SECOND POST – DECEMBER 28, 2012 – SYRIAN PERSPECTIVE’S "MAN OF THE YEAR" GOES TO…….

SECOND POST – DECEMBER 28, 2012 – SYRIAN PERSPECTIVE’S “MAN OF THE YEAR” AWARD GOES TO ……………………………


INDICTED HOMICIDAL, GENOCIDAL, FRATRICIDAL, SORORICIDAL, OMNICIDAL, INFANTICIDAL,  GENETIC FREAK OF NATURE, FIELD MARSHALL OF POOP, PRESIDENT OF PAP, DOOFUS OF DARFUR, KLINGON KING OF KHARTOUM, THE ONE, THE ONLY, THE MIRACLE OF DNA RETROGRADE ENGINEERING, HERE HE IS IN ALL HIS GLORY:

                     OMAR HASSAN AHMAD AL-BASHIR!!!

 
Look, we never said he radiated intellect.  But for a guy who’s wanted by most white countries, he’s done a great job of dodging subpoenas, arrest warrants, aircraft intercepts, self-righteous vituperations from the disgraced Argentinian Sheissrechtsanvalt, Luis Moreno Ocampo and a whole host of assassination attempts and misguided, bungled invasions.   
He thumbs his nose at the gallery of elegant killers listed by SyrPer as the most “Recognized  War Criminals of 2012”; he eructs a loud raspberry at them; you know, Cameron, Hollande, Obama, Erdoghan, Merkel  and the callow victor, Korean kimchi cook and blow fish buffoon, Ban Ki Moon.  He has outstripped them with his genocidal finesse.  There’s no Hitlerian theory underpinning his willingness to massacre humans; to the contrary, his most likely inspiration is his fellow African intellectual giant, Idi Amin.  Idi would be proud of his colleague, the President of the Sudan.  
He scoffs at our nominees for Man of the Year; Dr. Assad, Putin, Lavrov, Ahmadinejad and Hugo Chavez. Who are they?, he asks.  “I have killed over ONE MILLION PEOPLE” and in all likelihood he’ll never face charges in any Nuremberg-like court.  Why?  Because nobody cares about black people and Al-Bashir knows it.  He repeats the same refrain to all who will listen:  
                             Idi killed a thou’ and ate their livers in Uganda
                             Then the Hutus killed a million, in neighboring Rwanda,
                             Tut Tut Tutsi goodbye
                             Tut Tut Tutsi don’t cry 

Al-Bashir’s Einsatzgruppen, the Janjaweed, pose for this portrait just after they eradicated an entire tribe in Darfur.  They work for booty only.  Al-Bashir calls their wage arrangement: “Play for Pay”. 


President Al-Bashir’s illustrious military career began in 1960 where he honed his skills at tactical retreating at the Egyptian Military Academy.  Not satisfied with the comical Egyptian approach to military science, he transferred to the Sudan MilitaryAcademy and took a course in “Wholesale Slaughter 101”.  He then became a paratrooper excelling in jumping out of trees without a parachute.  In 1973, he actually fought with the Egyptian Third Army and was cited for his survival tactics after being surrounded by a handful of Zionist soldiers on the West Bank of the Suez Canal.  Legend has it that he was able to sneak out of the untenable military situation by pretending to be a Nubian watermelon merchant.  He made his way to Sudan and vowed never to join an Egyptian military campaign again.

Al-Bashir then began overthrowing governments.  In 1989, he upended the rule of Prime Minister Sadiq Al-Mahdi, and inaugurated a new age of ignorance, backwardness and crackpot Islamic zealotry.  Always believing that the “best way to get the people’s blood up is with a good Pogrom”, he unleashed his feared Janjaweed on the helpless people of Darfur, a largely Muslim region in Western Sudan.  The impunity with which he prosecuted his pitiless war on the Darfurians led him to believe that he was protected by the Almighty.  What he did not understand at the time was that no deity was involved; instead, he was blessed with the aura of “Hotdiggedydog”, or the “white man’s indifference to negro statistics”.

Mercury News Service investigative journalist, Obadiah Entwhistle, spoke to President Al-Bashir at his spacious palace in Khartoum overlooking the Nile River two weeks ago.  We quote, with their permission, a part of the interview:

MNS:  My! What a shock!  Mr. President, a body just floated by us!  
AL-BASHIR:  Yeah. It’s those damn Ethiopians.  They try to come over here for work all the time. Sometimes they don’t swim so good.
MNS:  Why did Sudan vote against President Assad in suspending Syria’s membership in the Arab League?
AL-BASHIR:  Well, he’s embattled, surrounded, enfeebled, beleaguered, circum..something or another.  He’s killed alot of his own people.  Right?  I mean he killed over 40,000.  Right?
MNS:  But major international rights organizations say you killed over 1,000,000.
AL-BASHIR:  Well, let’s not make a big deal out of that, okay?  I’m just killing Africans. 
MNS:  Some believe President Assad is targeted because he is a part of the Iranian alliance.  You just hosted a flotilla of Iranian warships at one of Sudan’s ports.  Maybe you ought to give that a good look.
AL-BASHIR:  Yeah. You know, you’re right.  Maybe we oughta lighten up with that Iranian stuff.  I didn’t think of that.  Hmmm.
MNS:  Rightly or wrongly, you are touted as the most prolific mass murderer since Pol Pot.  What has that done to affect your presidency?
AL-BASHIR:  You know, I’ve had a good life here.  I got three wives. It’s been good.
MNS:  May we ask a Barbara Walters question?
AL-BASHIR:  You know I don’t like to cry.
MNS:  Why don’t you have your own children?
AL-BASHIR:  (tears welling up)  Because all people of the Sudan are my children.  (Breaks into sobs).           

      
President Al-Bashir almost successfully passes the finger-to-nose test after being stopped by Interpol in Beirut.  He escaped detection and arrest on genocide charges by impersonating American actor, Yaphet Kotto.  The Interpol agents were later fired for dereliction of duty.    
    

Well, we know many of you wanted to see Dr. Assad as “Man of the Year”.  You feel cheated, no doubt.
He’ll have a second chance next year after he puts to death every rat infesting Syria.  And we’re still waiting for the death of the biggest rat of them all:  Prince Drum son of Doubledrum Husband of Madame Banana of the Second Rate Tribe.  Go for it, Dr. Assad!



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