SYRPER WEEKLY MIND-CRUSHING BRAINTEASER OF THE WEEK.  Those of you using a pad of paper and pencil, you are restricted to only two hours for completion of the test.  A great prize awaits you if you win.  Let’s start:

1.  Kim Jong Un’s father was Kim Jong Il.  What will Kim Jong Un’s son be named?

a.  Kim Jong Ugh?
b.  Kim Jong Koot?
c.  Kim Obama?
d.  Kim Dim Sum?
e.  He has no son because he is a sterile, fat little creep.

2.  A tomato is a fruit. True. But a tomato is also

a.  a weed until it grows the red thing on its branches;
b.  spaghetti sauce after being regurgitated by the family dog;
c.  a cousin of the tomatillo plant which is used in Russian cooking;
d.  a great projectile to hurl at beloved political figures;
e.  a gorgeous broad with big-time curves.

3.  The expression “a real hot tomalley” refers to:

a.  the laureled Mexican delicacy;
b.  the laureled Guatemalan delicacy;
c.  the laureled Armenian lavash sandwich;
d.  Syrian anti-aircraft missile batteries;
e.  a spiced-up lobster liver.

4.  Lebanon is a country on the Eastern Mediterranean, the Levant.  Why?

a.  Lebanon is really not on the Mediterranean. It’s a city in Pennsylvania;
b.  Someone had to miff Syrian nationalists by creating it;
c.  Lebanon was originally an island in the Adriatic which floated to the Syrian coast;
d.  Lebanon is named after Cedars of Lebanon Hospital established by Ursuline nuns;
e.  Lebanon was created by the U.N. in 1948 by motion of Oscar Levant.

5.  The national symbol of the Qatari soccer team is:

a.  a fat weasel surrounded by two 7-year old cupidons;
b.  a falcon standing on the shoulder of a naked Romanian adolescent;
c.  a tortoise carrying a naked 14 year old Bulgarian orphan named Alyosha;
d.  a male antelope mounting another male antelope;
e.  Qatar doesn’t have a soccer team, stupid.  

6.  Queen Elizabeth II is related to the royal family of Saudi Arabia by what link?

a.  Her father George was Saud’s “bitch” during the campaign in the Sudan;
b.  Her father George was married to “Fatima”, Ahab’s concubine during a “fling” in the desert;
c.  She is, in fact, an Arab, not German, as some cynics like to point out;
d.  The Saudis are all ugly, so is Elizabeth in her old age;
e.  The Saudis own half of England and she rents Buckingham Palace from King Abdallah.

 7.  While finding Hitler’s hidden art collection, discoverers were shocked to see:

a.  jewish memorabilia stashed in a bag used to entertain children;
b.  the complete collection of Isaac Bashevis Singer’s diary entries;
c.  several fake moustaches;
d.  Eva Braun’s French undergarments and several angora sweaters;
e.  I’m sorry, I just don’t know.

8.  Mount Everest is the highest in the world.  What’s the tallest?

a.  Mount Brighton in Brighton, Michigan;
b.  Wolverton Mountain;
c.  Mount Holysmoke!
d.  Mount Lebanon..I mean it’s really tall;
e.  Aconcagua.

9.  People who attend stage plays are referred to as “snobs” because,

a.  They always talk in a snooty manner and use big words like “smashing”;
b.  They wear satin undershorts with their initials on them;
c.  They hate common people and look upon them as though they were a pile of manure; (so true);
d.  They are never pleased with anything and disapprove of pink culottes; 
e.  They are snobs and for all the reasons stated above.

10.  Patent attorneys make a lot of money bilking innocent inventors because:

a.  The average inventor is an inept, clumsy oaf and should be cheated;
b.  Patent attorneys work for predatory law firms which preach moral decay;
c.  Patent attorneys know a lot of science and they’re smarter than you;
d.  Patent attorneys can charge for imagining your shape while driving on a highway;
e.  All the reasons mentioned herein-above.



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