SHOULD HE CHANGE HIS NAME BACK TO “BETRAYUS”? MANY ARE SUGGESTING THAT HE SHOULD.
Brunhilde Liebesbombe reports from Washington D.C., New York City and Beirut. Archibald Auchincloss from Camp David, Maryland. Ogden Orffe photojournalist exclusive to MNS.
Mercury News Service can confirm that the “other woman” in CIA Director, David Petraeus’ life, was none other than notorious Syrian spy and pretty poison, “Soo Soo Fattouche” (a/k/a “Solange Solitaire Salata”). This news comes on the heels of former General Petraeus’ shocking revelation last week that he betrayed his trust by “involving himself in very questionable shenanigans inappropriate for a man who is blithely overseeing the slaughter of hundreds of thousands of people around the world.”
CIA Director Petraeus’ confession follows several leaks from Washington sources to MNS national security reporter, Farouq Abdel-Freek, concerning a security breach of the first magnitude…..”one that involves personalities of the most malodorous variety”, as Allen Dulles III, told us. He described a CIA now riven with “broad suspicion of anyone who befriends a woman who uses cheap French perfume.” He went on: “Petraeus’ secretary was the first to alert IS (Internal Security) about the General coming in at 3:00 a.m. every morning smelling like some roadside perfume stand while staggering and slurring his speech. His breath smelled like licorice, a clear sign he was indulging in Syrian hooch.”
East Coast spies, who dominate the CIA’s highest echelons, are traditionally from staid, stuffy white Protestant families with Ivy League pedigrees and a zero population growth rate. They would never be caught dead smelling of “Araq” or “Ouzo”, a quaff they associate with “greasy, hirsute, swarthy, slimy, stinky, slinky, slummy” Mediterranean types.
This photo of CIA Director Petraeus, “reeking of counterfeit Chanel No. 5”, throwing a “spitball memo” at his secretary, Celia Dritteganger, on Sunday at 3:30 a.m. after parachuting into the CIA’s Langley, Virginia HQ, started a whole series of inquiries which led to his resignation. Or was it a resignation?
The appearance of Ms. Fattouche in the evolving scandal was disclosed yesterday when she made an hurried effort to leave her Manassas, Virginia condo in a taxi driven by Syrian National Council member and Muslim Brotherhood fanatic, Burhan Ghalioun, who “volunteered” to set the trap for the notorious “femme fatale“. Ghalioun was borrowed from the French intelligence services because he was complaining of “depression” and a “sense of listlessness” following his invitation to attend the Doha Conference where he knew he would be thought of as “a wet blanket and a square”. We learned that Ghalioun was to drive the cab straight to the Wolftrap Motel in Alexandria so that Fattouche could be interrogated and arrested. Instead, realizing the jig was up, she used her wiles to convince him to take her to her original destination, a small private airport in Bethesda, Maryland, owned by Rami Makhlouf, a maternal cousin of Syria’s president.
The FBI special agent in charge of the investigation, S.A. Beauregard Bland, told us that: “We knew something was wrong when Ghalioun punched into his GPS the address for a small airport called ‘Have a Ba’ath Party Civilian Aeronautics Academy’, a place we had under surveillance for some time.” At the airport, an Ilyushin passenger jet, awaited Ms. Fattouche with a flight plan that ended in Latakia, Syria!
Soo Soo Fattouche, seen here after her arrest, claimed “diplomatic immunity” and promised to have her uncle Tannous “beat the daylights out of everybody involved”.
Petraeus has refused to discuss the matter with MNS. His spokesperson declined to set a date for a press conference citing problems with “Mrs. Petraeus”. “She’s really upset about this Fattouche lady. She keeps asking what Fattouche has that she doesn’t. She’s inconsolable.” We contacted Mrs. Petraeus at her tony Reston home.
Mrs. Petraeus, seen above, asked “what does that dame have that I don’t”?
General Petraeus is believed to have revealed to Soo Soo Fattouche the classified Obama plan to resettle all foreign Jihadists fighting in Syria in Brooklyn, New York, “if they can’t overthrow that Assad fella”. We were told that Brooklyn was now the best place to plant the Jihadists after a deal was struck with the Bonnano crime family to “control their activities”. Brooklyn’s chief alderman, Bruno “Gnasher” Ventimiglia promised “…a real big pahty when da Slum Toyks git ova heah”. We will continue coverage of the developing scandal.