March 18, 2012 – FIRST POST: Just to let you know, the military analysis in the West is that the Syrian opposition has been dealt a lethal blow in Syria. The so-called “Free Syrian Army” or “the Cheaper Syrian Army” (as we label it) has become the Grand Duchy of Fenwick Marching Band. Having no power left to challenge the Syrian army and with no ability to regroup in the North of the country, the Saudi Arabian government has begun the process of arming terrorists based in Jordan. This latest bit of news comes from Syrian state television which openly accused Saudi Arabia and its twink of a king, Abdallah the Senile, of moving forces into Northern Jordan to reinforce terrorists and criminals fighting the secular government of Dr. Assad.
MERCURY NEWS SERVICE reporter, Dustin Bullyard, caught up with NATO strategist and “conniver”, Sir Cecil Scrumm-Bastinado, while visiting Brussels yesterday and asked him about the possibility of Saudi Arabia sending forces to Northern Jordan in a bid to keep the opposition alive.
BULLYARD: Well, what’s your take on that, Sir Cecil? What impact?
SCRUMM-BASTINADO: It will take about eight or nine months before we see any Saudi boots in Northern Jordan.
BULLYARD: What!? Really! That long? Why?
SCRUMM-BASTINADO: As you probably know, I spent three years training Saudi soldiers at the Tabuk base near Southern Jordan. Dreadful climate, really. One of our priorities was speeding up the maneuverability of Saudi armored units. A problem we had was the exasperating habit of the officers in sleeping eighteen hours per day while eating the rest of the time. My calculations are that the Saudi Arabians will take eight to nine months to arrive in Jordan. Their progress can only be measured in angstroms.
BULLYARD: What if a war would break out with Iran? How useful would the Saudis be?
SCRUMM-BASTINADO: You mean: how unuseful would the Saudis be, right? Anyway, Saudis are not trained in athletics and represent a real lowpoint in the history of coordination and agility. No hope. None.
BULLYARD: Is there any other factor that might affect their arrival in Jordan?
SCRUMM-BASTINADO: Well, there is that child molesting business. Can’t keep them away from their favourite ghoulams. Damn difficult.
BULLYARD: But, do you feel the Saudi King, Abdallah, has made a strategic decision to aid the Syrian opposition.
SCRUMM-BASTINADO: No, I’m afraid the King is not able to make decisions, strategic or otherwise as he is “at sea” right now; a bit loony, if you know what I mean. This decision is probably coming from Washington or London.
BULLYARD: Thank you, Sir Cecil.
SCRUMM-BASTINADO: You’re very welcome. And don’t be so glum.
Sources close to MNS have alluded to Prince Fatso the Child Molester as the real “brains” behind Saudi Arabia’s dispatch of weapons and boots to help the helpless Syrian activists in Norther Jordan.