Syria’s New Organ Donor Program

July 31, 2011 – Fresh back from another trip to my dacha in Kalkaska; refreshed and feeling creative.  I have a new (used) pontoon boat which needs some work.  I was hoping some of my family would accompany me for that purpose, but, disappointment was the order of the day. 

Well, I hope that the message gets through to Dr. Assad.  As a medical practitioner, he should appreciate, more than others from the hoi polloi, that body parts are hard to come by in an Islamic country.  People have this irrational thing about the human form.  I mean, we all agree that the soul is bound inside the mortal coils of the body until the body dies.   So when the body is dead, the soul, supposedly, wafts up to some place where it is stored until GOD decides to judge it.  That’s some of the Judeo-Christian-Islamic drivel we have been taught all of our early lives.  So, if it is true, then who gives a rat’s derriere about whether the lifeless body is buried, cremated, dissected or harvested for useful organs?  In death, another life can be saved.

I am calling upon Dr. Assad to issue orders compelling members of the security and military institutions to do what they can to immediately refrigerage the dead bodies of slain salafists, takfiris, Muslim Brothers and other assorted reactionary rubbish in Syria.  You’ve all seen advertisements for fish caught in the cold waters near  Iceland:  “Flash Frozen for Freshness!”  Well, why not?  I suggest that all bodies of dead takfiri slime be quickly stuffed in a Food Saver Bag and “QUICK FROZEN TO GUARANTEE ABSOLUTE FRESHNESS”!  Oh, don’t give them the old Ben Laden treatment – unwept and welter to parching wind. No, let’s make use of this wothless rabble.  Let them pay for their supper by donating their bodies to the Department of Medicine in Damascus or their collective innards to every needy and worthy invalid in Syria’s hospitals. 

And no! We will not let Rami Makhlouf monopolise the industry just because he’s Dr. Assad’s cousin.  I suspect that it would drive devout hypocrites crazy to think that some member of Syria’s heterodox religious community would have the market cornered on the freshly collected organs of “martyred” takfiris.  Imagine that! What will they think of next?  This new industry, if not mismanaged,  will net Syria more money than it has spent dispatching the specimens who are daily ruining Syria’s economy.  Remember what the Holy Quran says:  “Do not hate something, for it may be good for you.” And so their chapter can be closed with the belief that all this turmoil and hoopla has been converted into profit for the Syrian entrepreneur and the desperate patient in need of a transplant. 

Now, I am not suggesting going overboard on this.  Some shrewd businessman might suggest that even those detained for questioning could be good candidates for donorship.  Even those in lock-up could be viewed as sources for profit – the way a chicken might look to an hard-working farmer.  We cannot fall prey to these cupiditous instincts.  Moral values must triumph even if we all really want the seditionist bastards on the slab.
We must have principles.  Right?

I was delighted to hear that the formerly famous asylum-seeking savages of Jisr Al-Shughour are slowly reducing their population in Hatay.  Syrian television broadcast this today saying that about 370 miserable derelicts from that town began their lifeless parade back.  Oh, the world is singing Beethoven’s Ode to Joy, the last movement, conducted by Von Karajan and played by the New York Philharmonic. Isn’t this vital?  Turkey’s national IQ goes back up to normal and Syria’s smell-chart descends to minus-4 on the Van Noisome scale.  I hope Dr. Assad does not forgive the trained dogs who told Anthony Shadid of the NYT how great it was to feel “really free” in Turkey. The so-called deserters, needless to say, should be dealt with according to American and Turkish military rules of conduct.  If not in uniform, then hang them!

I want to wish all my secular Sunni friends a Happy Ramadan.  I mean that.  I am a pure deist who couldn’t care less about worshiping a non-existent, irrational God.  If it makes you a better person, then do it.  If it makes you feel better to participate in the various obligations associated with the Holy Month of Ramadan, then, by all means, feel free to do it.  But never do it in the framework of hatred – the kind disseminated by fake muslims like Zawahiri and Awlaki….Never like Ibn Taymiyya, Sayyed Qutb, Ben Laden, Zarqawi (a sociopath) or that crackpot Filipino, Abu Sayyaf.   Be like the Messenger Muhammad, Umar Ibn Al-Khattab, Ali Ibn Abi Taleb or that amazing Vanquisher King, Rukneddin Baybars al-Bunduqdari (who knew the difference between the barbarous Franks and the autochthonous Christian population of Syria).  

As an Antiochian Orthodox Syrian,  I also must fast during the pre-Easter season.  I do not.  I was once asked by my priest what I was giving up for Lent.  I responded in Arabic:  “Halazoon” or “Escargots”.  That elicited a calumnious retort from the prelate who cast me out as an heathen.  As Christopher Lee once remarked (as Lord Summerisle)  in the movie “Wicker Man”:  “…a heathen yes, but not an unenlightened one, I hope.”     Ziad Abu Fadel.