FIRST POST – JUNE 20, 2012 – HERE WE GO AGAIN WITH THE INSANELY POPULAR WEEKLY BRAINTEASER THAT ONLY OUR ORGANIZATION CAN BRING. THE WINNER THIS WEEK WILL BE AWARDED A GREAT NEW PRIZE THAT WILL BE ANNOUNCED NEXT WEDNESDAY. Remember, you cannot use any research tools.
1. What do Hillary Clinton, Victoria Nuland, Navi Pillay, Angela Merkel and Edith Head have in common?
a. All use the same hairdresser: Pierre Flauntay of Manassas;
b. All know Victoria Nuland was born a man;
c. They attend the same Tupperare and pajama parties;
d. They all belong to “JETZT”, the German feminist organization;
e. With the exception of Merkel, they are or were closet lesbians. HEAD IS DEAD!!
2. A Turkish fighter jet was shot down by Syrian missiles last night; what did the Turk pilots do?
a. They bailed out and swam to north Cyprus;
b. They violated Syrian airspace;
c. They defected to Syria and asked for political asylum;
d. They were having Turkish Delight and tea when they noticed their GPS wasn’t working;
e. They were conducting surveillance for the traitor Free Syrian Army.
3. Heebee Weebee means what?
a. It’s Swahili for “He scared the Bejeesus out of me”;
b. They are the middle names of George Bush the elder;
c. It’s Obi wan Kenobe’s father;
d. It’s a game popular with adolescents and involves sharing lingerie photos;
e. It’s American black talk for MLK’s holiday: “He be dead, we be off”.
4. The Greek UEFA soccer team advanced this year to the finals, despite all odds, because:
a. The Greek team this year was almost all Nigerian; No Greeks showed up to play;
b. The Germans asked that they reach the finals so they could “kick the Hell out of them”;
c. The Russians allowed them to defeat their team because both alphabets were similar;
d. The Greeks threatened to drop the Euro and default on their loans if they did not win;
e. They just lucked out against a lacklustre Russian team.
5. Jane Eyre, Jane Doe, Jane Russell, Plain Jane, Jane Tarzan, Zane Gray and Billy Zane, are linked by?
a. They are all members of the National Rifle Association;
b. They are all incurable alcoholics and freeloaders;
c. They all played a role in Wuthering Heights;
d. They promote “Beastio!”, a new hormonal treatment derived from Wildebeest glands;
e. With the exception of the two men, they are all named Jane.
6. The TV show, “Everybody Loves Raymond” is based on what foreign program?
a. The Syrian sitcom: “Everybody Loves Ziad”!
b. The Qatari documentary: “Why Do We Love Jerry Sandusky?”;
c. Sicily’s “Italians are Stupid Arrogant Gorps”;
d. The Belfast radio show: “All Love Our Whiskey; All Love our Stout; We Love All.”
e. The Congolese serial: “Let’s Eat the Missionaries”.
7. The British used to refer to many colonials as “WOGS”; What does that mean?
a. Wasted Oddball Goonies?
b. Wealthy Obnoxious Gippers?
c. Wanting in Ordinary Gentility?
d. Woebegone Oblivious Gastropods?
e. Worthy Oriental Gentlemen?
8. Hawkingtime, by Stephen Hawking, and Prosciatime, by Guru Proscia, differ by what quality?
a. Guru Proscia is not enfeebled by Lou Gehrig’s disease and therefore, his ideas are facile;
b. Hawkingtime is a nano-second in an equation whereas Prosciatime is “universal gibberish”;
c. Hawking’s theory is elegant whereas Proscia’s is “brutish, crude and inarticulate”;
d. Hawking’s was developed at Cambridge, whereas Proscia’s was invented in Saginaw, Michigan;
e. Prosciatime is a fraudulent scheme to take people’s money.
9. Doctors agree that the best hangover remedy is:
a. Ground frog entrails with Worcester sauce;
b. A beer and a shot of rye whiskey;
c. A Bloody Mary with a pint of vodka;
10. Elvis Presley, Frank Sinatra, Edith Piaf, Roy Orbison, were all great singers; who was the worst ever?
a. Tiny Tim?
b. Weird Al Yankovich?
c. Alan Sherman?
d. Richard Harris?
e. Count Bosco de Linares-Treixexna?