This is a year of records. SyrPer awarded the Tony Blair Liar of the Year Medal to NATO Secretary Anders Fogh Rasmussen, even though he was not among the first five nominees. And so, in this category, SyrPer will be awarding the medal to two individuals for the first time. The John Wayne Gacy Heritage Medallion of Singular Achievement in Pedophilism will be bestowed upon JERRY SANDUSKY and PRINCE FATSO OF CATARRH. The dual prize shall have to be awarded in absentia for the reason that the portly prince cannot leave his palace for security reasons and Mr. Sandusky is in a facility which refuses to grant him furlough to attend the New York City ceremonies. The Pennsylvania Department of Corrections cited the “…..certain expectation of flight and the exorbitant expense of accompanying him to such a questionable affair….”.
Barring any new discoveries in geriatrics, the physiology of aging or a Biblical miracle, Mr. Sandusky will not be around to receive this prize in person. We have been informed that Mr. Sandusky, a Penn State athletic coordinator and buggerer, possesses no abnormal gene that will keep him alive until the age of 167 years. In an effort to make smooth the transfer of the medallion to his estate, we have asked the government of Qatar to accept it on his behalf. We are delighted to inform our readers that the Royal Government of Prince Fatso will “proudly display the medallion in the Doha Hostel for Naughty Boys“.
Prizewinner Sandusky, seen here dressed in the traditional “penitential crimson” of the Penn State football team, is cordially accompanied by ushers provided courtesy of the Pennsylvania Commonwealth.
The second winner is no stranger to fame or controversy. He has been in the forefront of the fight to expunge the “so-called crime of pedophilism” from all statute books. He is regarded as the world’s most accomplished child molester by the North American Boy Lovers Association. He is none other than Prince Fatso, more properly known as Prince Drum Son of Doubledrum Husband of Madame Banana of the Second Rate Tribe. الأمير طبل بن طبلين زوج الموزة ألصنف الثاني
The Prince responded to the news of his award with typical understated jubilation. He sent members of the Board of Governors Timex watches, each engraved with images of “Boy” as played by Johnnie Sheffield in the Weissmuller Tarzan movies. He also sent a note to the Chairman of the Board of Governors, Percival Drudgebasquet, expressing his gratitude and “his heartfelt regret at not being able to attend the award ceremonies. I don’t understand why there are so many out there who want to kill me”, he wrote in longhand.
Congratulations from SyrPer to both Jerry Sandusky and Prince Fatso.