SECOND POST – January 2, 2012 – HERE IS THIS WEEK’S BRAINTEASER. SEE HOW WELL YOU DO AGAINST THE EXPERTS. THE ANSWERS ARE AT THE BOTTOM OF THE TEST.
1. How do you know you are dining in a Michigan “Ma’n’Pa” Chinese restaurant?
a. You are offered Geritol as an after-dinner drink;
b. You are handed a little yellow book titled: “Confucius Say”;
c. You are served no water;
d. There is a picture of Chiang Kai Shek on the wall;
e. You are served a hot bread bun with your entree.
2. Why is Russian vodka so much better than Polish vodka?
a. Polish vodka is made from turpentine;
b. Russian vodka is distilled 25 times before bottling;
c. The Polish just can’t get anything right;
d. Vodka from turnips just doesn’t give the right flavor for Polish vodka;
e. Russia supports President Assad while the Polish government is made up of fake- European weasels.
3. France is the leading world producer of what product?
c. Hungarian politicians;
e. Hot air.
4. Ban Ki Moon is an important man because;
a. He is an advocate for kimche production in third world countries;
b. He is the worlds first Korean-American double-agent;
c. He stands up for the rights of salafist and takfiri terrorists in Syria;
d. He cannot smile;
e. He epitomizes the success of short people in a world filled with taller people.
5. You definitely know you’re in a German restaurant because;
a. The waiters stand at attention at your table and give you a rousing “Sieg Heil”;
b. All the food is made of cabbage and vinegar;
c. The waitresses have a low bustline and hold really heavy steins of ale;
d. You are violently forced to wear lederhosen before you’re allowed to dine;
e. The menu says: “Schwarzwald Gasthaus und Restaurant fur Anfanger”, you idiot.
6. Prince Fatso of Qatar’s real name is:
a. Prince Pudgy;
b. Prince Porky;
c. Prince Pedophile;
d. Prince Purulent;
e. Prince Drum son of Double Drum Husband of Madame Banana.
7. Newt Gingrich said that Palestinians are a “made up” people. What does he mean?
a. Palestinians are a figment of someone’s imagination;
b. Palestinians wear a lot of makeup with garish clothing;
c. Palestinians were fashioned in a ground-to-ceiling direction by the Creator;
d. Palestinians don’t contribute money to his campaign;
e. Palestinians can’t exist because they’re just Arabs.
8. Robert Ford, the U.S. ambassador to Syria has not been causing trouble lately; why?
a. He has joined a Sufi Ashram in Damascus;
b. He’s heavy into Afghani opium and doesn’t have the energy any more;
c. He’s too busy selling Kirby vacuum cleaners in the capital;
d. He’s now married to an Alawite girl and plans to live in Qardaha;
e. The Syrian authorities have warned him that if he travels outside a ten mile radius of the U.S. embassy in Damascu, they’re going to charge him with espionage, sedition, agitation and terrorism.
9. Why does the staff at SyrPer support ultra-orthodox jews in their battle against the zionist government?
a. We think fanatics of every kind are worthy and desirable neighbors;
b. Our staff also wears beanies when working;
c. It’s just better to be “ultra” than “super-duper”;
d. We like to pull their chain by eating ham sandwiches with cheese right in front of them;
e. They are anti-zionist and condemn the zionist abomination.
10. Why don’t oriental restaurants in Michigan serve breakfast?
a. Orientals only use eggs in egg drop soup and fried rice;
b. Orientals are time-zone sensitive; when they are up, it’s night for caucasians;
c. Eggs and bacon cooked in a wok with peanut oil taste really funny;
d. Orientals work at dry cleaners before opening their restaurant;
e. No really good reason.
WELL, ALL RIGHT! I’M SURE THAT WAS CHALLENGING. BUT WHAT ARE THE ANSWERS?
Answers: All answers are “e”. If you answered anything else you might want to consider working for Chucky Cheese as night janitors.