FIRST POST – May 15, 2012 – SYRPER’S WEEKLY BRAINTEASER. The Grand Prize is MNS’ brilliant interview with outgoing French president, Nicolas Sarkozy. The winner will receive a full, unexpurgated transcript in an elegant loose-leaf binder. Good luck. But remember, use of pencil and notepaper is limited. REMEMBER TO SCROLL DOWN FOR MORE ARTICLES FROM YESTERDAY!!
1. Xaviera Hollander, Xavier Cugat and Francis Xavier have something in common, what is it:?
a. They are all descendants of Javier Solana who disowned them by changing the first letter of his name;
b. They all worked for Bob Guccione until his death;
c. They all drive Jaguar XKE’s to work;
d. All three are musicians in the Grand Marimba Band;
e. All have names starting with a stupid “X”.
2. In a New York Times poll, a majority of U.S. citizens believe Obama’s support for gay marriage is political. Why is that?
a. Everything Obama does is to stay in office;
b. Obama is from Chicago and is influenced by the political ethics of Cook County;
c. Obama hates gays, just like his old pastor;
d. Obama needs gay money to continue his work as a reformer;
e. That stupid Joe Biden forced his hand by giving support to gay marriage over a week ago.
3. What profession is the most money-making in the United States?
a. Burglary. The overhead is very low.
b. Dating service agencies. The ones which moonlight as cathouses, do even better;
c. Fundraising for Zionist causes. A real multi-billion dollar affair with huge personal returns;
d. Scamming Saudi Arabian rubes. All you have to do is make them feel accepted;
e. Kidnapping adolescent boys for the markets in Qatar and the Emirates.
4. Tenzing Norgay, Sir Edmund Hillary’s Sherpa companion on Mt. Everest is now working as:
a. A Sherpa for older people;
b. A manufacturer of Himalayan Lip Balm, a major product for Caucasian mountain climbers;
c. A publicist for the Dalai Lama;
d. A purveyor of hatred for all Asian minority groups;
e. A pile of ashes somewhere in Nepal.
5. Chronic Sleep Apnea and Quantum Physics have something that binds them together. What is it?
a. Both are fancy sounding terms that mean absolutely nothing;
b. Interstellar plasma and Nebular Glue;
c. Both were developed at Harvard University under the supervision of Galileo;
d. The concepts are derivatives of Poincare’s famous “Quantum Apnea” theory;
e. Quantum Physics often causes Chronic Sleep Apnea.
6. Cezanne, Manet, Monet, Van Gogh, Renoir, Gaugin are?
a. Dadaistic portrait artists;
b. The artists who most influenced Adolph Hitler;
c. Team winners of the “Montmarte Absinthe Drinking Contest of 1871”;
d. The names of code systems used by American cryptographers;
e. With the exception of Van Gogh, just a bunch of artsy frogs.
7. Julius Caesar said “I came, I saw, I conquered”; Tareq Ibn Ziad said: “The sea is behind you and the enemy is before you”. What did John Gotti say in 1981 at the Brooklyn 4th of July festival?
a. “Hey, send ’em some more o’ dat funperdackers”;
b. “When I see chicken wings, I see chicken wings”:
c. “I gat no neighbehs any moh”;
d. “Sammy da Bull sleeps wit da, ya know?”
e. “Yeah! Yeah! Like what, ya slimey lil Guinea bastar’? Here, try dis fer a sanich. It’s all my knuckles. Son o’va, you know! Hey, come back he…Right now! Lonnie, whack the f&^%$(**er!!!!”
8. Ricardo Montalban made the Chrysler Cordoba famous in the 1970’s by touting “Corinthian leather”. What is that exactly?
a. It’s dried human flesh from the backs of executed Greek partisans who were mummified after WWII;
b. This is the trademark for a Greek cologne manufactured to compete with “English Leather”;
c. It’s a kind of fabric used to punish British pupils at posh, but kinky, boarding schools;
d. It’s the Hellenistic equivalent of West Virginia Chrome;
e. It’s Naugahyde made in Corinth, Ohio.
9. “Errare Humanum Est”, the great Latin expression, means what?
a. Humans go East in error;
b. Human errors were established in….;
c. To err is to be human;
d. East of humanity is Errare (sister city of Tipperare);
e. It was a serious mistake to create human beings; (Attributed to God).
10. Who really directed the classic horror movie, “The Thing” in 1951?
a. James Arness. The movie started his career as Matt Dillon on “Gunsmoke”;
b. John Waters. His style of doing oddball movies caught on with the moguls in Hollywood;
c. John Carpenter. Although only 5 years old, he established his “genius” for directing;
d. Erich Von Stroheim. He had to prove he could do “outlandish” movies;
e. Howard Hawks. He was not credited originally because of “McCarthyism”.