November 9, 2011 – SECOND POST – This just in from George H. who is Damascus-born with a sister in Homs: The traitor defectors and terrorists could not withstand the assault in Baba Amr and have spread out mostly into Bab Al-Sibaa. They are desperate and without ammunition which is a natural result of firing bullets at people you can’t see. In any case, the reports all indicate they are trying to find lodging with strangers, not the best accomodations when one thinks that almost every Homsi despises these turncoats.
It will be over soon. I understand the Qataris have no more tricks up their dishdashas. They have failed. They are going to try something silly on Saturday, but Lebanon, Algeria, Iraq and Yemen will snuff out their little trick. Qataris are going to pay for their treachery. But how, Ziad? How can we make them pay in spades for what they have done?
AT THE LATEST MEETING OF SYRIAN AMERICANS FOR A SECULAR SYRIA (SASS), the issue was brought up by Abdel-Fadhi’ Faanouse of Boston. Invasion? Unlikely, given distances across barren Saudi deserts with exposure to foul odors, tarantulas, scarabs, locust, venereal diseases and Arabian brigands. Air strikes? No. Syria doesn’t have the air force it used to in the Seventies and Eighties. I am not even sure that the wing of new Mig 31-B’s has been deployed yet. Ah, but what about missiles? Syria has a whopping mother-of-all arsenals Fort Knox-quality mother-lode of ground-to-ground missiles which can carry Sarin, VTX, mustard and Banana Gas. Banana gas? What’s that, Oh Omniscient One?
You see, child, a long time ago, the Bonamo Turkish Taffy company invented a banana flavored toffee bar and sold it successfully for many years. It was common for American boys like myself to buy these hard bars and, with a gesture of adolescent machismo, break them into shards of chewy pieces that both replaced expended sugar from athletic exertion and destroyed our teeth. What we did not know was that a Syrian chemist living in Baltimore at the time, Firas Hamza, detected a property in the toffee which, when processed, exuded a powerful stench unknown to man at the time. It was a stench so powerful that Dr. Hamza himself succumbed to it in his basement. He was found lying in a puddle of molecularly deconstructed banana syrup that had started to emit a gas that killed him instantly. The coroner did not issue a complete report due to interference by American security agents. Dr. Hamza’s wife secured her husband’s notes and returned to her native Jaramana, which, by an incredible coincidence, housed Syria’s biological warfare laboratories. Being a patriotic Syrian Arab woman, she managed to find her way to the office of Maj. Gen. Salim Hatoum, then head of Syrian Special Forces in Damascus and explained the events leading up to her husband’s demise. General Hatoum immediately recognized the potential for deterrent weapons capacity, especially in light of the Zionist Entity’s development of nuclear weapons at Dimona in Palestine. Unfortunately for the project, General Hatoum was unceremoniously executed for treason a short time later. The formula had to await the arrival of Lt. General Sobhi Tayyous who revivified the project which has now been brought to completion. Syrian missiles today can carry warheads loaded with Banana Gas or B-69.
“Wouldn’t it be great if we could bomb the Qataris with Banana Gas?” The young supplicant inquired.
“Yes”, I responded. “I have sent a mental message to Gen. Rajiha instructing him to bomb the stuffing out of the fattened Qataris with Banana Gas. This is an espcially poignant reminder to the population of the cruelty of Prince Pudgy and his statute outlawing the import of bananas. As the Qataris writhe in the heat of autumn, they will curse the prince, First Lady Madame Banana, and his surly horde of incestuous child molesters.”
“Do you promise, oh wise one?”
“I do.” I said with a wink in my eye. “Just don’t fly to Qatar too soon.”