SECOND POST – JANUARY 5, 2013 – UNPAID ADVERTISEMENT FOR NEW EPIC FILM TO BE RELEASED ON JANUARY 18, 2013 AROUND THE WORLD
DO YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU MERGE HOLLYWOOD U.S.A WITH BOLLYWOOD INDIA?
YOU GET FOLLYWOOD ENGLAND!!
SIR LOW GRADE PRESENTS
A SHAMMER FILMS RELEASE IN ASSOCIATION WITH SEVEN TARTS PRODUCTIONS
OF A DIDLEY SNOTT FILM
RELEASED BY 30TH CENTURY WEASEL
WITH THE COLLABORATION OF THE BBC, NYT, NBC, CBS, PBS, ABC, REUTERS, ASSOCIATED PRESS, PHALANGIST CINEMA, WASHINGTON POST, LEBANESE FORCES ENTERTAINMENT GROUP, THE CIA, NSA, DIA, MI6, BUNDESNACHRICHTENDIENST, MIT TURKISH INTELLIGENCE, THE BRITISH FOREIGN OFFICE AND MORE
SIR LOW GRADE IS PROUD TO PRESENT
THE HORROR OF COUNT DRASSAD!
STARRING: MEPHISTOPHER SNEE, in his most subtle incarnation of evil as, “COUNT DRASSAD”!!
DIETER SMOOSHING, as DR. VAN SQUELCHING
RIAD AL-AS’AD as “RUMSFIELD”
BURHAN GHALIOUN as “DR. SEWER”
GEORGE SABRA in three astounding roles: JONATHAN HARKER, IGOR THE HERMIT and CAPTAIN KANGAROO
WITH THE LOVELY INGENUE BARBARA STARR AS “MINA WESTENRA”
WITH THE FOLLOWING ACTORS IN A SUPPORTING ROLE:
Baroness Catherine Ashton as “Count Drassad’s Sofa”
Madame Banana of Qatar as “Juicy Lucy”
Navi Pillay as “Chaiwallah”
AND PLAYING COUNT DRASSAD’S THREE BLOODSUCKING WIVES:
HILLARY CLINTON as “FRIVOLITA”
“Mmmmm”, she mumbles. “Must be a little treat you’ve brought us, oh Count Drassad!”
ANGELA MERKEL AS “GEILEFRAU! DIE HUNDIN VOM TEUFEL!”
“And is zer nutting left for me you stupid Amerikanische Bitch!”, she says to Frivolita
AND IN HER FIRST PERFORMANCE ON THE SCREEN AS A QUEEN OF EVIL:
“Just leave me a morsel. And where is that stupid Captain Kangaroo?”
LOTTE LENYA AS “BUSHRA KLEBB, MAID OF CERBERUS?”
AND IN A SPECIAL APPEARANCE AS “GORP”:
MUSIC: Composed, arranged and conducted by David Petraeus with the Langley Spook Quartet
(LPs and discs available in encoded format on Panetta Records and Varese Sarabande)
Director: Didley Snott EDITOR: Richard Engel CINEMATOGRAPHY: Danny “the Syrian” Abdel-Dayem CONTINUITY:
Sarah Palin PRODUCER: Prince Fatso EXECUTIVE PRODUCERS: David Cameron and Saad Hariri SPECIAL EFFECTS: Arwa Damon and CNN
Optics MINIATURE SETS: Davutoghlu Tiny Images CATERING: Ali’s Grub and Suds, London, U.K Logistics: North Atlantic Treay Organization
THE “EMBATTLED” COUNT FIGHTS FOR HIS LIFE AMIDST A SEA OF TERROR!! AMIDST THE SCREAMS OF A MILLION RATS WHO SET UPON HIS CASTLE. “HE’S SURROUNDED!”, “HE’S ON HIS LAST LEG!”, “HE’S GOING TO HAVE TO MOVE TO RUSSIA!” “HE’S PACKING HIS BAGS!” “HE MUST LEAVE THAT CASTLE!”
NATURE RECOILS FROM THE AUDACITY OF MAN!
Original songs composed by Samir Geagea and “The Lebanteez Fooseballers” include: “Let’s Sneak to Tal Kalakh”, “Floating Face Down on the Orontes”, “Hot Lunch in Baba Amro” and the already immortal: “I’ve Got the Maronite Blues”.
THIS MOVIE COULD NOT HAVE BEEN MADE WITHOUT THE COLLABORATION OF THE FOLLOWING PERSONS: Richard Perle, Bill Kristol, Benny Mileikowski, Douglas Feiths, Elliott Abrams, Ann Barnard, Khaled Oweiss, Uqab Saqr and Basma Qudmani. This movie is dedicated to the memory of Anthony Shadid and his horse, Busyphilis.
All scenes in Homs, Aleppo, Idlib, Damascus and Der’ah filmed on location at the Shepperton Studios, Ealing Studios, Hammer Studios, Pinehurst Studios and Twickenham Studios under Action and Second Unit Director, Danny Abdel-Dayem.
Technical Advisors: Andrew “No Doctorate” Tabler, Joshua “I’m married to an Alawi” Landis, and Fouad “the Parsi” Ajami.
“Funny, I don’t feel at all embattled. Not even rattled. Would you like some Blutwurst?”
COMING TO A THEATER NEAR YOU ON JANUARY 18, 2013. DON’T FORGET TO VISIT THE CONCESSION STANDS AND GET YOUR POPCORN AND SODA!
AIRLINE SICKNESS BAGS NOT PROVIDED BY PROPRIETORS OF EXHIBITING THEATERS
The critics are raving:
“A maddening romp into the world of fantasy. There were so many rats I lost count!”
Roger Filbert, The Chicago Cesspool
“George Sabra has me in stitches as Captain Kangaroo. His promise to arm rats was a killer.”
Pauline Stale, San Francisco Gay Advisor
“You gotta see the three wives in that lesbian scene. Hillary will shock you with the reality of her performance.”
Millicent Cannedpeas, Lost Angels Herald Picayune
“HE PROWLS THE NIGHT TO SEEK OUT BLOOD”! “EVIL HAS NO LIMIT WHEN GREED AND GRIFT ARE PARTNERS IN COUNT DRASSAD’S DEADLY PLAN”
BUT, DURING THE DAY, COUNT DRASSAD, IS KNOWN AS A MILD-MANNERED OPTHAMOLOGIST WITH A LOVELY WIFE AND THREE CHILDREN. WHO COULD POSSIBLY GUESS THAT WHEN THE MOON RISES, HE CHANGES INTO THE QUINTESSENCE OF EVIL?
COUNT VLAD DRASSAD?
“See you all in Jerusalem, next year. Bye, Captain Kangaroo.”