We shall keep our readers abreast of new developments. Oink. Oink. Snort!
SECOND POST – JANUARY 6, 2013 – MNS REPORTS GROUND-BREAKING SURGERY IN QATAR; PRINCE DRUM SON OF DOUBLEDRUM UNDERGOES REVOLUTIONARY PROCEDURE; AMAZING COMPATIBILITY WITH NEW KIDNEY CITEDSECOND POST - JANUARY 6, 2013 - MNS REPORTS GROUND-BREAKING SURGERY IN QATAR by Ziad Fadel
“Never let the facts get in the way of a good story“
GERMAN DOCTORS AMAZED BY FIRST HOG TO HUMAN TRANSPLANT
(Al-Doha, Qatar) Lucretia Sanz-Grenzen reporting.
Dr. Baldur Hasenpfeffer, Prince Drum’s personal physician, could not have been more emphatic. “Vee hef done it! Who said the yews were right?” The doctor’s euphoria was infectious as a team of German veterinary surgeons raised cups of sweet tea to celebrate the successful transplantation of two pork kidneys in the chest cavity of the Qatari potentate, effectively saving his life.
“It is amazing how well the prince is handling the procedure”, beamed Dr. Nils Unkeuschen of the Dusseldorf Krankhaus fur Dickleibigschweinen . “It’s a miracle of science zat vee hef found”. Indeed.
It is reported that the surgical team of veterinarians from Germany were able to connect with colleagues at the Michigan State University School of Veterinary Medicine in Lansing, Michigan, who were able to find the “appropriate donor” for the portly prince. The Qatari government insisted that the prince’s noble line would only tolerate a donor of equal status. American doctors then used the Internet to find the right specimen who had just established himself as a world champion in the Iowa State Pork Pourri National Finals.
His name is Adolphus. He weighed in at 734 lbs; that is, until the operation! The Qatari government has graciously provided him with a dialysis machine (German, of course) and enough insulin to last his projected lifetime.
The miraculous nature of the procedure relates to the prince’s own metabolism and cellular structure. This has become a very touchy subject in the Emirates where pork is banned for religious reasons. That a prince, such as Drum, would agree to such a transplant is revolutionary. However, as of today, the prince’s body is not only accepting the alien organs; it is functioning at the highest metabolic level.
“It is beyond belief! The Qatari prince is, in essence, of the same morphological make-up. It is totally histocompatible with the prince’s tissue. We can’t understand it.” So said, Professor Destry Maupinshute of Oxford. “I mean, don’t quote me, but it wouldn’t be far-fetched to say that the prince is, in reality, don’t quote me now!, a big pig!”
Prince Drum exudes sadness at the news a fellow porkie had to sacrifice his kidneys for him. He vowed to name a boy-bordello in his honor.
With the temporary success of this unique operation now a part of medical history, German doctors plan to test pork organs on Saudi Arabians (where monkey parts showed amazing promise) and on the entire population of the Emirates. “It vill take time to convince ze Arabians zat pigs are good fur zem. Ven zey come to accept zer close relationship, it vill become okaaaay”, said Dr. Hasenpfeffer.