STATE DEPARTMENT’S DEFENSE OF ROBERT FORD EMBARRASSING; MERCURY NEWS SERVICE EXCLUSIVE REPORT, QADDAFI’S WHEREABOUTS EXPOSED;

September 30, 2011 – SECOND POST TODAY – According to professional virago and fabricator, HILLARY CLINTON, wife of former president and incorrigible satyr, William Clinton, Syria’s government is to be condemned for the “unwarranted attack” on Ambassador Ford while he and his staff were conducting normal embassy business….”.  Hmm.  Normal embassy business?  Do ambassadors run around countries and meet up with opposition figures in order to urge them on in overthrowing the existing legitimate government?  I don’t think so.  This is really about how much Hillary Clinton knows about diplomacy.  I don’t see Ambassador Imad Moustapha of the Syrian Embassy running around fomenting discord – meeting with militia groups and promising them complete support for their causes.  He does not meet with the KKK or anyone else for that matter.  He is, after all, an ambassador.  Mr. Ford, on the other hand, is a spy for the Saudi government; a filthy grub whose only purpose is to exterminate the minorities of Syria through the salafist criminals he obviously supports. 

Ford was meeting with Hassan Abdel-Azim of the Tajamm’u Al-Watani Al-Dimuqrati (The National Democratic Gathering), a relatively unknown and meaningless organization whose title only means that it is left-wing and inherently autocratic.  I am calling upon the Syrian authorities to arrest Abdel-Azim and charge him with sedition.  Once in custody, he can spend his days reflecting on how much better it was to be a free and law-abiding citizen.  Ford must understand, also, that his meetings with people only result in their arrest.  This guy makes Americans look really bad.

MERCURY NEWS SERVICE EXCLUSIVE – September 30, 2011 – Archibald Ulunga-Wawa reporting from Seychelles Islands – Extremely reliable but anonymous sources, of course, have confirmed the arrival of Colonel Muammar Qaddafi and 40 female bodyguards in the Seychelles Islands.  The archipelago lies in the warm waters of the Indian Ocean south of the Arabian Peninsula and east of the African continent.  It is populated by the Colonel’s favourite people, blacks, and provides an infinite variety of watersports, black sandy beaches and Creole cooking.  The Colonel arrived in an airplane chartered from the U.S.-based FANFOP FANTASY AIRLINES GROUP of Bugonia, North Carolina, an event which, by itself, is expected to cause much consternation in Washington.  Efforts to speak to Fanfop’s president, Snaano Kharbaneen, were met with failure.  A company spokesman, Biff Buffette, simply stated to reporters that “Fanfop stands by its policy of non-discrimination in leasing it jets to the public”. This reporter than asked whether that meant that Fanfop would lease jets to child molesters. Mr. Buffette smiled and assured us that Fanfop would lease to Prime Minister Sylvio Berluconi of Italy or Roman Polanski. 

Local witnesses have seen the Colonel arriving at his beach estate north of the capital, Victoria. His retinue of female bodyguards were described as “young, nubile, tart-like women carrying Grad missile launchers, AK47s and stun grenades”.  Some told of Qaddafites (as they are called here) beating up street vendors and coconut tree climbers in an effort to remove all vestiges of “infidels, apostates and American spies”. 

U.S. government spokesman Hubert Cantinflas has condemned Seychelles government complicity in permitting Qaddafi’s use of Victoria’s airport and promised to “vigorously pursue the fugitive no matter where he finds haven”.  He then denied the U.S. was planning to invade the Seychelles Islands adding that the United States is a “peace-loving country committed to brotherly relations with everyone despite the fact that we have invaded virtually every nation on the planet.”  Continued on page 13