In a wildly unpredictable year, only mysteries and riddles dominate the world of thought and action. And so it is with SyrPer. Our nominations were set on SUSAN D. RICE, RAMI ABDEL-RAHMAN, DAVID CAMERON, ROBERT FORD and BARACK HUSSEIN OBAMA. These are not ordinary names in the universe of mendacity; they are Gods of Lies! Susan D. Rice, the U.S. Ambassadorette to the United Nations; Rami Abdel-Rahman, perennial favorite for the award and head of something British called the Syrian Observatory for Human Rights; David Cameron, British Prime Minister and erudite liar; Robert Ford, Egon Krenz Award emeritus, disgraced diplomat and terrorism supporter; and, of course, the Yowza-Man, the Prez himself, the Affirmative Action Ace, Barack Hussein Obama!!
But this year, a flood of late nominations deluged our offices in New York City and made the selection of this man, and this man only, inevitable in order to satisfy the perfervid demands of our readership. We are proud to announce, therefore, the winner of the 2012 TONY BLAIR LIAR OF THE YEAR AWARD:
ANDERS FOGH RASMUSSEN !!!
Rasmussen cannot conceal his astonishment at winning the coveted award for 2012. He had just finished another lie to the press when he received a note informing him of his victory: “Oh, the Patriot missiles we are sending cannot be fired because we have retained the triggers in Amsterdam.”
Known to his friends as “Foggy”, Anders Fogh Rasmussen is the prototypical Dane. He awakens every day and practices lying on his partner. His partner, Bjorn Bjornstern Rasmussen, tells SyrPer that “Foggy always says he’s going to have a danish, but he lies, and eats smelly French Camembert. His breath is just awful.” In a country where everyone is named “Rasmussen”, Foggy practices lying by assuming aliases: Bunders Mussenrass, Rasmussen Anderson Sorenson, Andy Panda, and the list goes on and on. But nobody believes him because his angular face is so associated with NATO that he is often caricatured as a dead soldier, a failed missile launch or, and most importantly, a Pinocchio sniffing around a Taliban turban in Kandahar.
His career in lying began in the Sixties when he found that Danish voters only cared about eating Gravlax and would elect anyone who opposed limits on fishing in the icy waters of the North Sea. Since that time, he has been nicknamed “Graf von Gravlax“, “Elsinore’s Gravlax” and most relevantly “Gravlax Lying Machine“. In England, he was uniformly dubbed: “Mr. PettiFog”. He has promoted Gravlax as a national dish which he often serves up with Denmark’s favorite quaff, Akvavit, a vodka flavored with cardamom or dill. But, his lies soon outstripped his promises when, in the Seventies, there was a Gravlax shortage blamed on his party’s adoption of the “Movement for the Humane Treatment of Fish” or MeHeTFF championed by the then-young Prince Charles of England.
His fortunes changed when he was seen pilfering salmon from a Copenhagen market for a party he was hosting for American general Curtis LeMay, a hero of Rasmussen’s. The accusations of theft galvanized Foggy and started him off on a career based totally on mendacity.
Prince Charles, see here during his youth visiting an airplane glue factory, supported all out war against Japan to stop its “inhumane Sushi-frenzy”. His organization supported the slogan: “Don’t eat fish! Eat yourself!”
Foggy’s career really did not take off until he became Secretary General of NATO, the mostly Western European-American alliance devoted to crushing all populist movements, quashing the aspirations of all “darkies” and smashing each and every, itsy-bitsy, teeny weeny appearance of self-reliance or independence in the Third World. His appointment was mostly motivated by the fact that Foggy had a talent for “lying at the drop of a hat”, as Brigadier General Nimrod Truncheon once said after hearing the Secretary General bowdlerize a NATO situation report from Libya.
Recently, Rasmussen’s statements have sunk to new levels in the art of chicanery, charlatanry, pettifoggery, skull-duggery and beating-around-the-bushery. His statements regarding Syria are excellent examples:
“No vay, no involvement in Syria!”
“NATO will not involve itself in Syria”
“It is impossible for NATO to get tied up in Syria”
“Syria is a red line for NATO”.
And the list goes on and on. But now, listen to this:
“Vee are zending Patriots to defend Turkey.”
“Vee are zending 600 Dutch and German soldiers to Turkey”
“Vee are zending 400 American Patriot technicians to Turkey”
“Vee are invading Syria tomorrow if ze Russkies get out of ze vay!”
“He is embattled; he is beleaguered; he is surrounded; he is schwimming in his pool”.
Congratulations Mr. Rasmussen on a well-deserved award. We know that the founding father of this great tribute, the Biggest Liar Himself, would grandly embrace you and induct you into his private Hall of Shame.
Courtesy of Tonyaardvark.com
The Ultimate flim-flam man beams at his audience.