SECOND POST – JUNE 25, 2012 – The editor promises to be more punctilious in the future. I misspelled “heroically” in the last posting. No excuse but negligence. I’ll be better next time.
AND NOW, FOR THE SECOND TIME: GURU PROSCIA OF MUMBAI AND FLATBUSH ADDRESSES ANOTHER CONCERNED READER’S PROBLEM. This time, Mortimer Savant of Hemphill, Oregon asks:
“Dear Guru, there’s this gal I want to impress. But she won’t give me the time of day. How can I get her to pay attention and maybe, go out on a date with me?”
Guru in full black face, exudes wisdom, knowledge and patience.
ANSWER: I saar yer pitcher in dat envelowp and maybe you wanna go to sum daac to have a face lift, like, you know, right. Anyways, I dunno. Sometimes you can get huh ta take notice if you whack, I mean, woyk on huh emeny. Gals are funny, they take notice when dey heey ya fixed a problem emeny real good. Just, like, use yer head, ya know, an don’t let on to anybuddy what yer doin’, ya know? Like. And don’t feget ta send a donashun ta da Ashram an pray to Lord Boomwhackawanda for guidance. Like. Okay?
(Editor’s note: The response to Guru’s weekly advisory column has been overwhelming, especially from the Northern New Jersey area. But we can only publish one question per week despite demands that the page be expanded for at least five questions. Sorry.)