THIRD POST – FEBRUARY 17, 2013 – UNPAID ADVERTISEMENT FOR “BODY BAG AND LEATHER COMPANY” OF ALEPPO, SYRIA.
The staff of Syrian Perspective does not necessarily endorse the contents of the following advertisement and specifically disclaims any responsibility for its message, substance or solicitations.
WOULDN’T YOU JUST LOVE TO OWN THIS BEAUTIFUL PURSE MADE FROM THE PELT OF A DEAD TERRORIST ORGANISM IN SYRIA? WE KNOW YOU WOULD AND THAT’S WHY THE “BODY BAG AND LEATHER COMPANY OF ALEPPO” IS OFFERING, FOR THE FIRST TIME, ITS SPRING SELECTION OF THE FINEST AND MOST FASHIONABLE LEATHER ACCOUTERMENTS FOR PEOPLE OF REFINEMENT, ELEGANCE AND GOOD TASTE.
You probably have noticed that over the last 22 months, the Syrian government has been involved in a clean-up of an unfortunate infestation which gripped the country. At first, carcasses were offered to both medical and veterinary school anatomy programs. And the success of the Syrian government’s efforts resounded throughout the world as medical schools, which were in need of corpses for research and teaching, were inundated with many excellent specimens for such instruction.
BUT THEN, THERE WERE TOO MANY CORPSES AND SOMEBODY HAD TO COME UP WITH A SOLUTION!!
Alloush Bahaa Qarnaqooq, the inventor and innovator who solved the problem. “Why not make purses and belts out of them?”, he asked……..And a whole industry started.
Today, at the “Body Bag and Leather Company” we are cornering the market on “usable” and “treatable”pelts from recently culled terrorists in Syria. Our company specializes in ladies’ purses, men’s belts and superb “Italian”-designed shoes for men and women. (We do not use any foreign pelts such as those from Saudi Arabia, Tunisia or Qatar as they have proven to be almost indistinguishable from those of apes and muskrats)
Mr. Qarnaqooq invites you to compare the
quality and prices of our flagship products:
THE HARMOUSH SIGNATURE COLLECTION:
The men’s fashion belts you see picture here are a part of the “Harmoush Family Signature Collection”
. All leather is of pure Harmoush family origin and is totally histocompatible with other Harmoush leather products offered by our company. But availability is limited for the reason that only five Harmoush’s have been collected so far. We are, of course, awaiting further supplies for skinning, treatment and dye. (Price: $134.00 for each) Our belts come with the exclusive lifetime guarantee of quality.
THE GERMAN SHPIONBOOT “MAGIC” PURSE COLLECTION:
These unimaginably chic purses could never have been made without the help of the German Bundesnachrichtendienst (BND) led by Herr Gerhard Schindler whose blundering misinterpretations of Syrian Army communications led to the culling of over 6,000 specimens. For this reason, our line of ladies’ purses for the “Berlin Woman’s Design Collection” is named after Herr Schindler.
This high-fashion leather purse called by Herr Schindler “Das Insekt” reflects his own vision of the nature of the terrorist war he is waging in Syria. “I really don’t like zoze tings. Zey are like inzects. No beer. No pork. You know”. This bag sells at $374.00 retail and comes with a certificate identifying the culled specimen: “Abdul Ballouf. No. 1654. Felled in Idlib”.
THE RIAD AL-AS’AD ZONTAR SHOE COLLECTION:
Named after the man who took over the Fake Syrian Army from Col. Hussein Harmoush after his somewhat ill-advised romp into Syria which led to his arrest and execution (pelt available in men’s leather belts) by the Military Intelligence Directorate and Syrian Army, this collection reflects Colonel Al-As’ad’s unusual Weltanschauung and mental interpretation of reality.
No one can match the sheer genius of these stiletto ladies’ shoes designed by Col. Al-As’ad himself. “It is important for me to consider discomfort as a method of inducing radical thought.” Or so says the Colonel. This set is called the “Zontar Anti-Gravity Ensemble” and is made from the documented pelt of one “Qipshaq Qalqashandi” found in Deir El-Zor, Syria. ($421.00 retail)
This spiffy, French-inspired high-heel shoe for ladies, was designed by Col. Al-As’ad in consultation with Herr Schindler. Note the delicate lines and neo-Nazi facets created as a “true depiction of French perversion!”, or so says Herr Schindler. The shoe is also approved by leading German podiatrist, Doktor Professor Sigmund Zu Von Ubertrieben, who recommends this design for obese women. (Popular in Germany at 213.00 Euros)
Our catalog of high fashion leather goods made from the treated pelts of Syrian terrorists can be obtained on line at www.syrianterroristskins.org. All prices subject to change due to fluctuations in the market.
COLONEL AL-AS’AD SEEN HERE WITH ADJUTANTS, FOUR OF WHOM ARE NOW IN THE FORM OF SHOES, BELTS AND PURSES.