September 2, 2011 – It is with great pleasure and a sense of relief that the Syrian Society for a Secular Syria (SSSS or S4) conveys to Madame Clinton, U.S. Secretary of State, its profound gratitude for the statement that the United States is going to give greater support to the dissidents of Syria. Mrs. Clinton could not have done more to give President Assad the clearest proof that the so-called “pro-democracy” movement is merely an American and European plot agains the Arab People. We can now expose this cabal of traitors and seditionists without any fear or challenge from anyone. Thanks to Madame Clinton, we can speak with authority when we tell the world that the U.S is behind all the hurly-burly . So, thank you again, for your ingnorant and cynical foray into the politics of the Near East. I’m sure the Iranians are thanking you also for your idiotic remarks. When the traitors are being tried, they will have to explain your comments in the context of their treachery as they stand in the shadow of the gallows hewn precisely to their specifications. Bravo, Mrs. Clinton. And please make sure to encourage your ambassador to Syria, Mr. Robert Ford, to continue his trips to Syrian cities so that we can uncover more spies and traitors and send them into the Syrian Correctional System. Adham Manfookh, President, Syrian Society for a Secular Syria.
On behalf of our staff of one person at SyrianPerspective, I want to extend, once again, our hopes that Mr. Adnan Bakkour is alive and well while in the hands of the terrorists in Hama. I know the Syrian government is doing all it can to secure his release. I listened to both tapes of his statements in my capacity as a Supreme Court certified interpreter, a native Arabic speaker, a Ph.D. candidate at the University of Michigan in Ann Arbor at the Department of Near Eastern Studies and an attorney practicing law for 31 years. It is my conclusion that Mr. Bakkour spoke nervously, without conviction and with a sense of foreboding. This could be due to a number of factors: one being that he is facing armed terrorists who have promised to spare him if he cooperates. We have to wait and see. Let us hope this story has an happy ending. Ziad A. Fadel, Esq. on behalf of SyrPer.
MERCURY NEWS SERVICE URGENT REPORT: FORMER SYRIAN SPOKESWOMAN BUTHAINA SHAABAN IS PREVENTED FROM COMMITTING SUICIDE AFTER LEARNING THAT THE OBAMA ADMINISTRATION HAS PLACED HER ON THE BLACKLIST! This just in from Damascus, with Baboo Ordhonikhidze reporting: Syrian Foreign Ministry spokesman Ankar Abu Nakeer, has confirmed that Dr. Buthaina Shaaban was saved from certain death by her Filipina maid, Esmeralda Sobrepenia, this morning at 5:00 a.m. The maid, speaking in Tagalog, which many of us luckily understand, confirmed that Dr. Shaaban was depressed “terrible, terrible” after finding out that the U.S. had placed her on the blacklist with two other Syrian officials. This reaction to the American decision was particularly exasperating for Syrian officials who volunteered that she never had any assets of any kind involving the U.S. or Europe. She is reported by her chauffeur to be stable and sipping herbal tea. He also confessed that Dr. Shaaban’s method of choice for self-immolation was swallowing some poison pellets used to kill a Syrian Golden Hamster who was stubbornly residing in one of the cupboards. It is also reported that Dr. Assad, the president of the republic whose training as a physician has been a comfort to so many, wrote her a note of encouragement reminding her that she “has no ties to the U.S.” and that she should not be “spooked by American hot air especially when emiktted by that horrible woman”. The nurse stated that Dr. Shaaban promised to go out tonight for a “rollicking good time and to paint the town blue (sic).” B. Ordhonikhidze, special to MNS, Damascus.
I am going up north to our dacha. I have to fit the boat right and proper. I have to pick delicious wild raspberries. I will announce Mr Mehlis’s prize on Sunday. The traitors are being crushed by the Syrian people. Its wonderful. Ziad
SyrPer has promised that the MICKEY SPILLANE ANNUAL PRIZE FOR DETECTIVE FICTION would be awarded to Judge DETLEV MEHLIS of Germany. As you will all remember, his Mike Hammer- like, United Nations-sanctioned report concerning the assassination of former Lebanese P.M. Rafik Hariri and subsequent arrest and four year-detention of four Lebanese generals caused a major undulation in literary circles. Time has gotten close to the official announcement. Judge Mehlis will soon get his much-deserved prize which will grant him a lifetime subscription to Ellery Queen Magazine, Mad Magazine and the National Enquirer. Hold your breath, its coming soon. Ziad Abu Fadel.