IN OUR FIRST YEAR, 2011, WE AWARDED THE EGON KRENZ PRIZE TO NONE OTHER THAN ROBERT FORD, THE AMERICAN AMBASSADOR TO DAMASCUS AND CHIEF AGENT PROVACATEUR FOR THE CIA IN SYRIA.
Robert Ford’s efforts to bring democracy and anti-Iranianism to Syria won the hearts of the citizens of that country. He is now scheduled to represent the U.S. in Cairo. One can only wonder what reception he will get from the adoring public there.
Ford’s unprincipled behavior defied all known diplomatic etiquette; he regularly visited opponents of the government, and, in so doing, “outed” the miscreants. His consistent exposing of these traitors earned him the title of The Pied Piper of Hama as rat after rat was cordially visited by agents of the Political Security Bureau with life-impacting results. General Ali Mamlouk called him “Syria’s most important agent and a hero of the Ba’ath Party”.
Then, in 2012, the award was given to a native German. He was the head of Bundesnachtrichtendienstes, Germany’s CIA. He is none other than Herr Gerhard Schindler whose utter mismanagement of his duties as chief spy entrusted with the task of overthrowing Dr. Assad resulted eventually in his visiting Syria in February of 2013 and meeting General Ali Mamlouk who struck a bargain with him in Damascus. Herr Schindler now believes the anti-Assad rats have no chance of winning the battle and he is eagerly exchanging information with Syria about European-based Islamist radicals. His Shpionschiff in the Mediterranean has proven to be a running gag in Syrian Military Intelligence where humorless German monitors are regularly served baloney to eat with their daily ration of beer.
Herr Schindler seen here forcing a smile after learning sailors on his spy ship mutinied after learning they had to drink a Turkish brew. Scheisse!!
And then, a Frenchman won the prize for 2013. Erard Corbin De Mangoux, former chief of the Direction Generale de la Securite Exterieur (DGSE), so amazed Syrian intelligence agents with this Clouseau-like shenanigans that he was immediately nominated for the prize. In fact, Mister De Mangoux, is the chief architect of the “Lebanon Affair” where an entire troupe of French spies arrived in Beirut Airport and drove off indiscreetly to North Lebanon in Oscar Mayer Wiener trucks to supposedly assist Syrian terrorists in overthrowing the Assad government. One can see how successful they were.
De Mangoux, like all Frenchmen, pretends he is important. Here, he is seen doodling on his wife’s cheque-book for this photo: “La plume de ma tante”…“La plume de ma tante”……
BUT NOW! THE WINNER FOR THE 2013-2014 EGON KRENZ PRIZE MUST BE AWARDED TO THE ONLY MAN WHO DEFEATED THESE RUNNER-UPS: GENERAL SALEEM IDREES, BANDAR BIN SULTAN, KING ABDULLAH THE DWARF OF JORDAN AND EVEN PRINCE FATSO OF CATARRH!
THE BOARD OF GOVERNORS OF SYRIAN PERSPECTIVE AND THE CULTURAL COMMITTEE FOR THE MERCURY NEWS SERVICE ARE PROUD TO AWARD THE EGON KRENZ/MARKUS WOLF PRIZE TO THE ONE AND ONLY:
Known as America’s poster boy for the Alzheimer’s Patients’ Association and the Dementia Praecox Alliance, McCain, ever the maverick, chooses sides by flipping coins or wishing on rose petals. His unwavering support of the terrorist rat armies in Syria has given new life to Dr. Assad’s publicity blitz in which he is contrasted with McCain’s “off the wall” style, gaining new ground in convincing the world that the enemies of Syria are not “moderate democracy advocates”, but, instead, “cannibals, savages and fanatical Salafist rats”.
McCain’s calls for increasing lethal aid to the terrorists has met with strident rejection by the American people who have actually called him “traitor”, “apostate”, “nutcase” and “weasel” in front of tv cameras. His every word spoken in defense of the Islamist killers in Syria nets the Assadists ten million more supporters. His telephone calls to General Idris in Apaydin are regularly monitored by MI with unintended comic results:
McCain: Hello. Hello. General?
Idris: Yes. Yes. Senator.
McCain: I’m calling just to tell you that I approve of your plan to attack Al-Qusayr from Lebanon again. It sounds like a real winner.
Idris: But, we need more weapons and money…..especially money. (Tee hee hee)
McCain: Well, I will never be called yellow when it comes to helping democracy-loving freedom fighters. I’ll send you my personal check for $50.00 tomorrow. Keep up the good work.
Idris: Could you put a few zeros after the $50, Senator? The freedom fighters and democracy-loving activists would really appreciate it more.
McCain: Well, I dunno. I can’t be seen financing your revolution. It would be very burdensome for me and my wife. How about that stocky guy in Arabia?
Idris: Oh, his son is not interested any more. We need to buy more weapons for the attack on Al-Qusayr so we can bring freedom and justice once again to Syria. (Tee hee hee)
McCain: Got it. Gee. I’ve got to figure something out for you. Let me think about this for a while. In the meantime, who do I make the check out to?
Idris: S-A-L-E-E-M I-D-R-E-E-S. That’ll work just fine, Senator.
McCain: I don’t think it’s a good idea to attack those Al-Qaeda folks, you know. It’s so confusing. I just heard they chopped off some of your people’s heads. Got to talk to them. You know.
Idris: Yes. It appears you have excellent relations with Al-Qaeda, Senator. Why don’t you call them and tell them what you think?
McCain: Yes. Yes. Geeze. I’ll call Dr. Zawaheri and set it straight. You want some more chemical weapons?
Idris: Sure. Why not. We’ll fire them at the U.N. inspectors. Then you can blame Assad.
McCain: Boy. That sounds like a winner too. Let’s do it. I’ll call Bandar to coordinate it. Okay?
In response to a critic who startled the Senator by suggesting he couldn’t skillfully blow out of one side of his nose, McCain was game and won the bet.
His misguided efforts to help Syria’s rat population has made him the darling of the Syrian security establishment. No man has his capacity to sour people on a particular project – so much so that the Syrian Information Ministry is studying a Russian plan to get McCain to vociferously oppose Damascus’ claim to the island of Cyprus. His talent for conjuring up absurd scenarios in which Islamist fanatics are America’s natural allies has made his name synonymous with “SNAFU”, “lame-brained”, “at sea” and “addled”. His status as former war hero, because he flew his jet plane, while drunk, over North Vietnam and then, being shot down as his ejection seat automatically deployed and inadvertently foisted him on the world, gave him some gravitas – for a while. That is, until he was exposed as a fraud, a squealer, a rat fink and popinjay. His last words to his N.V. interrogator are legend in Hanoi: “Hey, do you want to hear about my own mother?”
Nobody is more deserving of this award than this fulminating, farcical, four-flushing fabricator of fustian. He is, after all, the maverick: JOHN McCAIN.
In another immortal scene from the life of war hero and perennial pest, John McCain, he poses with two known kidnappers, rapists and decapitators whom he called “freedom-fighting activists”. Yawn.
Mr. McCain’s prize this year will be his own box of kitty litter which he can use personally in his office when his aides are away doing his good work.