Abu Bakr Al-Baghdaadi, seen here in his natural turban, is now the new Caliph of Kaka. Hosannah in the Highest!
Just when you thought the Age of Reason was going to make a comeback, the American-controlled Islamic State of Iraq and Syria (ISIS) has formally declared the establishment of a Caliphate in areas it thinks it controls in both countries. As a warm-up to the ascension of Abu Bakr Al-Baghdaadi to the throne, ISIS commanders in Mosul have issued a new “fatwa” forcing women to cough up $30,000.00 (I kid you not) if they want to avoid having sex with the smelly, rotten, slimy, stinking, hogs who make up the American-supported Al-Qaeda off-shoot called ISIS. And, even more menacing, their families will have to pay 180,000 Iraqi Dinars if they choose not to announce their fealty to the great new child molesting Caliph of Kaka, Abu Bakr Al-Baghdaadi.
If you are like Ziad, you are probably guffawing now, almost regurgitating the eggs and sausage you downed before opening up your P.C. to this site. BUT NOW, IT GETS ACTUALLY BETTER!!
First of all, we cannot forget that the rodents in Al-Raqqa, the only major city in Syria under the exclusive control of ISIS, have emerged to the Sounds of Silence to announce their approval after hearing the announcement of the new Caliphate of Squat. Reports coming in indicate a few convoys of stolen vehicles blaring their horns to the scene of empty balconies and verandas testifying to the great popularity of the GREAT PEDOPHILE OF MOSUL.
Now try to hold down your breakfasts: IRAN HAS ANNOUNCED THAT IT HAS COME TO AN AGREEMENT WITH QATAR (of all countries) TO COOPERATE IN THE WAR AGAINST TERRORISM! Now, I told you that you should brace yourself and have a airline sickness bag next to you. Or maybe, you’d better stay close to the old Water Closet, just in case your body does more than reject the contents in your stomach. What are the Iranians doing?….. for Pete’s sake?
BUT IT GETS EVEN MORE HILARIOUS:
American agents, Nabil Al-Arabi, the capo di tutti capi of the Arab League, and Iyaad Maydaani, who heads the Organization of Islamic Cooperation, have called on all parties in Syria to lay down their arms during the Holy Month of Ramadhaan. (Please, stop salivating, foaming at the mouth or barfing.) That’s right, friends, they want to give their favorite American-supported rodents a one month lease on life so they can get some nourishment to fight on.
SYRIAN PERSPECTIVE PROMISES ALL ITS READERS THAT THE SYRIAN ARMY WILL NOT FALL FOR THIS RUSE AND SHALL CONTINUE ITS HOLY WAR TO ERADICATE THE FILTH, MICROBES AND SEWER DENIZENS TRAINED, PAID FOR AND SUPPORTED BY THAT CHICAGO GUTTER RAT, OBAMA. HOORAY FOR HYPOCRISY!
BUT NOW, THE ULTIMATE: THE MERCURY NEWS SERVICE (“Don’t let the facts get in the way of a good story”), has announced that former U.S. president, William Blythe (a/k/a Bill Clinton) has been appointed by Abu Bakr Al-Baghdaadi to the post of Minister of Monkey Business. We look forward to hard work by the new appointee and send our congratulations to both him and his lovely wife, Hillary.
Minister of Monkey Business Designate, William Clinton, sizes up Liz Hurley (n/k/a Khadeeja Abu-Hummus) for hard work in promoting the agenda of ISIS. Sorry, Hugh. Stick with the goons in Los Angeles. (Photo: World Tribune)