THIRD POST – JULY 19, 2012 – GURU PROSCIA ADDRESSES YOUR CONCERNS IN HIS WEEKLY COLUMN. This week, Theophisto Umberto Huk, of Quezon City, Phillipines, asks the sagacious guru the following:
RIGOBERTO: I was very upset to learn my new American-born wife disapproved of my eating live monkey brains in the traditional fashion. This has upset my mother who lives in Basilan and made her living serving “gamaran-lapasan-orangutan” to tourists from the North. What can I do to get my American wife to enjoy eating live monkey brains?
GURU PROSCIA: Yeah. Right. Umm. Errr. Whaa?. Don’t you fellas got some thing where ya farce da hag ta eat da dish? My best advice is ta tie’er down and put a funnel in ha mouth then ram da brains down ha troat. Do dat with yo mudder sitting dare an’ see what wifey does. I mean, she oughta respect ya mudder. Right? If she ain’t mad, I guess it’d be okay. Right? If, she’s mad, send ha back to da States wit da monkey’s claws fa good luck…ya know? Whaaa? Okay?
Thank you, Guru, for those inspiring words of wisdom. Guru Maharishi Shree Rajneesh Proscia will return next week to address reader’s questions about life and love.