SECOND POST – OCTOBER 26, 2013 – "HEAVEN CAN’T WAIT"; SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT FROM THE SYRIAN MINISTRY OF DEFENSE AND SYRIAN GENERAL STAFF

THIS IS AN UNPAID ANNOUNCEMENT FROM THE SYRIAN MINISTRY OF DEFENSE, SYRIAN MINISTRY OF TOURISM AND THE SYRIAN ARMY GENERAL STAFF.

SYRIAN MILITARY AND OFFICE OF TOURISM OFFERING TERRORISTS A NEW KIND OF ADVENTURE TO PARADISE:  HEAVEN CAN’T WAIT!!

So many young men from the Islamic World are coming to Syria in order to reserve a place in Paradise.  They go to great lengths to accomplish their goals: they undergo boring training in south Turkey, Aqaba, Jordan, Saudi Arabia and desolate parts of Iraq; they snipe at innocent civilians in an effort to attract “the shot” that will catapult them into Heaven itself; they drive bomb-rigged trucks that detonate sometimes in crowded civilian areas; they attack Syrian army checkpoints in a futile effort to dislodge professional soldiers.  And all this to enter Heaven!  What a pain!

The government of Syria is proud to announce a new program which will do away with the traditional “Jihad” practiced by so many impressionable young men.  Now, for the first time in modern Syrian history, the Syrian army and Ministry of Tourism are facilitating a new concept of Jihad; a quick and painless way to enter Eden with no muss or fuss; no splattered entrails or mismatched heads on cadavers.  Yes, that’s right, a guaranteed entry into the afterlife without any more drudgery.  Only the Syrian Army and security services are authorized to make this offer.

Tired of empty promises?  Does your local cleric, witch doctor, shaykh, imam or daa’iya keep mumbling the same mumbo-jumbo?  “Go and make war and die in a Jihad!  For Allah loves senseless slaughter!”  How can you trust shaman’s like that?  Just call 011-086-115-768 and you will be in touch with the Syrian Department of Metaphysical Travel in Damascus.  You and a loved one, a friend, a cohort, a catamite, a confidant or anyone planning to make the ultimate trip with you can now reserve a place in Heaven.  Just make that call and have your credit card ready.  A friendly male operator will be there to answer all your questions and give you the instructions you need to enter the Land of the Rivers where the water tastes of Nectar; where 72 Virginians await you.  This is the chance of a lifetime.

This is the angel Layla waiting for all our Saudi and Qatari perverts.  Here, in Paradise, no vice cops are around.  You don’t have to bear your burden with such agony.  It’s okay up there.  You’re okay up there! The Syrian government assures you that no “mutaawa’ah” will interrupt your concupiscent, licentious forays into a world about which you could only dream.                

IT IS LITERALLY “THE TRIP OF A LIFETIME”!  WHY WAIT? HEAVEN CAN’T!

Just make that call and you will be directed to travel to one of these border crossings:  (Lebanon): Masna’ or Al-‘Abbaasiyya.  Please do not try to cross at ‘Arsaal or Wadi Khaled because although our border police and SAA sharpshooters are very good, we cannot honor any warranties that your voyage will be completed.  (Jordan): Al-Ramtha, (Turkey) no good entry points, (Iraq): not recommended.  Customers will be informed as to any changes in the status of countries like Turkey or Iraq.

Just present yourself at a legal entry point and show the friendly border police your chit which will be issued to you once the credit card payment has been cleared.  That magical chit is your passport to an eternity in the New World.  I’ll bet you can’t wait to try our new program!

The Syrian Army is now prepared to receive you at any of the above-mentioned checkpoints.  No visas or other bothersome procedures required.  Just say the magic words:  “I want to go to a Jihadi’s Paradise”.  At that point in time, without any embarrassing paperwork or questioning, one of our trained professionals will send you straight to your destination.  It only takes a moment for an eternity of Bliss!  How can you go wrong?

Just one of our hundreds of trained experts shows the way to Paradise.  Captain ‘Abbood Nakeer sends you off to a veritable Eden of Wonder only for the price of a trip to Lebanon and $1.75 for our specially manufactured dum-dum bullet.

Come one, come all!  We don’t discriminate.  Filipinos, Ugandans, Kazakhs and Saudis are one in Islam; just like the pilgrimage!  We guarantee you fair and impartial treatment, just like Allah.  And when you fly off to that Never Never Land, you will know that all other fellow Jihadis are following you without regard to race, creed, color, gender or level of ignorance.  Equal in the eyes of Allah. لا فضل لعربي على اعجمي الا بالحماقة  Heh, heh.

Now you might wonder what will happen to your body after your soul departs on its Fantastic Voyage to the unknown Wonderland of Heaven.  Not to worry.  Our President, Dr. Bashar Al-Assad, a trained opthamologist surgeon, has initiated a new program to educate thousands of Syrian physicians in anatomy.  Your carcass will never go to waste.  And we promise you will never be given to cannibals.

BUT IF YOU CALL BETWEEN OCTOBER 28, 2013 AND NOVEMBER 10, 2013, YOU WILL HAVE YOUR TRIP TO HEAVEN ABSOLUTELY FREE!  THAT’S RIGHT, SYRIA WILL PAY THE PRICE OF THE BULLET.  (This will not apply, however, to charter groups requiring thermobaric bombs)

FREE!  FREE!  FOR YOU AND YOUR COMPANION.  Bring your children if you must.  All children under the age of 18 will be wards of the Syrian government and shall be educated in a Ba’ath Party Camp so they can become “Shabeebas”.  What an incredible offer.  CALL NOW WHILE BULLETS AND ORDNANCE ARE AVAILABLE.

TESTIMONIALS: Unfortunately, due to the rather unusual nature of the trip, it has been impossible to reach many of our blessed travelers.  We can only provide you with testimonials obtained during seances and the like:

“He (‘Abu Saffaah) said he was very pleased and felt right at home.  He said it was very warm. We assumed that meant that Heaven was tropical.  He wanted all his relatives to join him.  There did not seem to be much enthusiasm for that, unfortunately.”  Madam Zora Kleinstork, ESP expert and seance programmer.

A TRIP OF A LIFETIME.  A ONCE IN A LIFETIME TRIP.  LITERALLY.  COME NOW AND DO IT.  AVOID THE MESSY SCENES SO ATTENDANT TO SUICIDE BOMBINGS AND ATTACKS ON CHECKPOINTS.

Disclaimer:  The Syrian Government, Ministry of Defense, Ministry of Tourism and all branches of the Syrian government expressly deny any liability for any mishap as a consequence of this program.  The Syrian government furthermore specifically clothes itself in governmental immunity for all lapses, errors, mistakes and every form of snafu that is associated with the act of travel to another dimension of existence. Moreover, the Syrian government does not warranty that the trip will get the traveler to any particular place.  The traveler must be warned that many believe that our guests will be voyaging to someplace utterly distinct from Paradise.  The Syrian government accepts no responsibility for such a miscalculation.  

WELCOME TO PARADISE YOU BLITHERING IDIOTS!

            

   


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Anonymous
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Anonymous

Oh it’s paradise alright. Don’t forgot these satanic fuckers enjoy it up the ass.

Ziad Fadel
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Try not to be so emphatic. Ziad

Anonymous
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Anonymous

Michelle Obama’s Princeton classmate is executive at company that built Obamacare website

Read more at
http://conservativebyte.com/2013/10/michelle-obamas-princeton-classmate-executive-company-built-obamacare-website/#zORYcftsDPA7IXw2.99

Ziad Fadel
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I hope you are not suggesting that Mr. Obama is, in fact, the Antichrist. Ziad

Anonymous
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Well, for that prophesy to be fulfilled someone would have to poke him in his right eye. As for skin color, there is no specific description, half white half black would suit very well.

Anonymous
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Anonymous

Hi Ziad : According to last one information the rebels captured the city of Tafas and its base: is it true?

Anonymous
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Anonymous

Concerning the forum which I indicated you, it is administered by Algerian and Tunisians not at all Syrian anti, but it is opened where from agents’ presence takfiris as Difaaa: you owe counter him.

Ziad Fadel
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The information you have is preposterous. It’s the rats who are running for the hills in Tafass. Guaranteed. Ziad

Anonymous
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Anonymous

Mhoewhahaha! Great post, Ziad. Thanks!

Regards,
DfB

Ziad Fadel
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Always a pleasure. Ziad

Anonymous
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Anonymous

Hilarious, this post made my evening!
Thanks very much for your dedicated work!

-a german

Ziad Fadel
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Bitte schoon, meiner Kollege. Immer schreiben zu SyrPer. Ziad

Anonymous
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Anonymous

72 virgin mermaids await… Only problem is mermaids don’t have vaginas.

Ziad Fadel
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Actually, its Virginians, if you read the post carefully. Any candidate may have to deal with George Washington. Ziad

Anonymous
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Anonymous

MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Bravo, Ziad, you made my evening. I was laughing really hard reading the post.
Victory to the SAA and the Syrian People!

Ziad Fadel
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We shall laugh together over the graves of rats. Ziad

Varangian
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Varangian

Ziad, brilliant. Is this also in Arabic and plastered all over the telephone poles, the ones still remaining on the border between Turkey and Syria?

Do the thousands of stupid bastards already killed in Syria get a grandfather clause to their contract for this special Jihadi offer?

Ziad Fadel
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Sorry. No way. No retroactive benefits according to the MoD. Ziad

Anonymous
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Anonymous
That was absolutely masterful, thanks! Gordon Duff comes up with an eye-opener! “Bandar Bush’s recent intractable position has exposed several realities that have made many in Washington uncomfortable: – Saudi Arabia and Israel have, for decades, worked together closely, not just on security programs but operationally as well, as is now seen in Syria. – Al-Qaeda’s long friendship with Israel is now exposed, bringing questions about 9/11 into the mainstream for many “denialists.” – Strong talk, befriending terrorists and hundreds of billions in military hardware are not likely to impact Saudi internal instability. – Recent moves by the UAE to… Read more »
Ziad Fadel
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That Alqaeda is a Zionist creation bothers me no more than the proposition that Hamas was created by them. As time goes on, investigators will unearth new evidence. It is Zionism’s purpose to destroy the Christian Empire of America. Ziad

Anonymous
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Anonymous

Hi again, Kevin Barrett wrote a great article;

“The Israelis, like the Saudis, are making money from religious pilgrims while mistreating their country’s religious heritage. Like the Saudis, they are scandalously irresponsible custodians of holy sites.

If the Israelis and Saudis merged into one country, just think how much fun they could have together bulldozing Christian and Islamic history, religion and culture!”

http://www.presstv.ir/detail/2013/10/25/331160/will-israel-merge-with-saudi-arabia/

George

Ziad Fadel
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They are doing it now as you write. In Arabia, the feckless apes have destroyed whole areas of ‘Aseer on the coast in order to eradicate all evidence that much of the Old Testament’s first four books took place there. It appears the Arabian orangutans don’t want their Zionist allies to move to Tihama. Ziad

jo6pac
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Thanks for the LOL

Ziad Fadel
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Pleasure, as always. Ziad

Anonymous
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Anonymous

So this is essentially like a supermarket express line? 2 martyrs or less get in and out like a fiddler’s elbow.

Masterful. Regards,
Dudley

Ziad Fadel
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Oh, they can go in large charter groups as long as they accept terms of travel. Our thermobaric bombs aren’t cheap. Ziad

Jimbo
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Jimbo

Just for this our wonderful friend in Germany has found some videos of The new A- team going in to save the rebels. But……………….

http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=3ea_1382748836

http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=2eb_1382744704

http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=8ab_1382822216

as usual they are sent to join their demonic buddies.

Ziad Fadel
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We’ve shown these before. But, they are so good, I’m showcasing them again. Thanks, Ziad

Anonymous
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Anonymous

Hilarious!

Ziad Fadel
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Thank you. Ziad

Anonymous
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Anonymous

Great! I did not think that you would ever exceed Kaptain Captagon humor, this one is the best. I would love to hear you argue a case in court. Keep up the great work Ziad and thank you. I hope I get the honor of shaking your hand someday.

Ziad Fadel
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You are welcome to my office or home any time. I’m easy to look up. Your colleague and friend, Ziad

Anonymous
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Ziad I am reading some terrible rumours that Tafas has fallen to the rats. How did the SAA let this happen?? I hope for a swift re-taking of the town by the SAA.

Ziad Fadel
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Did not happen. Check today’s post. Ziad

Anonymous
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Anonymous

Massive deRATization operation all over, RATs being eradicated by SAA storm-troopers

http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=3bf_1382833498

Anonymous
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WOW – I like this word:
deRATization

Ziad, can you please use this word in your coming articles?

deRATization -hehehehe

Thanks my friend.

Ali aus Deutschland

Ziad Fadel
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I had all that in yesterday’s post. DeRatization is good. Rodenticide, also. Delouse. It’s all encouraging. For Ali aus Deutschland, I will use it. Thanks, Ziad

Anonymous
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Anonymous

Hallo,
quote:
..In Daraa province in the south of the country, rebels captured the town of Tafas after weeks of fighting that left scores of people dead, the Britain-based Syrian Observatory for Human Rights said. Syrian state media did not report on the battle…

So called news found copied one after the other
nearly 100 times from the same source, namely
nobody else than the clown in charge for
ZOG-sponsored war-propaganda against Syria and its people.
From
The Fake Syrian Observatory for Human Rights,
run solely by Rami Abdulrahman, alias Osama Ali Suleiman.

http://mn37f51mvh00alp9.zippykid.netdna-cdn.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/syrian-observatory-for-human-rights.jpg

Ziad Fadel
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My friend, please spare yourself the self-mockery of reading anything from SOHR which is a propaganda machine for the British Foreign Office. Abdul-Rahman is on SyrPer’s short list for LIAR OF THE YEAR for 2013. Ziad

Anonymous
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Really liking this video….The Abu al Fadl al Abbas Brigade is taunting the FSA in Syria (with english subs) :
http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=883_1382756842

Look how relaxed (smoking sigarettes, drinking tea) and in control those troopers are….:)

Kind regards, Dutchie

Ziad Fadel
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Dear Dutchie, these rubes are either Iraqi or from the far east of the country. It is amazing how uneducated these cockroaches are. Enjoyed the tape and the somewhat blase style. It is very likely these yokels are dead. Ziad

Frank Reitzenstein
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As fantastic and important as Syria’s victory is, Karen Hudes is still mind blowing. Of course she is not alone. Nor are we.

Ziad Fadel
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I just watched a part of it this Sunday morning as I am preparing a first post. I will view in total during lunch. Thanks, Ziad

Anonymous
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Anonymous

Foreign governments like Germany are trying to repatriate their gold reserves from the US. The US will not allow any inspection or independent inventory of the gold it holds. That gang comprising the Federal Reserve even refused official requests from the German government to have an audit. Could it be there isn’t much left?

Anonymous
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This Frank Reitzenstein character is suspect.
He was pushing Benjamin Fulford the other day and today it’s Karen Hudes.
Neither implicate Zio-Ogres as the root cause of the world’s problems.
Instead they deflect and disinform.
Keep that in mind when watching the video Ziad.

Frank Reitzenstein
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Wiki Rothschild In 1816, four of the brothers were each elevated to the hereditary nobility by Austrian Emperor Francis I; moreover, a fifth brother, Nathan, was elevated in 1818. All of them were granted the Austrian title of baron or Freiherr on 29 September 1822. As such, some members of the family used “de” or “von” Rothschild to acknowledge the grant of nobility. Barons (Knights) who received their title from the Holy Roman Emperor are known as Barons of the Holy Roman Empire, Reichsfreiherr, although the title is sometimes shortened to Freiherr. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rothschild_family That interviewer of Karen Hides is dreadful.… Read more »
Anonymous
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Hail to the brotherhood of Zio-Wahaby rats

Ziad Fadel
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Really embarrassing what an American president with no talent has to do. Ziad

Anonymous
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Anonymous

Press TV are reporting the loss of Tafas, maybe based on suicide rushing and overwhelming by weight of numbers. It will be interesting to see whether this is true or not. It’ll be clear enough in the coming days.

Ziad Fadel
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I hate to tell you, but the only media saying this are Zionist ones. My information is just the opposite. Ziad

Anonymous
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Anonymous

Ziad, recent developments have shown that the Syrian Military and Iranian Military are WEAK in terms of border control, defense and security. Needs urgent improvements.

Ziad Fadel
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My friend, they are anything but weak. The problem is porosity. Insurgents always have ways around the most commonly used entrance routes. It’s that way in Afghanistan, where U.S. troops have zero ability to control border infiltration. Try to be fair. The SAA is brilliant when it comes to security. Ziad

UNF
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The condom is brilliant when it comes to pregnancy avoidance, if you bother to unpack it.

The SAA’s Ghost Divisions, 100,000 elite specialists in border security, are, per Ziad, still wrapped in their foil [barracks] and any problems with porosity can only be discovered by actual use in some hallucinatory flashback to 1973.

Meanwhile, their job is sub-contracted to the new Mongols, Al Qaeda, for years at a time.

Some [Zawahiri?] call this a brilliant security strategy, others, a fit of sociocidal lunacy.

However, grinding Syria into dust is the only fair way to decide the issue.

sam j. haim
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sam j. haim
Hello Mr. Ziad, Greetings to u. Syrian Weapon facilities Under Rebel Control? http://ronpaulinstitute.org/archives/peace-and-prosperity/2013/october/23/syrian-chemical-weapons-facilities-under-rebel-control.aspx Syrian Kurds Fighting on Iraq Border:http://www.presstv.ir/detail/2013/10/26/331342/syria-kurds-capture-crossing-from-rebels/ Behind The Saudi Crack-Uphttp://rt.com/op-edge/russia-saudi-sultan-putin-755/ Bandar furious and fuming at US for not backing war on Syria http://www.presstv.ir/detail/2013/10/25/331167/bandar-fuming-at-us-inaction-on-syria/ Ziad, look at the picture in the above link of the Syrian soldiers. It is the only picture I have seen where all the soldiers are smiling and WEARING THE GODDAMN HELMETS! Tell Monzer that the sniper who shot the leader of Al Nusra should be promoted to General in the Syrian Army. Post the picture of this sniper once he gets promoted. Ziad,… Read more »
Ziad Fadel
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I loved the articles. I’ll submit your recommendation concerning the sniper. Your vision of a vacation spot is spot on. Ziad

Anonymous
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Anonymous

Another Aussie –
Bravo mon ami. Tre tre comique superbe.
Abietot.
Another Aussie

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