ballaboosh, or sometin.  A real killa.  Haarrible. Haarible! An, da kicker is he looks just like Bobby.  Dead ringa.  Bobby takes da script and flies ta Syracuse, I guess……

MNS: You mean Syria, probably.

SCORSESE:  Nah, Syracuse.  Gotta be……Anyhow, he comes back lookin’ even mo like Calabash, or whatevah.  Couldn’t shake him.  Bobby started lightin’ fires in people’s homes in Bay Ridge.  We kept it quiet, me and da studios. He stahted goin’ to Muslim restaurants ta eat falafil. Anyways, he almost killed my aunt Dolly in dis fayah, right?.  Y’know.  We sorta knew da FBI was getting hip, right?

MNS:  So, that solves the mystery.  DeNiro is not Zahraan Alloush.

SCORSESE:  Nah. He izzzzzz Balaboosh.  He’s every characta he’s gotta be.  Bobby is yer man.

MNS:  Well. I don’t know.  It sounds all so veerd. Oops.

SCORSESE:  Hey, you a kraut?  Sound like one.

MNS:  I am from Austria.

SCORSESE:  Dey all say dat.  You just wanna avoid the Katzenburg War Crimes trial.

MNS:  Mr. Scorsese.  Why don’t you feed the pigeons?

SCORCESE:  Oh, yeah. Right. Da bread’s for da veal cutlets.  I never feed these flyin’ rats.

 

We left Mr. Scorsese even more puzzled.  We called a number given to us by an informant who claimed it was Mr. DeNiro’s at his Long Island home.  The answering machine was very telling:

“Thank you and Allah be praised.  Listen goofball!  I’m out doin’ Allah’s work in Coney Island.  You are all infidels.  You talkin’ to me?  You talkin’ to me?  Salami Salami Baloney. Blip.”     

Mr. Holder seen here watching reruns of the long-running television series, Green Acres, starring Zsa Zsa’s sister, Eva Gabor.  “Golly, ain’t she cute?”, he comments.  His relationship to the Gabors is now being investigated by the FBI.  Mr. Holder has reportedly been committed to the Walter Reade Center for Deviant Behavior.

 

 

ROBERT DENIRO’S SYRIAN SNAFU BEHIND ERIC HOLDER RESIGNATION; EXCLUSIVE MNS REPORT by
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Bob Birk
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Bob Birk
US struggles to blunt Syria rebel anger at strikes Syrian opposition charges that Washington is coordinating its strikes against IS with the Assad regime, wonders why strikes don’t target Syrian army or Hezbollah troops as well. Associated Press Published: 09.27.14, 19:56 / Israel News BEIRUT – The US is struggling to counter anger among the Syrian opposition, where many believe that the air campaign against extremists in the country is only helping President Bashar Assad and that Washington is coordinating with Damascus, despite American insistence it backs the rebel cause. Since the US-led campaign of air raids and missile strikes… Read more »
Arklight
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Arklight

Bob: Good grief!

Anonymous
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Anonymous

Well, its official: The sunni muslims have become pathetic media propoganda whores and have learned from the Israelies to cry and whine their victimhood to any camera or journalist that gives them the time of day.

Boris
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Boris

What is wrong with you? Just post the title and the link, that is sufficient, gawd.

Bob Birk
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Bob Birk

Fuck off Boris!

serb support syria
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are you nervous boris?

Anonymous
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Anonymous

Associated Press = France Bullshit Media. To make it look US is helping to fight terrorism. There are reports from Kurds of US planes totally ignoring ISIS tanks ,fly over them..and keep attacking empty buildings..

Canthama
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Canthama

Ziad, hilarious this piece, another master work my friend, can not stop laughing. That dialog with scorsese was simply genius. Well done.

Tony Lizzerri
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Tony Lizzerri

Ziad, that was funny. 🙂

On a serious note, check out this article. Would like your thoughts on it.

http://www.activistpost.com/2014/09/libya-20-us-says-no-fly-zone-over-syria.html

Arklight
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Arklight

Tony: I do not speak for Ziad, but this was fully predictable; Now, nothing to do but wait until the enemy rolls the rest down hill onto Syria.

the Thylacine
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the Thylacine

Another collectable rib-tickler from the keyboard of Ziad the mentat!
Am I the only one who notices the ratlike head on Holder?
kudos to the team.

Ozsceptic
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Ozsceptic

The Thylacine: I second that kudos.. and yes I did notice the rat-head too.
Very good indeed Ziad. What more can we ask for? .. good news and a good laugh.
Thanks to you all at SyPer

Arklight
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Arklight

Just a note: in the far right thumbnail, labeled ‘Second Post, June 15, 2013’ ‘Captain Kangaroo’ is portrayed as taking command of the Fake Syrian Army. Captain Kangaroo, in real life, was awarded the Congressional Medal of Honor for valor on Iwo Jima. For those who may be curious, the first day cost the lives of 6,000 Marines.

Arklight
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Arklight

ISF and volunteer retake dam northeast of Baghdad. Having no American help was probably the key to success.
Link: http://www.presstv.com/detail/2014/09/27/380252/iraqi-forces-recapture-dam-in-diyala/

Tony Lizzerri
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Tony Lizzerri

The Iraqi Army is an absolute embarrassment. Corrupt and cowardly. Tens of thousands of them in tanks and planes and heavy artillery cant take ground from a bunch of rag tag savages. Fuck the ISF.

Arklight
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Arklight

Hey, Tony – – why don you just gear yourself up, go on to Falujah and show ’em how it’s done, by personal example.

Jimmy M.
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Jimmy M.

Ziad, you are a national treasure. Your gift for expression, wit, and literary flare never ceases to amaze me. Keep up the great work and thank you for your tireless and relentless defense of the Syrian people and their dignity. God bless you.

Amir
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Amir

Yo Jimmy … right on bro !! My thoughts too. Love and peace

CHEVI789
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Thanks Ziad, that was a funny interview, love the accents.

Bob Birk
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Bob Birk

My article was far more interesting than Ziads drunken ramblings, yet none of you praise me? Why?

the Thylacine
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the Thylacine

Sorry bubba, I went to sleep reading your rant. Ziad the mentat has praised you too much — it’s gone to your head. Now, go lie down and breathe deeply. Soon you will sleep, and dream you’re Jonathan Swift.
When you wake up, the dishes will need washing, and the rubbish taken out.

Arklight
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Arklight

Bob: Thylacine is right. That post of yours was the first one which caused my eyes to glaze over, then I nodded off. Sorry.

Ozsceptic
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Ozsceptic

Bob Birk: It was an ‘OK’ article, but a 2000 word essay spread over 80 lines, containing 25 paragraphs as a post here, MAY be considered by some a trifle excessive.
Referring to the Editor-in Chief’s work as ‘drunken ramblings’ MAY also be considered by some as a little bit rude.
Only trying to be helpful. This link may be useful.
How to Write a Summary of a Text: utminers.utep.edu/omwilliamson/engl0310/summaryhints.htm
Sincerely – Oz

Jason
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Jason
Lavrov continues to insist on the ‘political process’ as the ‘solution’ to the war: http://en.ria.ru/world/20140928/193376111/Lavrov-Syria-Needs-Involvement-in-Fight-Against-IS-Terrorism.html Lavrov cannot be unaware that there is a political system in Syria which is running effectively and which contains no outside interference, there were recently presidential and before that parliamentary elections. So what is Lavrov talking about when he says that Syria needs a ‘political process’ and a ‘political solution’? It is also noteworthy that by taking such a position, Lavrov indirectly does not recognize the current political system in Syria as legitimate, which is in line with the true but hushed up Russian position… Read more »
Ozsceptic
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Ozsceptic
Jason, as you should know, I am often as ‘skeptical’ as you about Russia’s apparent lack of action over Syria/Iraq. However, ‘The Saker’ argues: “On the issue of the USA vs ISIL, several comments have accused Putin of back-stabbing Assad because Russia supported the US Resolution at the UNSC. So what was Putin supposed to do? Fly the Russian Air Force to Syria to protect the Syrian border?! What about Assad? Did he scramble his own air force to try to stop the US or has he quietly made a deal: ‘bomb “them” not us and I shall protest and… Read more »
Jason
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Jason
I’m not saying Russia has to send fighter jets to Syria or engage in in military action in Syria, what people don’t realize is that this is quite impossible since Russia does not have any staging ground to be able to enter the region militarily. Tartus is not even a military facility, if you don’t believe me you can refer to the comments of Russian officials themselves on this matter. In any case Tartus could not function as a strategic military asset even if it were a full fledged naval base because it is surrounded on all sides by more… Read more »
Jason
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Jason
People should know that the ‘political solution’ is what the international powers are desperately after as it is this which will break the resistance of the Syrian people and army by allowing foreign agents a free pass to seat themselves in the state machinery under the banner of ‘national unity’ or ‘moderate opposition’ and ‘being against all forms of violence’ etc. This ‘political solution’ also involves the acceptance on the part of everyone that the central authority will be weakened and that regions will be established in the country according to ethnicity and sect, all in line with the greater… Read more »
Jason
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Jason
The ‘political solution’ in the words of Robert Ford: Q: Is there a danger to trying to simultaneously weaken Syrian dictator Bashar Assad while we’re going after ISIS? We’d like to see him weakened, since we want new negotiations for a new government, and it’s Assad who has refused to bargain. So weakening him would be a better strategy. Q: Where does this end? It only ends with a new government in Syria, a unity government that can rally most Syrians, a large majority, against ISIS. This is proof positive that the ‘ISIL’ phenomenon is being used as a rallying… Read more »
Anonymous
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Anonymous
Excellent Article written by Sharmine Narwani This US-engineered Coalition is in for some surprises. With few common goals, it has thrust itself into battle against the most determined players in the region and beyond. The airwaves are still heaving with spin two days after US airstrikes against Syria. Undoubtedly the attacks were timed to occur on the eve of the annual gathering of world leaders at the United Nations, so ‘Coalition’ partners could cluster behind the decision to bomb a sovereign state, uninvited. The irony, of course, is that they are doing so at the UN – the global political… Read more »
Alex
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Alex

Excellent article. I liked the term “Obama’s Coalition-of-the-Clueless.”

Ozsceptic
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Ozsceptic
Terror conspirators named and shamed at the UN! …But the guest speaker is ‘censored.’ At the UN this weekend, Argentina’s President, Cristina Fernández de Kirchner, began her address: “We are gathered here today to issue an international resolution on the criminalization of Daash and fight and Daash is supported by countries known to you. You know it is an ally of the major countries who are members of this UN Security Council! …. at this point, she was cut off the media! CNN went to a commercial break and the rest were returned to ‘normal service’ tht were resumed as… Read more »
Ozsceptic
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Ozsceptic
The relentless spread of capitalist chaos in the name of democracy and ‘Love and Peace’ (Reuters) – Thousands of pro-democracy demonstrators surrounding Hong Kong government headquarters braced for a showdown with police on Sunday after accelerating a plan to shut down the heart of the global financial hub. Leaders and supporters of the ‘Occupy Central with Love and Peace’ movement [much nicer than another boring ‘colour revolution – Oz] many wearing plastic capes and goggles to fend off any police pepper spray attack, urged the public to join the protest to pressure Beijing to allow free elections in the former… Read more »
Anonymous
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Anonymous

Oz: ‘democratic tycoon’ is not, necessarily, an oxymoron. I refer you to Ayn Rand’s “Capitalism: the unknown ethic”. Alan Greenspan contributes some interesting notes to the work, notes produced before his conversion to a wholly owned bankster. How interesting that Red China and ‘The Beacon of Democracy’ both view valid protest as a threat. Hmmmm.

the Thylacine
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the Thylacine

Pepe Escobar, writer for Asia Times Online, put a photo on his Facebook. The caption,
Pepe Escobar, 22 September at 22:29
“Hong Kong. His T-shirt reads “Real Free Elections”. Not going to happen. HK will be ruled by a Chinese-vetted CEO until at least 2047. That’s Deng’s original plan and it’s not going to change. Is this a color revolution? No. But the usual suspects are trying their best to infiltrate it to “destabilize” China.”

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[…] Ziad Fadel […]

Queen o bama
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Now the US is in ,getting them out promises to be a hell of a task I don’t buy the line they are helping or even coordinating above base level with Damascus in the fight against ISIS. More like wishful thinking ,At some point they will move against the Syrian Government under ant pretext they choose, being exceptional rules no longer apply in their case ,

Bananarama
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Bananarama

Thank you Queen o bama you ruined my week 🙂

Anonymous
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Anonymous

Queen: Uncle Sh*theel is doing 90 miles an hour down a dead end street. When he hits the wall it will be both spectacular and very messy. There doesn’t seem to be a ‘workable’ plan, just the attempt to rehash shopworn gimmicks that aren’t working any more. Not quite rational reactions to challenges not encountered in previous armed robberies, so you can probably expect greater evidence of desperation as the wall looms, the brakes are out, and the throttle is stuck. Should be interesting.

Adieu vieille Europe "he whispered a fond adieu"
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Adieu vieille Europe "he whispered a fond adieu"
Russian FM Lavrov launches attack on West at United Nations Russia has launched a strong attack on the West at the United Nations. The Foreign Minister Sergei Lavrov singled out American military intervention, notably in Syria – where the US has been co-ordinating airstrikes without co-operating with Damascus. “The fight against terrorism should be based on the stable soil of international law. The attempts to act against the charter of this, our organisation, can’t help our joint efforts. The fight against terrorism in Syria should be built in co-operation with the Syrian government which has made its readiness for this… Read more »
Anonymous
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Anonymous

Adieu: The very phrase, ‘end of history’ would be comical if it weren’t so pathetic. Geez!

The Worst of Eric Holder | SUPERcuts! #104
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The Worst of Eric Holder | SUPERcuts! #104

Published on Sep 26, 2014
Eric Holder’s tenure as Attorney General was fraught with controversy, race-baiting and snapping at Congress. Or, as President Obama put it, “a superb job.”

DanDiLion
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DanDiLion

Al-Dukhaniyyya liberated!!!

twilight zone Ebola Martyrs
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twilight zone Ebola Martyrs
According to Dr. Racaniello’s analysis of this particular Ebola virus strain he plainly states: “It is instructive, however, to see what viruses have done in the past, and use that information to guide our thinking. Therefore we can ask: has any human virus ever changed its mode of transmission? The answer is no. We have been studying viruses for over 100 years, and we’ve never seen a human virus change the way it is transmitted.” Even in the case of scientists manipulating the Ebola virus to be airborne Dr. Racaniello notes: “The message is clear: gain of function (airborne transmission)… Read more »
the Thylacine
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the Thylacine
Twilight, NOTE: ‘Sorcha Faal’ is allegedly the pseudonym of a CIA disinfo agent, David Booth, and his/her writings should be treated with extreme suspicion. I do have my own knowledge from another time, that Russian bio-labs synthesized ebola with bubonic plague, SARS with anthrax and so on, before the fall of the Soviets. Their scientists were induced to migrate to America. However I fail to find any cogent evidence ebola is being deliberately mutated or spread — the usual hysteria that such outbreaks cause, explains the Sierra Leone government’s repression. Note that the fall of Libya and the disturbances caused… Read more »
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