UNSOLICITED COMMERCIAL FOR BLARNEY STONE;

December 28, 2011

THIS IS A PAID ANNOUNCEMENT FROM THE BLARNEY STONE LANGUAGE PROGRAM

    Folks, let’s face it.  It’s hard to understand people in New York City.  But now, through the miracle of the Blarney Stone Language Program, you can turn a new page in the book of your life.  Our program is quick and easy. Don’t be fooled by the Rosetta Stone system!  It’s just a pale copy of our patented, trademarked and copyrighted technique.  No other program in the world is like it.  Here are some testimonials from students who have taken and successfuly completed our four hour course:

“I can’t believe it.  I’ve been living in Brooklyn for about 5 years without understanding anyone but the recent immigrants.  Now, thanks to the Blarney Stone system,  I realize that New Yorkers are actually speaking English and that I can communicate. I’m now engaged to a man from Brooklyn.”  Sondrine Blatzfuller, Bay Ridge, Brooklyn.

                Sondrine Blatzfuller of Bay Ridge, Brooklyn is now engaged to a man from Brooklyn

“I was hired by my company and sent to northern New Jersey.  Boy, it was a real hassle with interpreter they hired to accompany me.  But then, I took the Blarney program and now I can understand and speak the way they do.  I received a bonus and salary upgrade.  It’s been great.”  Billy McDuffin, Bedford-Stuyvesant, Brooklyn.

         Success and confidence somes to Billy McDuffin after he learns to speak Brooklynese

                               Listen to this: “Ah, yeh, eh,eh, like, y’kno, like eh, eh, whaaaa?”

No folks, that’s not a human trying to impersonate a chimpanzee.  That’s a native of Brooklyn telling you he’s unsure of what you’re saying.  You can now have the ability to understand and decipher everything you hear from the Bronx down to Newark.  It’s amazing, really.  And it al can be yours for four small payments of $323.00.  A full course in Brooklyn patois and a new life in New York – The Big Apple.

Our staff of native speaking Brooklynites are headed by Dr. James Proscia.  Dr. Jim (as we call him affectionately) was born under the Verrazano Bridge and grew up in Bathgate, Brooklyn.  His accent is flawlessly native. 

Dr. Proscia is chief of student affairs at the school and specializes in the female chapter of our Phi Beta Kappa club

“You know, I always thought that their language was nasal, coarse and ugly.  Once I took the Blarney Stone course, I found that it was some kind of creole.  It’s still nasal and ugly, but I can understand it and get things done.”  Sylvia Orlov-Heifer, 2010 student.

AND YOU CAN TOO!  Imagine going to Coney Island and successfully ordering a dog without using hand signals.  We will teach you how to make sense out of the nonsensical.  Delight in understanding the local Muslim population.  Important vocabulary items used by Brooklyn’s
immigrants are a must:  Listen:  “yeah, huccum dis Semtex, y’kno ain’t frumm Baluchistan?”  And so much more. 

You will know that “HARRIBLE” is really “horrible”.  “I soarit” is “I saw it.”  “Whaa?” is “what”, “HUH?” is “what do you mean?” and the list goes on forever.

Call 1-888-000-6752 for our free brochure. Learn to speak BROOKLYNESE, BRONX SLUR, NEWARK DRIVEL, QUEENJIBBER and YIDPATTER.  And join the fun.  Imagine being able to understand taxi drivers and police officers. 

Because Dr. Proscia handles student practice sessions,  students are expected to sit with him at the local beerhalls in order to break down inhibitions while enunciating vocabulary items.  Students who belong to any religion that proscribes the ingestion of alcoholic substances are specifically discouraged from enrolling. 

                                           Our Class of ’92 preparing to meet Dr. Proscia
This commercial message is brought to you by Blarney Stone, Ltd., a subsidiary of the Mentist Group.  All rights are reserved. 

 

 

  

  

    


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Anonymous
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It should be “Our staff of native speaking Brooklynites is headed by Dr. James Proscia.”

I’ll sue mother F—-R.

Proscia

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