THIRD POST – SEPTEMBER 9, 2012 – GERMAN SPY CHIEF RECEIVES EGON KRENZ MEMORIAL AWARD

THIRD POST – SEPTEMBER 9, 2012 – GERMAN SPY CHIEF, GERHARD SCHINDLER, RECEIVES COVETED EGON KRENZ MEMORIAL AWARD FOR SERVICE TO THE SYRIAN SECURITY ESTABLISHMENT.

The Board of Governors of Syrian Perspective proudly confer upon Herr Gerhard Schindler the coveted EGON KRENZ MEMORIAL AWARD FOR SERVICE TO THE SYRIAN SECURITY ESTABLISHMENT.  This award is not given frivolously but is bestowed upon a nominee after significant contribution by the readership, staff and the Syrian National Security Advisor.  Last year, Robert Ford, the former ambassador to Damascus was the proud recipient of this coveted prize.  Mr. Ford singlehandedly revealed the identities of hundreds of traitors and moles inside the Syrian cities of Hama and Homs by constantly pestering them with telephone calls which gave them comfort in the knowledge that he “stood with all Islamist freaks”.  He was given the award after General Ali Mamlouk dubbed him “the greatest Syrian since Laban”. 

Gerhard Schindler has been head of the Bundesnachrichtendienst (BND) from December 7, 2012 until the present.  It was through his efforts that Germany sent its “Super-Uber-Duber-ShpionBoot” the “Merkwurdig Wiesel” to the shores of Turkey to “help” coordinate FSA attacks against Syria’s army, civilians and security agencies.  What was to be clever Teutonic sneakiness and technical brilliance transmogrified into scenes of gut-ripping hilarity as one rebel unit after another was snookered into traps laid by Syrian Military and Air Force Intelligence and all with the help of Mr. Schindler!  

Hier ist der Mann, der Wunderkampfer, Gerhard Schindler.  In this photograph, Mr. Schindler smiles nervously after finding out the BND almost mistakenly handed over “rebel” General Mustafa Al-Sheikh to Syrian Customs on the Turkish border because of a mistranslation. 

Since the arrival of the German spy boat the “Merkwurdig Wiesel“,  Syrian cryptographers and disinformation specialists have enjoyed remarkable success in delivering fatuous messages which the humorless Germans took seriously. Sending one group of terrorists after another into obvious traps became a national pastime for the Syrians.  All it took was a message like: “Buy Shaleesh Tires, they go a long way” which was interpreted as Syrian code for “Go to Fatima’s market and buy some donuts”.  German technicians would order FSA units away from any area where Fatima’s market was located, thus, insuring the success of the snare. 

Here is the “Curious Weasel”, German’s contribution to the Syrian government’s efforts to crush the jihadist insurgency.  You can tell its a Shpionboot because the windows are very small.

Although Herr Schindler has refused to accept the prize personally, citing traditions of secrecy, he will be sending Guido Westervelle, the German Foreign Minister and renowned blowhard in his stead.  We are proud to reaffirm Mr. Schindler’s prize and hope the German ship will continue its excellent work in undermining the work of the FSA and foreign terrorists in Turkey.  Mit unsere herzlichsten Danke ansprechen..  The Board of Governors, Editor and staff of SyrPer.