AUGUST 13, 2012 – THIRD POST – TO SLEEP, PERCHANCE TO DREAM; NEW NOTES FROM ALEPPO AND DIRECT AMERICAN BUNGLING IN SYRIA.
The terrorists are finding it difficult to get ammunition. But what they’re really lacking is sleep. Traitor after traitor, mercenary after mercenary, has been taken alive and interrogated. The one curious story they tell is how “tired they are”. So writes my wife’s nephew Iyad from an area just south of Ariha. I cannot divulge the actual location, that would be in very bad taste. Iyad, an officer with the Syrian Third Army Group, writes that the biggest enemy now for these mercenaries is trying to find a place to sleep. It appears that Lt. General Fahd Jassem Al-Furaij, our new Defense Minister, has come upon an old recipe for victory: induced insomnia. Police use it all the time in the U.S. to break down a suspect’s ability to withstand a cascade of questions; forcing him eventually to beg for the sleep he desperately needs – only to find his inquisitors utterly without sympathy or pity.
Arkady Aliev Rahmantsev, an Islamist Chechen who came to fight in Syria on behalf of the FSA, deserted his terrorist unit and found a place to sleep on Baron Street in Aleppo where he was picked up by a “comfort unit” from the Syrian Air Force Intelligence Service.
General Al-Furaij has been using heavy bunker-busting bombs in Saif Al-Dawla in an effort to force the terrorists to head due East into parklands where they can perform a valuable service for our infantry, especially those who aim to excel in marksmanship. In addition to that, the General has issued orders to militia and police to play German beer hall songs which are known to induce spasms of sleep deprivation contrasted with the imperative to stay awake. Even the immortal song: “Die Wacht am Rhein” is being played with great success as throngs of militants have been emerging from Aleppo’s alleyways, their hands cuffed over their ears – faces engraved with grimaces reminiscent of French gargoyles – grunting, like feral beasts, some mantra which sounds like, “Erdoghan Dog!” We can’t tell for sure.
SyrPer is now certain that orders are being issued from Southern Turkey by Arabic-speaking American agents. The intel is clear: the U.S. is using Satellite Intelligence to guide the murderers through a complex encoded system designed for the cellphones provided to these terrorists. But thanks to the captured foot soldiers, the code is being broken and the criminals are finding the neighborhoods of Aleppo much smaller than they thought.
WE CAN ALSO CONFIRM THAT COLONEL ABDUL-JABBAR AL-OQAIDI is squirming in his gutter, waiting to discover some wormhole through which to escape Aleppo. He is believed to have tried to escape into Hanano District without much success. I’m afraid his only route now is on a legendary causeway, somewhere between the Twilight Zone and Hades: it’s called Gallows Road.
Here it is Colonel. Soon it will be all over and we’ll have that dried ear as a trophy.
There were two explosions in the Mazzeh neighborhood of Damascus yesterday. It seems that Al-Qaeda types are responsible. Also, a bus with children was attacked. Details are still sketchy. This is the sort of attack which turns the people away from the “rebels” and toward the government. We tell the terrorists: “Keep up the good work! Keep killing innocent children! It’s what Obama wants”. Indeed.
More attacks on reporters or so, Reuters, reports. Reuters is like the Oracle of Delphi on a Ouija Board. It’s just pointless reading anything from that agency, especially Khaled Oweiss, an exposed agent of Prince Drum son of Double Drum Husband of Madame Banana.
Bit tired, will read notes tonight. See you all tomorrow.