Anyone who has heard or seen Prince Saudi Al-Faysal recently can tell immediately that he has had a few too many. The scrawny, scraggly, muttering, stuttering, lisping, slobbering, wobbling scion of a tribe of flea-bitten desert bandits has now come out of the closet. On Tuesday, while having discussions at the White House, the prince who is known as “Foo-Foo” to his good friends and “Fou-Fou” to his enemies, came out of the East Portico and delivered a torrent of incomprehensible drivel to an aghast audience of seasoned reporters, who, are known for their own “hard-drinking” ways.
Saud Al-Faysal seen here trying to keep his eyes open during a press conference in Washington D.C. His American minder had to be around him 24 hours a day to keep him from falling off his chair or bed. He had to be helped at the toilet, too.
During his remarks, listeners could make out sentences by listening very carefully. Sam Grayhoof, reporter for the Juneau Express and Mail, remarked: “He seemed depressed. He kept saying things like: `Assad must go’, and `Assad won’t go’ and `Assad is a Persian cat’, `Assad is a Russian weasel’, and `Assad, Assad, Assad….’. It was really embarrassing.”
We asked Waldo “Fuzzy” Schweinsteiger of “Von Runstedt’s Gasthaus” on 48th St. in Manhattan what he thought of the prince’s appearance on Tuesday. “Well, it certainly is either 911, taxi cab or EMS. The guy was plastered! Definitely no more booze. 86 the guy!”
Embarrassing? Saudi Arabia has been pelted with denunciations during the last 6 months after beheading two citizens for sorcery, dismissing a case of a father who raped his daughter and killed her, deporting Yemenis for no reason, allowing women to drive motor scooters but only in nunneries, deporting 3 men to the UAE because they were too handsome, and even more silliness unworthy of our humble blog. But, now this!
Professor Iain Snortley of Georgetown’s prestigious School of Protocol said the following: “Oh, this must come at the very worst time for the Arabians. Being pilloried by literally everyone is bad enough. But having a member of the royal family now exposed as a hypocritical lush, wino and professional goofball, is really too much to bear. I recommend the royal family retire with King Juan Carlos to some island off the coast of Tasmania.”
We asked Dr. Coward Muldoon of the George Washington University Hospital’s Alcohol Control Centre what he saw in the prince’s behavior. He answered: “Oh, he’s very far gone. The stuttering, rolling of eyeballs, the foul odor of putrefacting bourbon. It’s very typical of what we call ‘Aboriginal Addictive Moronic Psychosis’. He’s just a wasted street Arab – a drunk! Not very long to live!”
According to acquaintances of the prince, his favorite tipple is a Saudi Arabian bathtub gin called “Waddi’ Ahlak” (ودع اهلك ). (The name apparently means in Arabic: “Say goodbye to family”). “The prince likes to use local products because there are so few in Arabia”. His first cousin Shaykh Wobbly Al-‘Akroot says this: “He is a true patriot. But he is also a drunk patriot.”
We invite our readers to listen to this tape of May 5, 2013 in which Prince Faysal sits next to Saudi Ambassador Adel Jubayr in Washington and regales everyone with more dreck than a Zionist or Phalangist newspaper.