SECOND POST – OCTOBER 14, 2013 – MNS EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW WITH ABU MUHAMMAD AL-JAWLAANI, CHIEF OF JABHAT AL-NUSRA IN SYRIA

MERCURY NEWS SERVICE IS PROUD,  ONCE AGAIN, TO LEAD THE WAY IN THE DELIVERY OF NEWS TO ITS READERS.  HERE, WE HAVE SUCCEEDED IN FINDING ABU MUHAMMAD AL-JAWLAANI, CHIEF OF JABHAT AL-NUSRA IN SYRIA.  BRUNHILDE LIEBESBOMBE, ACCOMPANIED BY A FULL CREW AND OGDEN ORFFE, OUR PRIZEWINNING PHOTO-JOURNALIST, CONDUCTED THE INTERVIEW IN ENGLISH WITH THE NOTORIOUS TERRORIST LEADER.

(Editor’s note:  The meeting took place in Amman, Jordan in Jabal Hussayn in Al-Jawlaani’s HQ.  He was incognito, masquerading as deceased Libyan leader, Mu’ammar Al-Qaddaafi,  to conceal his true appearance)

Abu Muhammad Al-Jawlaani seen in this photo taken by Ogden Orffe in Amman, Jordan.  He says his hairdresser is Simone Abu-Shleeta.

MNS:  Thank you, so much, Mr. Al-Jawlaani for sitting with us for this interview.  It was so hard to find you.

AL-JAWLAANI:  I am always wearing a disguise.  In Syria, my own men don’t know me one day to the next.  I have my own hairdresser and cosmetician accompanying me on operations.  They are trained assassins too.  I just have to keep them apart (if you know what I mean). Yesterday, I was Mr. Rogers.  You can’t take chances these days.

MNS:  The name you use here is a nom de guerre. What is your real name?

AL-JAWLAANI:  Hey, watch the French. Okay?  It’s a fag language and I don’t know it.  My real name is   
Ta`abbata Sharran.  My mother used to call me “Ta`abatta” for short. It has something to do with armpits.

MNS:  You are trying to oust the president of Syria.  How will you do that?

AL-JAWLAANI:  Did Assad send you to ask that stupid question?  I can’t tell how I’m going to do that.  In fact, I don’t have any idea myself.  An opportunity will arise.

MNS:  There is talk about unifying the ranks of the opposition.  What is your take on it?

AL-JAWLAANI:  She loves me; she loves me not.  What the hey!  Look.  Yesterday, Abu This said he was declaring his loyalty to me.  Then, Abu That, threatened to kill Abu This because I was not radical enough.  Then, the “Brigades of Allah’s Hyenas” fought the “Battalions of the Martyrs of the Spirits of All Conquering Neanderthals of North Africa” which then avenged itself by massacring every member of the “Fighting Regiments of the Meccan Cub Scouts”, and then, the “Platoons of Allah’s Ultramaroons of the Damascus Plain” announced it was breaking off from the “Monotheistic A-Team of Baluchistan”.  I mean, it goes on and on.  Anyways, I don’t care anymore.

MNS: And the FSA led by General Saleem Idrees?

AL-JAWLAANI:  Idrees can’t get his wife to iron his shirt.  He’s a loser.  He used to teach Personal Hygiene 101 at the Aleppo Military Academy.  Nobody listens to him.  We’re gonna assassinate him just for fun.

MNS:  Oh, my God!  Why would you want to kill someone who seems so ineffectual?

AL-JAWLAANI:  We have to appear active.  It’ll really upset the Americans.  I love to do that.  They’re always tsk-tsk-tsking everything while killing everybody.  Islam despises the hypocrite, as you know.

MNS:  There is a lot of talk about the big offensive in Southern Syria.  Do you have anything to say about it?

AL-JAWLAANI:  Well.  It started.  I mean the rotten Assad army is attacking us.

MNS:  No! I mean, your offensive.

AL-JAWLAANI:  What do you mean I’m offensive?!!

MNS:  Oh, never mind.  What I am trying to get at is why your organization is fighting in Syria while you live here in this very posh neighborhood in Amman?

AL-JAWLAANI:  What good would I be to my men if I got killed in Syria?  In any case we’re being evicted by the landlord for non-payment of rent.  I was told I could appeal.  But, I’m not appealing. 

    

In this scene, Abu Muhammad Al-Jawlaani’s fighters take a break from villainy and play in the local Jordanian Army Marching Band.  The Jordanians trained them to play the bagpipes.

MNS:  You’re not appealing.

AL-JAWLAANI:  What do you mean?  Now, I’m not appealing?  What’s it with you?

MNS:  I meant nothing by that…………In any case, isn’t Prince Bandar Bin Sultan paying your rent?

AL-JAWLAANI:  He’s cheap.  He’s a stingy rotten little Ayraab. I was supposed to get a penthouse in Manhattan.  When I mentioned that to him for the 50th time, I remember he said: “Oh, I meant a hen house for Bin Laden.”  What a goofball!

MNS:  Do you mind if I ask how it is you speak English like an American?  Even Ogden, our photographer says you have an accent from the New York City area.

AL-JAWLAANI:  I’m from Brooklyn.  From Bay Ridge.  My real name is Baruch Schweinsteiger.  I’m a reformed haredi. Do you mind if I go the john and take care of some business?

MNS:  No, not at all.  (At this point Mr. Jawlaani left for about 20 minutes and returned in a new disguise)

  

AL-JAWLAANI:  Well. What do you think?

MNS:  My God.  You look like a jude.  I mean a Jew.

AL-JAWLAANI:  You’re German ain’t ya?

MNS:  Austrian. I’m Austrian.

AL-JAWLAANI:  Uhuh.  I’ll bet you’d like to stuff me in some oven and take care of unfinished business, wouldn’t ya?

MNS:  I despise the Nazis.

AL-JAWLAANI:  Nicht schuldig, eh?

MNS:  You are upsetting me.  I’m here to discuss the war in Syria, not WWII.  Who do you work for anyways?

AL-JAWLAANI:  That’s for me to know.  Would you like to have a nice mikva bath? I’ve got some used bathwater upstairs.  Heh, heh.

MNS:  You are not Abu Muhammad Al-Jawlaani.  You are an impostor!

AL-JAWLAANI:  Hey, don’t go mean on me.  I like little zaftig schiksas like you.  Ever been with a Jew who wasn’t circumcized?

Brunhilde, shocked by his flirtations, stood up and stampeded out of the room at this point. The interview ended.  Ogden Orffe is still held for ransom by Jabhat Al-Nusra.  He will be freed when Brunhilde agrees to marry Mr. Al-Jawlaani and become a Jihad-Sex-Object.  “Zum Teufel mit Ogden”, responded Brunhilde to the odd proposition.   

  

    

  

  

newest oldest most voted
Notify of
Maria
Guest
Level 0 - Anonymous
Maria
Offline

Haha! Thanks for the laugh. 😀

extra lol at the fury jew soldier. 😀

Anonymous
Guest
Level 0 - Anonymous
Anonymous
Offline

Hello Ziad
Just read posts 1 and 2, 14th October. Wanted to say I very much appreciate the total style, content and humour. Great stuff bro on every level. I do think the hard work should be acknowledged and could not resist expressing my admiration and gratitude … for the info, for the laffs, the insights and analyses etc. Fantastic bro ..!!! Keepo on truckin Zee. Amir

sam j. haim
Guest
Level 0 - Anonymous
sam j. haim
Offline

Hello Mr. Ziad,Greetings to u. TYVM for all your replys to my posts and everyone else’s. AL-JAWLAANI: She loves me; she loves me not. What the hey! Look. Yesterday, Abu This said he was declaring his loyalty to me. Then, Abu That, threatened to kill Abu This because I was not radical enough. “Then, the “Brigades of Allah’s Hyenas” fought the “Battalions of the Martyrs of the Spirits of All Conquering Neanderthals of North Africa” which then avenged itself by massacring every member of the “Fighting Regiments of the Meccan Cub Scouts”, and then, the “Platoons of Allah’s Ultramaroons of… Read more »

Anonymous
Guest
Level 0 - Anonymous
Anonymous
Offline

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

Anonymous
Guest
Level 0 - Anonymous
Anonymous
Offline

Kuff, kuff shame, shame on you. Gaddafi was murdered in cold blood. He was a close ally of Hafez al Assad. No need to use him as a punch line.
Allah,, Muammar, Libya wa bass!!!
Ibn al Shaddai

Anonymous
Guest
Level 0 - Anonymous
Anonymous
Offline

There shall be NO nukes in Iran may it be peaceful or otherwise! Israel must be the sole superpower in the Middle East to eradicate Islam and replace it with protestantism. Our US shutdown and debt ceiling will be resolved by Obama to financially support Israel to reach its objectives. Ayatollah Khamenei’s Hajj message is full of nonsense. Better be ignored.

Anonymous
Guest
Level 0 - Anonymous
Anonymous
Offline

Tunisian Girls Come Home Pregnant after Performing ‘Sexual Jihad’ In Syria
http://english.farsnews.com/imgrep.aspx?nn=13920709001447

Richard Lefew
Guest
Level 0 - Anonymous

I don’t like the posting of the fake picture of Gaddafi. That is a fully photoshopped picture of Gaddafi. If you don’t believe me, look closely at his right hand, which purports to hold a peacock shoe. You can see the evidence of the photoshop. Obviously in the original picture, Gaddafi was holding a pen.. Why belittle Gaddafi? Don’t you know that all the horrible stories about Gaddafi are just that, stories and propaganda. Gaddafi did more for his people than anyone else in the Libyan nation’s history. People see that picture and think that Gaddafi really did dress up… Read more »

Anonymous
Guest
Level 0 - Anonymous
Anonymous
Offline

But why kaddafi could not retrain from power seeing the bloody plan of the west.He could demolish all the plan of the west and usa.

Anonymous
Guest
Level 0 - Anonymous
Anonymous
Offline

Gordon Duff again, interesting article:“As the chances of American “boots on the ground” in Syria disappear, burying the secrets that Syria has exposed is critical, but to whom? Never has a single conflict exposed so much weakness, duplicity and criminality. These things have always been there but never so plain for all to see. Chemical weapon inspectors overseeing the destruction, well underway, of Syria’s stockpiles can’t help but note clear indications that those stockpiles have not been touched for years. The silence of this revelation is “deafening.” Moreover, as it becomes increasingly obvious that Assad’s forces weren’t involved in chemical… Read more »

Anonymous
Guest
Level 0 - Anonymous
Anonymous
Offline

Israeli in America: Two NYC Rabbis arrested over orchestrating kidnappings http://voiceofrussia.com/2013_10_15/Two-NYC-Rabbis-arrested-over-orchestrating-kidnappings-1878/ “A criminal complaint alleges that the rabbis charged Jewish wives tens of thousands of dollars to orchestrate kidnappings (as much as $10,000 for a rabbinical decree permitting violence and $50,000 to hire others to carry out the deed.) Among the ultra-Orthodox, a divorce requires the husband’s permission, known as a “get”. The “kidnap team” was exposed by an undercover federal agent who posed as an Orthodox Jewish woman seeking Rabbi Epstein’s services. The complaint says Epstein told the undercover FBI agents that his organization had kidnapped a husband every… Read more »

Anonymous
Guest
Level 0 - Anonymous
Anonymous
Offline

Who will Pay the Price for Failing to Topple Assad?

http://www.almanar.com.lb/english/adetails.php?fromval=1&cid=23&frid=23&eid=115873

Michel

Anonymous
Guest
Level 0 - Anonymous
Anonymous
Offline

The birth of the ‘de-Americanized’ world by Pepe Escobar:

http://www.atimes.com/atimes/World/WOR-02-151013.html

Michel

Anonymous
Guest
Level 0 - Anonymous
Anonymous
Offline

Breaking news.. An extremist radical jihadist with brains found..
is amazing to see how at times the remaining human cells in jihadist brains kicks in ,
leaving the animal side behind and allows them in rare times to have intelligence . crazy but true.
very good interview with a former jihadist.. a must see for all the cannibal cheerleaders that visit Ziad blog.

http://youtu.be/DAKXVJ_iiPo