FIRST POST – JUNE 13, 2012- SYRPER’S WILDLY POPULAR WEEKLY BRAINTEASER IS EXCEPTIONLLY CHALLENGING THIS TIME. Contestants are warned not to use notepads or resort to the internet. Cheaters and fakers will be publicly denounced.
1. Who is this man?
a. Goofy Annan?
b. Annan the African Poof?
c. Annan Bananan?
d. Kofi Annan?
e. Another failed diplomat from the Third World?
2. Whatever happened to much-trumpeted Syrian defector “Adnan Bakkour”, the prosecutor of Hama?
a. He’s now hosting a Levantine cooking programme in the U.K;
b. He’s hiding in Albania as “Atnan Bakuric”;
c. He was executed by his Islamist captors;
d. He was blown to smithereens by a Saudi manufactured IED he was trying to rig;
e. Nobody knows, but “c” above is probably right.
3. What was Lawrence Welk’s first language?
a. Bantu. Welk was raised as a warrior by devout missionaries in Africa;
b. Bronx-Blather. He struggled for years to be understood;
c. Nothing. All his life, his voice was dubbed by Ed McMahon;
d. Yiddish; Welk was a fanatical Zionist who converted to polytheism during his later years;
4. Camels carry their water in their….
b. Nasal passages;
5. Who is the tallest man?
a. Thomas Wolfe?
b. Bertrand Russel?
c. John Kenneth Galbraith?
d. Danny DeVito?
e. Michael Crichton?
6. A torte is to a plum as a tart is to a(n) ……?
d. Cuddly Spitball?
7. British perverts, unlike French or Arabian ones, are noted for something extraordinary. What is it?
a. “Soothing words” as they practice their perversity on an helpless orphan;
b. Governmental immunity. After all , the entire House of Lords is made up of randy wankers?
c. Three-piece suits tailored in Savile Row; British perversions are best savoured in worsted fabrics;
d. Elegantly striped silk pajamas and fluffy, pink slippers?
e. Every British pervert has a hankering for a neurotic English spinster to punish him for being “bad”.
8. If one ship is flying at the speed of light in one direction and passes another traveling at the same speed in the opposite direction, what is their relative speed?
a. Too fast to contemplate. We are now in Proscia-Time;
b. 750,000 miles per second, give or take a few zeros;
c. Warp 2 Drive;
d. Faster than 150,000 miles per second;
e. I don’t know; but, the relative speeds will slow as both approach one another. Yawn.
9. Who drinks more wine?
c. Bowery winos?
d. French longshoremen?
e. Carlos Sanchez of Laredo, Mexico?
10. What does a gentleman do when his date insists on having a Napoleon she cannot eat so she can take it to her roommate in the dorm?
a. Demand vociferously that she pay for it herself and rummage through her purse for the money;
b. Take the cake, smash it into her face and leave her in the restaurant;
c. Denounce her openly as an enemy of public health and a “fat ball of lard”!
d. Explain to her politely that you will buy it only if she will be “compliant” tonight;
e. Demand she devour it before your eyes in ten seconds.
This weeks prize is a hosted visit to the Dearborn City Hall. Apply yourselves assiduously if you wish to spend the day counting beans with the local comptroller.