SECOND POST ON XMAS – December 25, 2011 – We here at SyrPer are in a surly mood today. Last week, as you know, my friend RJ Dubitsky, died while running on a treadmill at his club which is about a 5 minute walk from the Henry Ford Hospital – Fairlane Center. Now, I just received the news that my closest friend of 30 years, Hassan (Abu Hani) Abdallah, has passed away at the age of 86 years. I am waiting for his body to be brought to the Islamic Center on Ford Road so I can go and pay my respects. This has been a disconcertingly gloomy Christmas.
From this sense of doom, gloom and melancholy, we are demanding the resignation of Turkish dunderhead and failed tyrant, Recep Tayyip Erdoghan and his entire cabinet of Anatolian apes.
Not only has he managed to mismanage the economic affairs of his own country, he has deprived the entire region of the kind of spirit of advancement it desperately needs in order to catch up with the rest of the world. He has betrayed the legacy of Ataturk by reverting to Islamism, and a fanatical form of it at that!
We also demand the extradition of former Colonel Riad Al-As’ad, head of the laughable Cheaper Syrian Army, based in the Province of Hatay (Turkish-occupied Syria). This malicious warthog brings shame to the Syrian army and people. This is what awaits him unless President Bashar does one of his “kinder gentler” things again:
This is a fine gallows in the Syrian desert with “dual-kabonk” capabilities for those days when there are just too many traitors to dispatch. It’s made of the finest oak.
Al-As’ad has become a bit of an embarrassment to the Turks with his crackpot’s vision of himself leading a team of about 75 yokels into Damascus to take over the reins of government. The Turks don’t allow him to move about freely lest he wind up in the hands of the population of Hatay who are mostly members of Dr. Assad’s minority group. They would turn him over immediately to Syrian Military Intelligence who would speed him to a television camera in front of which he would castigate traitors who deceived him into fighting the government of Syria. He will recant everything all the while praising the Ba’ath revolution. He will denounce his own mother – but – at the end of the day, his appointment with the hangman is assured. Oh Lord, make it happen quickly!
MNS HOLIDAY EXCLUSIVE – ANOTHER TOUR DE FORCE FROM BRUNHILDE LIEBESBOMBE, OUR WURLITZER PRIZE LAUREATE:
From Berlin – Angela Merkel, the Kanzlerin of Germany, has a sister who is very upset with her! And upset may be putting it mildly. Her alleged sister, Bungela, is screaming at the top of her lungs that Angela Merkel is not Angela Merkel. She is Angela Schmutzfinke! “She has shamed us and herself by taking on the name of a fremdblutig, a man from Czechoslovakia!”
In this photo taken yesterday, Bungela Schmutzfinke, putatively Angela Merkel’s sister, is threatening to “beat the feathers” out of SyrPer’s cameraman, Ogden Orffe.
In our exclusive interview with Bungela, she insisted that Angela’s real maiden name is not Kasner, but Schmutzfinke. “We were born in the same house, but Angela always wanted to be a big shot with the Communist Party. She even knew Egon Krenz when he was head of Stasi.” But, she added, “she was always a Schmutzfinke!!” With that point she began to pound her fist on a nearby car causing it some damage. Efforts to speak to Chancellor Merkel’s office landed us only a brief conversation with her chief spokesman, Rudi Bodenhefe. Mr. Bodenhefe indicated that Angela Merkel is not the biological sister of Bungela Schmutzfinke whom he described as a bit kranke while pointing to his temple. “She might be a distant cousin, but that’s all. She really is a horrible woman.”
That suggestion that Bungela was Angela’s cousin, distant or not, resulted in Mr. Bodenhefe getting the boot. But even worse, Bungela hunted Bodenhefe down at his home on CasparMilchtoostStrasse and demanded he take back what he said about her. When he told her: “But you are a horrible woman, and so is that fake schwester of yours, that Hundin!” she began to pummel him with fattened fists until someone brought an ambulance to take the bloodied former spokesman to the closest Krankhaus.
Beaten to within an inch of his life, Bodenhefe screams for help