This MNS report is the result of work conducted by Wurlitzer Prize winning journalist Brunhilde Liebesbombe in Rome and Unsworth Snyde-Hyde in Bandar Abbas, Iran. 

On a cloudy night in the Summer of 2009,  two frigates registered in North Korea, but flagged in Lichtenstein, were observed floating furtively into the Bandar Abbas harbor on the Arabian Sea port of Bandar Abbas in Southern Iran.  No NATO member nation which tracked North Korean shipping on the high seas alerted allies since the cargo it was carrying was described by German intelligence as “ordinarische wertloser Plunder, naturlich” or ordinary junk merchandise, naturally”.  What the Germans and Americans did not know was that the first frigate, Kung Il Jong,  bore over 10,000 Kirby vacuum cleaners from the 1960’s, described by former CIA counter-intelligence agent,  Bledney Schargoose, as “zippy first class condition civil gadget.”

Our sources in Washington and at Langley confirmed that as far back as 1986,  the Kirby Vacuum Cleaner Co. was contacted by Serge Offal, a Swiss businessman, who claimed he was interested in refurbishing used Kirbys for the “filthy, unkempt, illegal aliens in Switzerland”.  The cost?  A staggering 2.3 million dollars.  Mr. Offal, paid at first with a forged letter of credit,  which was disavowed later by the Zurichbank, LTD.  Kirby made no report of the incident, preferring to avoid any suggestion that the corporate staff had been hoodwinked by a man claiming to be Swiss, but who in fact, was an Albanian coney island operator in Toledo, Ohio and a fanatical proponent of the ideology of Enver Hoxha, the deceased former dictator of the Albanian Republic.  

MNS met with Kirby’s Chief of Foreign Marketing, Ludwig Schnorrh, in his office.  We asked how it was possible for an Albanian man to impersonate a Swiss official.  He answered:

“Well, he talked funny like most foreigners and we didn’t know where Alfania (sic) was.  So, my boss figured he had to be Swiss.  I mean, things like that happen.  And the LOC looked genuine.  We had no idea it was printed by some Oriental guy.”


This is one of the over-10,000 vacuum cleaners sold to a North Korean front company in the United States. The machines were later shipped from Pyongyang to Iran to power centrifuges.       

The trail of the vacuum cleaners led from Cleveland, Ohio, through the St. Lawrence Seaway and around the world to the North Korean capital where, according to Mr. Schargoose of the CIA, the machines were “tuned up and made real spiffy”.  We asked him why would the North Korean government be interested in American vacuum cleaners?  His response was cryptic:

“The Kirby is not just a vacuum, like a Hoover.  It’s engine can be used by carpenters to power tools.  It’s a 1.5 h.p. engine.  If you have ten thousand of them, do the math.  It’s scary.”

In 1999,  Iran learned that North Korea had successfully rehabilitated the machines at a time when they needed a “power source” for their top-secret nuclear reactor at Natanz.  In a famous speech by Iranian nuclear scientist, Dr. Fereydoon Bozorg-Kharrzadeh,  the need for the machines was made public:  “I need my centrifuges to spin!!”  The Iranian government go the message and a world-wide search was made for appropriate engines to power Iran’s lust for electricity and possibly…..oh so eerily…..oh so surreptitiously…. for a nuclear weapon!        

In 2009,  the machines were loaded on to a North Korean commercial frigate and sent straight to Iran where the cargo was debarked in complete secrecy under cover of night.

Representative Leon Dookmester, (R) of Texas, who heads the Congressional Fish and Wildlife Committee, gave vent to much anger in Washington last week when he excoriated the Democratic-led administration:
“How?  I mean, like How? How, can anyone justify sending American technology to North Korea? Obviously, the Commies always do things to upset us.  The Iranian plan to develop the A-bomb is now a given.  We must protect our Jewish friends.  We must bomb Iran!”  He screamed.      

Congressman Dookmester of Texas, seen screaming here, denounced President Obama as an “Iranian streetwalker and Biblically proportioned (sic) ingrate.” 

But in a new article by internationally renowned nuclear research physicist,  Ollie Bilkstein,  published in Zionist Nuclear World last month, the author stated that the Kirby vacuum was not for the purpose powering centrifuges to enrich uranium, but, instead to create the “proper environment for something much more nefarious and deadly…..Spumonium!”  It took MNS researchers some time to track down this esoteric substance known only to a few seasoned nuclear physicists.  In the event, we found ourselves on the doorstep of one of the few physicists who understood the importance of Spumonium: Dr. James Proscia,  who heads the Brooklyn Ashram for Compressed Time and Eternal Life, an Ann Arbor-based charity that “combines science, Ayn Randism, and futuristic infantilism to give adherents the full taste of Dasein.”

Dr.  and Guru Proscia seen here during our interview last week in Ann Arbor.  We asked him how he got that dot on his forehead. He responded: “I bumped my head on the door”.    

“Guru Proscia”, we asked, “What is Spumonium?”

“It’s a cocktail made up of Uranium, Plutonium and Kryptonite”. He responded.  “It’s in three parts so the Italians called it “Spumonium” after the ice cream.  I think it’s stupid.”  When we asked him why the Iranians would need Kirby vacuums, he found the answer easy.  “The number of engines they’re using to enrich all three substances means they’re raising the level to over 200%, clearly enough to make 50 Spumonium bombs that can destroy the entire solar system and bring about the coming of Captain Jolly…a name we use to mention the Unspeakable One!” 

We left Dr. Proscia’s Ashram and headed back to Langley, in Northern Virginia, where the CIA headquarters are located.  As we approached the Langley-McLean area, we heard a speech being given in the capital by Benjamin Mileikowski (a/k/a Netanyahu) the P.M. of Israel.  He was addressing the Schnookings Institute, a neo-con think tank, devoted to enslaving gentiles for service to the Zionist settler state in Israel.  He mentioned in his talk:  “They must be stopped.  They’re over the red line.  We’re at ground zero.  We’re past event horizon.  We are past fail-safe.  They have the zone of immunity.  They have the tripartite technology.  They are apocalyptic Shi’ites!  And now they are looking to secure 30,000 FoodSaver machines to store their nihilistic glue!”  He shrieked.

Prime Minister Mileikowski, seen here in an image published by a patriotic American organization. 

In our next installment, we will report on allegations that Iran is trying to buy up all of America’s FoodSaver machines to store their Spumonium.