Sir Run Run Shaw XVIII, Poet Laureate of East Asia and Micronesia and Special Artistic Contributor to SyrPer, submits this prayer for the death of Prince Fatso of Qatar. It is written for a seven year girl named Marcie who prayed to God that the Prince be sent straight to Hell.
WE ENTREAT THEE, OH LORD, PLEASE KILL PRINCE FATSO
To Marcie, Sweet little girl
Whom, Oh Lord, might we entreat to bring an end to this porcine evil?
Shall we rant a rhyme to revive the time of the daring Evel Knievel?
Or, if amidst the enslaved South, we’d nurture cotton for the hungry Weevil.
In order to finish the task you’ve given, to slay the soul of the Bloated Deevil.
What beast would embrace a hag so jaundiced they’d name her Madame Banane?
Is he reptile? Is he fowl? Is he ogre? Or what he seems, a starch-stuffed orangutan?
But through whose ministrations may we seek the benison of your mood and plan?
Is it Booth’s sure bullet? Brutus’ blade? Or Cleo’s serpent in his gold bed pan?
Now might we do it pat! We see his kneeling hulking frame all bent and all a-shiver.
Does he pray to You, Oh Allah? or to Hindu sacrilege, the god they call Lord Shiva?
I do beseech Thee: which ring to draw from the quivering quoits of my quondam quiver?
Or burning arrow! Ti’s better methinks in doing such things, to render down his fatty liver.
Run Run Shaw, XVIII, Included in the Upanishads of Ennui
COMMENTARY AND MORE NEWS
If you want to know why Abdallah Gul is a knucklehead, read this:
The BBC is no longer what it was. It’s a shame it sold out its honor and prestige. Reporting about Syrian has been a disgrace. It’s not independent. The pedophilism scandal doesn’t help:
It makes total sense: Tony Blair Liar of the Year Nominee Susan Rice to become the next Secretary of State. She is so inept and so undiplomatic it makes total sense that a Chicago gutter-rat like Obama would pick her. More disgrace for the U.S.
It’s make me feel great to know we have an Italian commander for UNIFIL. I’m sure the wine if flowing librally:
I wish they’d let me edit their English copy:
Who do you think stole the blankets. Even the U.N. is becoming obnoxious:
This Baydemir character is troubling. What peace with Erdoghan? Go PKK!!
More on Soo Soo Fattouche and General Betrayus. This time from England:
Mark the Brit, who triumphed last week on our Brainteaser with his stunning research on a word for stuffing someone’s face in the toilet (bogwash), submits this article about stuffing Prince Charles’ face with horse manure:
Monzer in Damascus responds to my e-mail concerning this missing reporter, Austin Tice. He says that his sources tell him the Ministry of Information is doing a lot to locate the man. Some people say it’s not going to have a happy ending because the terrorist-kidnappers may have gotten the impression he had no money. It’s just speculation now. The government would like to find him and have him released because it would make good copy.
Aslan sent in his report yesterday. He keeps insisting that Turkey is about to implode. Heavy fighting in the Southeast of the country. He says the Turkish army lost over 15 soldiers yesterday but won’t disclose this to the press. Furthermore, secularists are on a collision course with Erdoghan which, in Aslan’s opinion, will result in an alliance between them, the Kurds and Southern non-Sunni Turks. He believes its going to be bloody and result in the Balkanization of the country. This is the reason he has been hesitant to use more force in the Syrian situation. This is also the reason why Pres. Assad has been fearless in pursuing the terrorists even up to and over the Turkish border. Assad is taunting Erdoghan.
Nothing for the last five days from Garabed. He’s busy, I know.
Hanadi in Al-Hasakeh says the local tribes are doing an excellent job of keeping mercenary terrorists at bay. She says college is going well and that everything is normal in her area.
Bahjat in Tartous reports that the Russian navy is going about its maneuvers without a sense of urgency. He also says that the Russians will “never allow any no-fly zone to be established.” Life on the coast of Syria is very nice. No reports of terrorist infiltrations except in the Ghab area to the northeast.